side with his precious bundle, weightless as bird's feathers.
Outside, he placed Chiun carefully on his back on the sidewalk. The old man's eyelids fluttered. "That was the worst experience of my life," Chiun said, shuddering.
"I swear I'll kill every last one of them. How bad is it?"
"How bad is what?" Chiun asked.
"The wound," Remo said.
"Wound? Wound?"
Slowly, Remo opened the kimono where the deep red stain was.
"What-Remo-stop that, you animal," Chiun sputtered, slapping Remo's hands.
"I have to see, Little Father." Remo pulled the kimono open over a flash of intact yellow skin.
Chiun bounded to his feet, his eyes bulging. "You have become insane!" he screeched, jumping up and down wildly, the wisps of white hair on his head streaming out behind him. "The stench of that vile place has turned you into a pervert." He clapped his hands over his sunken cheeks. "And you choose to perform your odious acts with me, with the Master of Sinanju himself. Oh, crazy one, this is the end. You have gone too far now."
He stomped off, spitting on the ground and cursing his fate to have wasted so many years on a pupil who dared to attempt the unspeakable with his own master.
"Chiun-Chiun," Remo called, racing after him. "I only wanted to see where you were hurt."
"Hurt! My heart is broken. My very soul has been desecrated. You attempted to disrobe the Master of Sinanju on a public sidewalk. Oh, this day, this day is cursed. Never should I have arisen this day. First
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a foul-smelling meat eater tosses purple egg juice onto my hand-woven kimono. Then my own son- no. Not my son. A perverted white man whom I was duped into believing was my good creation, whom I nurtured and taught the secrets of ages. With his own hands, this white beast dares to expose my very flesh on the street. In the debris of a saloon. Oh, shame. The house of Sinanju will never recover from this shame."
"Egg juice?"
"As I was defending myself from the lunatic assault of a drunken person with a bottle, a sea of putrid purple egg juice struck my garment. This is a foul day, a day I shall never be able to forget." He shook his head.
"You mean you're not wounded?"
"I am deeply wounded. Grievously, irreparably wounded. I must go now to burn incense and seek purification."
"Wait here." Remo ran back to the tavern, where a multitude of uniformed policemen had gathered to escort the customers into a waiting paddy wagon. He checked the wagon, and he checked the bar, but Daniels was gone.
"I've lost him," Remo said. "I lost my target because of your egg juice. I just blew my assignment."
"Do not speak to me, perverted one," Chum said as he strode briskly toward their parked car. "I wish to be returned to my flowerless domicile, where I will make preparations to return to my village and accept the dishonor that has befallen the House of Sinanju."
"Chiun, will you please calm down? I wasn't trying to expose you. I thought you were bleeding, that's all. I didn't know you'd go to pieces over a pickled egg."
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"Ugh. The very thought of a pickled egg is revolting. And my kimono is destroyed. It must be burned."
"You have at least a hundred more."
"And if a mother who has five children sees one of them drowned in egg juice, does she say merely that she has four others and blot the fifth child from her memory? This was my favorite robe. It is irreplaceable. And all for your silly assignment, which you did not even complete successfully. It should" not have been difficult to assassinate a man whose belly had been recently stuffed with bloody beef, white bread, and fountains of alcohol."
"How do you know what he eats?"
"I smelled it."
"In the bar?"
"No, no. Idiot. One could smell nothing in that place to compare with its own stomach-shattering fragrances. I smelled it outside, just before you attempted to display my belly to the world."
"Outside where?"
"Fool. On the fire escape. Great billows of bloody beef and an alcoholic beverage based on mesquite were emanating from his mouth. Had your breathing been adequate, you could have perceived it as well."
Remo looked at the fire escape platform just above the front door.
"The fire escape? You saw him up there?"
"Why are you constantly amazed by what I say?" Chiun screamed. "I told you he was on the fire escape. Therefore, I obviously saw him. Perhaps you should join the ranks of your CIA. A person of your intelligence should be most welcome there."
Remo exhaled deeply. "I don't believe it," he said. "I just don't believe it. You knew I had to get
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to Daniels. You saw Daniels. And you didn't tell me."
"It is not my responsibility to do your smelling for you," Chiun sniffed. "You have evidently grown so obtuse and perverted that you cannot even summon your olfactory senses to assist you. A fine assassin. Nothing but a thug. Why should I strain my powers to assist a thug in eliminating such a magnificent specimen of a man?"
"Wait a minute. Two hours ago, you were telling me that Daniels was just another target, just another mission for the good of Sinanju."
"I said nothing of the kind."
"You did too, Chiun."
"Then I have changed my mind. Your Mr. Daniels is a great man. A superb man. His leap to the fire escape was astonishing, for one who has tortured his body for so long."
"I don't get it," Remo said. "Did he see you?"
"Of course. One does not look upon the glory of Sinanju without notice."
"What did he do when he saw you?"
"Do? Why, he did only what was proper and fitting. He saluted me."
"I see. Thanks. Thanks a very large pile, Chiun. He could be dangerous, you know."