"Let's find a pay phone," said Remo.
"You did not stay to watch?"
"The stewardesses commit hara-kiri? No. Too messy."
"It is the one Japanese custom of which I approve," Chiun said loudly in English. "If only more Japanese would slit their bellies in shame of being born of these islands."
"Look," hissed Remo, "can we just be on our way?"
"Yes," said Chiun even more loudly. "Let us be on our way. Let us enter Occupied Japan with all its sinister intrigues."
"Japan isn't occupied anymore, Little Father."
"It is occupied by Japanese. Better it were occupied by Koreans, who would improve it. But that is not to be in my lifetime, I fear."
Remo noticed they were being followed by a white gloved security detail so he pretended not to be with the Master of Sinanju. He found a pay phone and dialed the USA country code, then leaned on the 1 button.
"We're here," Remo told Smith when the lemony voice came over the line.
"Go to the Sunburst Hotel on Sakai-Suji Avenue," Smith said.
"No time. Chiun's already stirred up the natives. We've got to be in and out quick."
"I have not yet determined a plan of attack for you," Smith hissed.
"We can go in and kill everyone," Remo suggested.
"Technicians and salary men are not worth our time. Go to Nishitsu Osaka. Make sure the Nishitsu executives understand we have discovered their plot to destroy our rail system and have traced it back to them."
"How?"
"You will find a way. Just be subtle. You are delivering a message."
Rejoining Chiun, Remo related the conversation, then added, "Guess we're just going to have to march in and kick butt."
"Too subtle," Chiun said, stroking his wispy beard. "You call that subtle?"
"I have a more appropriate idea. One that will impress even thick Japanese skulls."
"You lead and I'll follow."
Remo did. First to the Osaka customs counter, where Chiun was asked if he had anything to declare. The question and the Master of Sinanju's vituperative answer were in Japanese, and Remo didn't understand any of it. But the way the customs officials' ears turned red and their facial expressions flattened out suggested that Chiun had declared them all illegitimate sons of Japanese snow monkeys.
The security police who were hovering in the background now rushed forward.
More heated exchanges transpired.
Chiun flung hot words and brandished his jade nail protector in official faces. Someone decided it was undeclared contraband and attempted to seize it.
Instead, he seized his own crotch. Others seized other sensitive portions of their anatomies and Remo had to rush in to rescue the Japanese constabulary from the Master of Sinanju's wickedly flashing nails.
He accomplished this by sending them spinning into a nearby men's room and with his hand cold-soldering the door shut after the last one tumbled in.
After that Remo followed the Master of Sinanju to a waiting taxi.
"Why did you not come to my aid sooner?" Chiun sniffed. "You know I am nearly toothless in my present condition."
"I was pretending I wasn't with you, okay?"
"I do not blame you," Chiun said, voice suddenly dejected. "I have allowed myself to be shamed in your eyes. And in the eyes of my ancestors. I wear a horn of jade where my Killing Nail should be."
"That's not it, Little Father. I just didn't want to be made."
Chiun's eyebrows lifted. "But it's all right that I am made?"
"Look, you couldn't be more obvious if you carried a flag. I like to blend in."
"I would like to blend the Japanese shogun who stole my honor," Chiun said fiercely.
"Just keep a low profile and you'll get your wish," Remo cautioned.
Chiun gave the driver instructions and Remo spent the ride looking out the rear window in case they were being pursued.
"You know they'll be looking for us when we try to fly out of Osaka," Remo undertoned.
"I will be looking for them, too," sniffed Chiun. "They who dared covet the nail protector of Gi."
"A previous Master broke a nail?"
"Gi had weak cuticles and protected his Killing Nails when he was not dispatching enemies of the Khan with them."
"Which Khan?"
"Kublai."
"Gi worked for the Khan who oppressed Korea?"
"Gi offered his services to the Korean emperor, whose offer was far less than that of the Khan."
"Doesn't sound like much of a Master."
"He was a wonderful historian and so we revere him."
"You revere him," said Remo, "The only thing I revere is finishing this freaking assignment."
"Oh? Are Japanese bothering you?"