“Yeah, my mom misses him a lot.”
“I meant it’s a shame he never got to know you.”
I looked at Garreth swaying on his swing. He had such a way of spreading a warm feeling over me, a way of saying just the right thing, and I realized that played a huge part in why I liked him so much. It wasn’t because he was out-of-this-world handsome. It had nothing to do with his looks at all.
Here was a boy, starting over in a new school, who appeared to have everything going for him, so he could have chosen anyone he wanted to bring here today.
More so, he could easily choose to be the most popular kid at Carver High School, but he didn’t seem to want that. In fact, for today, he made me believe he wanted me.
“I think your name is beautiful.” Garreth smiled.
Once again, I blushed. “So who picked your name, your mother or your father?” I asked.
“Neither. I don’t have parents, biological anyway.”
A tiny gasp escaped me and I instantly felt horrible.
“Don’t worry. No harm done. I happen to live with a wonderful family.”
His beautiful smile told me to let it all go but I couldn’t let it evaporate that quickly. My thoughts flickered to asking him if he had a foster family, or was adopted, but I couldn’t bring myself to and I muttered a tiny but sincere, “Sorry.”
“But it has a pretty cool meaning, though. It means “light.”
How does he do that? No matter how stupid I act or feel, all he has to do is smile that perfect smile and it erases everything.
“It fits you,” I said with a smile.
“Do you have any siblings?”
“No. Just me and my mom.”
“So you two are very close to each other.”
“Very. We’re sort of all each other has.”
I thought of my mother and how she probably thought I was doing my homework right now. Guilt was sinking in.
“You don’t have to be nervous around me,” his soft voice whispered, sensing my unease and interrupting my reverie.
“I’m not, I…”
Garreth looked down at the ground. “You want to ask me about yesterday, don’t you?”
“I…” I stammered, making him look up at me.
“I can see it in your eyes.” His face was so close to mine.
“I really don’t know what happened yesterday,” I whispered back.
“Are you afraid to know?”
“Should I be?”
“Tell me something. Do you ever remember your past?
I don’t mean yesterday or last week, but do you ever wonder if you’ve lived before?” His voice was soft and reflective, sneakily changing the subject, and I slowly lifted my head to look at him again.
“Do you mean like feeling déjà vu?”
“In a sense, yes. But more.”
“Sure I do.”
I thought deeply for a moment. How else could I explain certain feelings and memories that pop up on me from out of nowhere, as if they had just happened yesterday? It was very similar to how I felt around Garreth, that strange sensation of being familiar with him even though he was very much a stranger to me.
Though I hoped to change that.
“What does this have to do with yesterday?”
“More than you know,” he said under his breath as he looked away. “Do you believe things happen for a reason? That it’s possible for certain people to come into our lives, to cross paths with us for a certain purpose? A part played in one master plan?”
He took the chains of my swing and pulled me closer to him. Our knees touched and nothing could prepare me for the shock waves that rolled through me. He smelled utterly delicious, as though he were surrounded by an ancient aura, something old and familiar…comforting. I was able to pick up a definite blend of vanilla and something more earthy, like teakwood, spicy and masculine.
“Do you believe that?” His eyes were deep with emotion as they intently searched mine, bringing me back to the conversation.
“What are you trying to tell me?” I whispered, mostly to myself.
It was hard to stay clearheaded around him. I caught that familiar scent again as his face bent toward mine.
My incense. My insides twisted with a feeling I couldn’t put my finger on, like a strange memory recessed too deeply for me to recall. He hesitated, drawing in a deep breath.
“Do you believe there is a heaven?” Garreth whispered, his face close enough that I could feel his breath on my hair.
“Yes,” I whispered back. How could I possibly tell him that if heaven were real it would be here. Now.
“And angels?”
My mind flashed back to yesterday…my foot slipping off the curb…Garreth coming to help me…the strange fact that no one else seemed to notice, as if time had stood still or had been reversed somehow. A couple of seven year olds invaded the quiet, racing for the jungle gym, but they were like silent ghosts to me as Garreth smoothed his thumb across my forehead, as though feeling where my thoughts came from. I felt my pulse quicken, my heart racing behind my ribs…wings came to mind.
I slowly looked up at him and asked what I knew was slightly irrational. “Are you for real?”
“Do you think I’m real?” He flashed a sly smile. Deep down I doubted he was joking.
“I’m not sure I can answer that,” I whispered as we hopped off the swings and headed back to his car. I was beginning to feel that everything he had asked me was from a previous conversation, but a conversation I had held recently in my own thoughts.
Then a horrible, sinking feeling hit me. I wasn’t ready to have him drive me home and say good-bye just yet.