You can go with a snail if you slow to a crawl
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.
CHORUS
You can ravish a sloth but it would take all night
With a shark it is faster, but the darned beast might bite
We already mentioned the horse, you may recall
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.
CHORUS
You can roger a skunk if you can stand the smell
Or even an oyster, should he let go of his shell
A troll can be rocky if down you should fall
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.
CHORUS
For slippery fun, you can cornhole an otter
Or pego a pig after parting his trotters
Or tumble a tapir, though the prospect appall
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.
CHORUS
For prosimian fun, you can bugger a lemur
To bolster your name as a pervert and schemer
The lemurs cry "Frink!" as a coy mating call
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.
CHORUS
Antipodean pranks -- you can futter a wombat
Or strive with a 'roo in venereal combat
Or hump a goanna -- go on, do it all
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.
CHORUS
A moose is amusing, a squid quite confusing
Or try on a rhino if you fancy a bruising,
Or mountin' a mountain goat (careful, don't fall!)
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.
CHORUS
You could thrust with a thrush if you fancy a climb,
Or pork a few piglets if you have the time,
A skinhead's pet cat if you don't mind a brawl,
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.
CHORUS
A sheep that's named 'Flossy' is warm you shall see,
You can try with a wasp, you can try with a bee.
You can hump with the dog that sleeps in the hall,
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.
CHORUS
A lion is frisky, a leopard is fun,
But to keep up with them you may have to run.
You'll be liked by the fleas at the flea-market stall,
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.
CHORUS
A hippo is funny but take care if underneath,