Garreth gazed at me reluctantly, and then began.
“There is an immediate change to the human the moment a Guardian is corrupted. A change so significant, both physically and mentally, that the only thing it can really be compared to is like a soul leaving a dying body.” He gauged my reaction and kept going.
“Their body temperature even drops slightly as the protective warmth of their Guardian leaves them. It is replaced by something cold and malicious.”
“Is that why you feel so warm when I touch you? Like when you gave me some of your internal light?”
He nodded. “I don’t share the same composition as you. A Guardian appears substantial, even feels like flesh and blood to the touch, and runs several degrees warmer than a human does.”
Garreth studied me intently. His expression was soft, but there was pain in his eyes. He took my hand in his.
“Imagine the little spark of life deep inside you that convinces you what is right and what is wrong — what saves you from making poor decisions — saves you from danger. Imagine it suddenly ripped from you. The indecision and emptiness left behind would be much like a void so intolerable, so inconceivable it would drive the human insane.”
I couldn’t imagine Garreth being ripped from me like that. I couldn’t even imagine words for what that would do to me. Garreth was so much a part of me, it would truly be like slicing myself in half.
As if hearing my tormented thoughts unraveling themselves, Garreth placed his hand on my cheek and I leaned against its warmth.
“Once the Guardian is removed, the human becomes the perfect puppet,” he whispered, staring out the window. “Without the life-light of the Guardian, that person is free to be molded into whatever Hadrian wants them to be.”
He didn’t need to say any more. I knew what I had witnessed in Claire’s car and in the woods. It seemed as if it were too late for them now, with the exception of Lauren, perhaps. If it happened to the others, it would probably happen to her too. My only hope for any of them at this point was that things could somehow be restored, though how to go about that, I had no idea.
Hadrian would soon be in control and we were all powerless to stop him.
Garreth shifted into Drive and the car was moving once again. In the silence, I played the night over and over again, trying to make sense of what I had seen, of what it meant. I pulled Garreth’s warm hand into my own, cradling it in my lap, as if keeping a hold on him. I wouldn’t let Hadrian claim him. I wouldn’t let Hadrian rip my Guardian away from me. My fingers found their way to the lines embedded in his palm. His mark.
“Hadrian’s is different.”
“Excuse me?”
Garreth looked over at me. “Hadrian’s mark. It’s different. It’s shaped like two squares overlapping.”
Thanks to my curiosity and research on the computer earlier, I knew exactly what Garreth was describing to me, as though I was meant to know all along. If I remembered correctly, the double-squared star stood for separation and conflict, not only representing Hadrian for the type of Guardian he chose to be, but more importantly…his intentions.
My street was just around the bend and I put my head on Garreth’s shoulder. It was finally sinking in. If Hadrian was indeed in control of Ryan’s Guardian then he had been watching me longer than I realized.
And I had just left my best friend defenseless in the hands of something darker than she would ever know.
I was too worried to sleep but I couldn’t help closing my eyes as Garreth drove me home. Drifting off to a place far from the middle of the dark forest was inviting. But it wasn’t enough to shut out the dark faces and angry words plaguing me. Needless to say, to enter the world of sleep and escape would be a gift. Cradling against the hollow of his shoulder, I let the soothing scent of incense from Garreth’s presence fill my lungs, sustaining me as if he were the only air I would ever need.
It was very late by the time we arrived home from Garreth’s successful search-and-rescue mission. I turned my key as quietly as I could, using the back door this time to let myself in. I tiptoed past my mother who had fallen asleep again on the couch in the living room, her arm dangling limply at her side, and quietly turned off the television with the remote. Her breathing reassured me that it wasn’t likely she would wake up anytime soon.
I had a few moments to myself. It had been unlike me to invite Garreth to sneak into my room, but the very idea of letting my mind twist and play back the evening was too much for me to face alone. I felt too vulnerable.
So I asked him to do for me what he’s always done…protect me, even if it meant protecting me from my own thoughts. He promised he would come to me once he parked the Jeep safe from view around the corner. Sleep was now weighing heavily on me once again and I didn’t pay much attention to how he was going to get in. Assuming he would find a way, I trudged upstairs.
I peeled off my jeans followed by the brown sweater I had been wearing and stashed them in the hamper in my closet, slamming the lid with disgust as I thought about pulling the burrs off of the sleeves before my mom did the laundry. I replaced my dirty clothes with warm flannel pajama pants and a T-shirt and quickly began texting to Claire, not that she would be checking it anytime soon, let alone answering it. I had to know she was okay, and more importantly, I wanted to let her know that I was concerned. Ryan’s dark eyes kept creeping their way into my thoughts and I found my thumbs flying across the keyboard. Anything to get away from those dark, haunting eyes.
UOK? TXTME I waited. Nothing. I slid the pad open again.
?4U. WTH? B&R??????? H8M!
Silence.
WRU@?
I looked at the clock. It was well after one a.m. I would rather hear her voice than text her, but I had my suspicions she was still out with Brynn and Ryan. There was no way she would be able to hold a conversation.
My anxiety was building, and as if knowing that I needed him, Garreth was sitting at the end of my bed by the time I turned around.
“Tying up some loose ends?”
“I guess. She’s probably not even home yet.”
Something remotely similar to jealousy attached itself to my tone. I couldn’t help it. Claire was my best friend.
“I just don’t get it. I don’t mind that she might choose to have a friend other than me, but…there are plenty out there that would be better than them. They’re not even likable, not to mention I can count a thousand times when she’s complained about Brynn Hanson.”
Garreth patted the covers next to him, and I shuffled my way over. He pulled me to him without saying a word.
His eyes were soft in the pale light of the streetlamp that found its way through my open window.
Miraculously, I felt calm, as if he had erased the anxiety that had been simmering inside me.
“How do you do that? How do you calm me?”
“I can’t explain it too well. I picture myself being completely in tune with you. I breathe when you breathe. My heart beats when yours beats. I can time them perfectly to each other and then I just…slow it all down. It’s really very easy.”
I grew reflective as I listened to Garreth, a memory surfacing in my mind.
“What is it?” he asked me.
I sat picking at the loose threads on my quilt, giving my hands some sort of purpose.
“I was just remembering last year when Claire went on vacation with her family. It was the longest week of my life. I had to take the bus every day. I had to sit alone at lunch every day. Not one person offered to come sit and eat with me. Not even to talk to me. I sat there feeling sorry for myself, feeling like I didn’t belong like the rest of them. There was the jock table, the goth table, Brynn and her friends looking over every few minutes, laughing. But I sat alone. And you know? As I sat there, I realized that maybe there was nothing wrong with me — that maybe it was my own fault that I never tried to hang out with other people.”
I looked at Garreth. The look on his face was so tender; there was no pity for me at all. It was as if he was remembering it right along with me.
“I decided the next day I would try to weave myself into the lives of everyone else. I was even desperate enough to try it out on Brynn’s friends, that maybe if they accepted me, she would too. I was ready to sever my loyalty to Claire out of loneliness.”
“But you would be severing loyalty to yourself,” Garreth said.
“The following day,” I continued in a whisper, “that feeling was gone. There was a rhythm deep inside me that just magically appeared.” I let my gaze rest on him.
“I felt that calmness you give to me. I recognize it now. It was you, wasn’t it?”
Garreth tenderly swept a stray hair from my face, tucked it behind my ear, and nodded.