"I am sorry, Master Remo," Bubu apologized.
"I ordered this attack," Batubizee intoned. His massive sagging belly nearly obscured his loincloth. "Bubu has told me that it is Mandobar's woman who has brought East Africa to ruin and ordered you to kill me. I will have my revenge."
At the chief's side, the Master of Sinanju nodded approval. "It is good at times for men to fight their own battles," he said. "At others, it is prudent to enlist aid. A worthy leader understands the difference."
Batubizee's sweating face showed deep understanding. "You are truly a worthy successor to Nuk," he replied.
Remo and Bubu stood together near the frosted doors. The fighting inside seemed to be dying down. "If we're through with the life lesson, can we please get inside before all the good heads are taken?" Remo asked.
The Luzu chief and the Master of Sinanju exchanged a sharp nod. Hurrying across the patio, all four men ducked through the door and into the airconditioned hall.
WHEN WORD of the Luzu attack first broke, most of the village guards had fallen back to the auditorium. It was during the skirmish there that many of the crime leaders had found the time needed to flee. Of the many dead around the hall, nearly all were guards.
Remo, Chiun and their two Luzu companions avoided pools of blood and severed limbs on their race across the big room.
"You see Nellie anywhere?" Remo called over his shoulder.
Batubizee and Bubu were scanning the area. It sounded as if the final skirmish was being fought somewhere near the kitchen.
"She could be anywhere," Bubu said. "Perhaps she has already fled."
The steady rumble of helicopters above their heads had nearly died. "Let's try the roof," Remo suggested.
The stage near the open door was littered with bodies. While the band had been slaughtered where they sat, there was no sign of the Seasonings.
The four men mounted the stairs to the roof. They broke out onto the helipad just as two of the last four helicopters were lifting off.
A fat woman in a fruit hat and flowered burnoose was running desperately away from the spot where the two choppers had lifted off. She thundered over to one of the last two as it was preparing to take off.
"Let me on!" Nellie Mandorar cried, grabbing at the door frame.
A hand wielding a four-inch fluorescent limegreen clog appeared in the door.
"Let go, fattie!" Ho Seasoning snarled as she smacked the former East African first lady's thick fingers. "There's a two-ton weight limit."
For emphasis, she hurled her other shoe at Nellie. It struck Mrs. Mandobar square in the forehead. As the stunned woman staggered back, the helicopter took off. Regaining her senses, she ran for the last chopper.
It was already rising from the platform by the time she arrived. Fat fingers grabbed for the skids. They missed.
"I will have you necklaced!" Nellie Mandobar screamed furiously at the helicopter.
Overloaded, the chopper dropped from sight beside the plateau. It appeared a moment later in the distance, struggling to pull into the air.
"You are all dead!" Nellie screeched, waddling to the edge of the platform. Fat hands waved menacingly in the air. "I will burn you alive! Do you hear me! Listen to me!" She stomped a fleshy foot. Her fruit hat dropped over one eye. "Come back here this instant!"
But no amount of jumping or screaming would bring the helicopter back. Continuing to fly low, it headed off across the savannah toward the city, rotor noise fading.
"I am going to stop payment on your check!" Nellie yelled after the long-gone Seasonings. Furious at wasting four hundred dollars on the washed-up girl group, she wheeled in a desperate search for alternative transportation. Only then did she see Remo, Chiun and Chief Batubizee walking toward her. Spear raised, Bubu walked protectively next to his chief.
Nellie's bugging eyes collapsed to instant tunnel vision. The others were nothing; mere shadows. Seeing only the Luzu chief-the man whose attack had brought her to ruin-Nellie's eyes ignited beneath the mound of plastic fruit. A crazed serpent's hiss issued from deep within her ample bosom. "You!" she exclaimed.
And like a bull from a gate, she charged.
Long nails were talons. Bared white teeth were angry fangs as she raced across the helipad toward Batubizee.
Bubu sprang out to hurl his spear. Remo held his arm.
"Watch and learn, kid," he suggested quietly. The young native's worried eyes darted to Chiun. The Master of Sinanju had faded back, allowing Nellie a clear shot at the chief.
Batubizee stood motionless, raising himself to his full height. For the first time, Remo glimpsed the dignity of the ghosts who had built the Luzu Empire.
Nellie's head was tipped so that she could rip out Batubizee's throat with her chomping teeth. Growling, she was about to clamp down on his Adam's apple when a big fist lashed out.
Batubizee punched Nellie solidly in the chest just above her massive bouncing breasts. The wind whooshed from her lungs, and the former first lady of East Africa dropped backward onto her ample padded rump.
When the chief reached two clutching paws for her throat, a bony hand restrained him.
"In due time," the Master of Sinanju said softly. Nellie scurried from broad bottom to dimpled knees. Her rage collapsed once more to panic. "You have to get me out of here!" she begged. Her demented eyes were pleading as she looked at each of the four men above her.
That she would beg for help from the men who had led the attack on her party was evidence enough that there was more here than met the eye.
"Okay, Carmen Miranda," Remo said, his tone wary. "Why the big rush to leave?"
"I will tell you on board your helicopter," she promised. "Where is it? We must hurry!" Unblinking eyes darted in search of an invisible helicopter.
"Will I be as upset as you're gonna be when you find out our pilot took off on us?" Remo asked. Nellie's shriek sent sleeping birds a mile away fluttering into the dark sky.
"I'd say that's an 8.5 on the yes scale." Remo nodded to the others.
Nellie pushed herself upright on thick ankles. "A car will not get us far enough," she said, her mind reeling.
"Far enough from what?" the Master of Sinanju demanded.
She wheeled on him. "There is a nuclear bomb planted in a cave near here!" she cried. A plastic banana fell in front of her eye. She tore it loose, flinging it away. It landed near a pair of hollowedout Seasonings bellies.
"Not Deferens again," Remo groused. "What, did he plan on blowing up the whole continent?"
"What are you talking about?" Nellie spit. "Deferens had nothing to do with this."
"Then everyone in this dingdong country made the same deal, 'cause we just spent half the night defusing six bombs Elvis and Gamera planted around Bachsburg."
Nellie was trying to wrap her brain around what he was saying. "Camorra?" she asked. "But I made a deal with Don Giovani of the Sicilian Mafia to destroy this village. He and I were the only two meant to escape."
"I guess there's no such thing as an original plot," Remo said, "because that's just what he had in mind."
Confusion turned to cold rage. "I will kill him," Nellie menaced. She grabbed Remo by the arm. "Come, we will take your car. Do you have a spare tire? Oh, and we'll need to stop somewhere for gas."