Grandpa sits across his coffee table from us, in the loveseat, his elbows on his knees, his pipe forgotten in his hand. He looks a little pale, and, for a second, I'm afraid we gave him a heart attack. He glares at Luc, sitting next to me on the couch. "A demon," he repeats for the sixth time. At first he laughed and told us to stop pulling his leg. He's not laughing now.
Luc holds Grandpa's gaze without wavering. "I was. I'm not totally sure what I am now."
"Human," I say. "You're turning human."
Luc shoots me a wary smile.
"How does that work?" Grandpa's voice doesn't boom. He sounds uncharacteristically weak.
"Frannie's… special," Luc says.
Now Grandpa's voice does boom. "I know that! That doesn't explain anything. Why are ya here?"
"I beg your pardon, sir, but it explains everything. Frannie has special talents. Power that is invaluable to the Underworld. I came to claim her soul for Hell, but her power is changing me."
Grandpa jumps off of the couch. "Get away from her! Frannie, get over here." He lunges toward us and grabs my arm, pulling me off the couch and around the coffee table. He tucks me under his arm protectively.
"Grandpa, please. Just listen to us."
"I'm hearin' ya loud and clear," he says, glaring at Luc. "Get the hell back to where ya came from. Ya can't have Frannie."
"He doesn't want me!" I blurt and then blush and smile at Luc. "Well, not like that, anyway."
Luc smiles back, but then his expression becomes grave. "Sir, I really need your help."
There's venom I've never heard in Grandpa's voice. "You want me to help you drag my granddaughter to Hell?"
"No, I want you to help me tag her soul for Heaven."
I hear my breath catch, and I squirm out from under Grandpa's arm. "You shit! You said you wanted Grandpa to help hide us."
"You need to figure out how to forgive yourself Frannie. I think your grandfather's the best person to help you do that. This Shield might work, but if it doesn't, Gabriel's the only one who can keep you safe. He loves you, Frannie, and he's got some pull with the Big Guy. He may be able to keep things reasonable for you."
"I want my life, goddamit!"
"What are ya all talking about?" Grandpa looks a mix of frightened confusion.
"Frannie's soul can't be tagged for Hell if it's already tagged for Heaven. But Frannie can't be tagged for Heaven unless she forgives herself for M-"
"Stop!" I scream. "Just stop! This isn't what I want!"
"But it's what you need," Luc says, gazing deep into my eyes.
"Go to Hell!"
"I will, but I'm not taking you with me."
I'm a huge ball of frustrated anger. I want to kill him for stabbing me in the back. "Get out!"
"Frannie?" In my rage, I'd forgotten Grandpa was here. "Talk to me."
I look at him, and everything is lost in a flood of tears. I hug him and hold on for dear life. He sits on the loveseat, bringing me with him, and I lay my head on his shoulder and cry for what feels like forever. When I lift my head and look around, Luc is gone.
"What did he mean, Frannie? About forgiving yourself?"
The tears well up again, and my throat chokes off. I can't say it, can I? Not to Grandpa. 'Cause if he hates me, it would kill me. But when I look in his eyes and see all his wisdom… "I killed Matt, Grandpa."
He doesn't say anything, but as the tears start to fall again, he pulls me to his chest in a bear hug and I feel safer than I have in ten years. I sink into him, exhausted. When I wake up, he's still holding me. And then we talk… and I tell him everything.
He doesn't say anything for a really long time, and I'm sure I've ruined everything. Now that he knows what a terrible person I am, things will never be the same. But then he looks me hard in the eye. "Sounds like you've been luggin' this load of horse manure around for a long time."
He hates me. I knew it. I feel my chest cave in, like my heart just collapsed.
"Listen, Frannie. I wasn't there and I don't know what happened, but I do know this heart," he pats my back, "and it's a good one. If what ya say is true, it was just a terrible accident."
I shake my head hard, like maybe I can throw off the guilt. "But I was so mad. I… hated him."
"I'm pretty sure ya couldn't hate anything if ya tried, Frannie. Ya don't have it in ya. Sounds to me like what happened just happened. Nobody's fault."
But he's wrong. It was my fault.
"Everybody's got their own crap they carry around with them. I know that firsthand. After your grandma died…" He trails off, shaking his head. He squeezes my shoulders a little tighter. "It's human nature to blame ourselves when bad stuff happens-to think about what we coulda done so things woulda turned out different."
I see the guilt on his face and it kills me. "What happened to Grandma wasn't your fault, Grandpa." It was mine. I should have tried harder to make Mom come over.
"But that doesn't mean it ain't gonna feel that way." He pulls his arm from around my shoulders and grasps my hand. "You and Matt were closer than most. I don't know what happened in that tree, but no matter what it was, you weren't gonna come out of it okay. But there comes a time when ya gotta see it for what it was: an accident."
I feel the hard ball of cold terror I've carried in my chest for the last ten years soften a little around the edges. Part of what he's saying is true. I didn't mean to kill Matt. So maybe I'm not a monster.
But that doesn't make it any less my fault.
I tuck into his side and sit there for hours more.