"Did you hear that, Remo? A feast. Smith never so much as invited us to break bread in his home."
"Good. I'm starved."
"Hush. The feast is not for our stomachs, but for our souls."
"Still, I'm eating."
"Remember your pledge. No maize."
"Don't remind me."
When the food came, it was conveyed in steaming pots and samovars. There was much lamb, great hunks of beef and fowl and other dishes that delighted the senses with their vibrant colors and scents.
When all was laid out before them and the king of Macedonia had joined them on the floor of his palace dining room, whose Western-style furniture had been cleared out in deference to the more refined sensibilities of the Master of Sinanju, Remo and Chiun both spoke the same sentence in the same beat.
"Where is the rice?"
"Rice?" said the ruler of Macedonia. "Rice is Greek."
"Rice is Korean," said Chiun.
"Rice is food," echoed Remo.
"Have we rice?"
The chief said, "No. Rice is outlawed as a forbidden Greek foodstuff."
Remo started. "You outlawed rice?"
"Greek rice," the Macedonian king said hastily. "Unfortunately we have no Korean rice."
"Japanese rice will suffice," said Chiun.
"Or Chinese," added Remo.
"Alas, we have no rice of any kind due to an unjust Greek embargo."
Chiun's hands fluttered in annoyance. "No rice? No rice? The first Master of Sinanju was paid in rice."
The downcast king of Macedonia brightened. "Truly? You would accept rice in payment?"
"No. I said the first Master, for in the days of the first Master gold was unknown and the first coins lay in the dirt unminted."
"I didn't know that," said Remo, genuinely interested. "I guess that's sorta like Will Work For Food, huh?"
A slap on his knee informed Remo that he was not to interrupt again.
"It was in the days of Master Kum that the House first knew of gold. When offered gold instead of rice, he instead slew the king who requested service."
"Did he keep the gold?" the Macedonian king wondered.
"Of course. For it was payment," Chiun answered testily.
"Later, a king of Lydia named Croesus created the first coins of gold, and Kum, curious of this, sought service of him. When the coin was proffered, it looked to Kum's eye like a kind of food the Japanese made, ornate and appealing to the eye. When the king attempted to show its purity by making tooth marks on it, Master Kum took the coin and attempted to eat it."
"He slay Croesus?" Remo asked.
"No. But as gold and coin became the currency of greatest value in the ancient world, Masters ever since have demanded gold first and other valuables secondly."
"You will not accept rice?" asked the king of Macedonia.
"As tribute, yes. As payment, no. You have gold?"
"Some. Some. But I must tell you about Macedonia."
"Where's the fish?" interrupted Remo.
"In with the stew."
"I can't eat fish stew."
"It is good."
"It has corn floating in it," Remo complained.
"Pick the corn out."
"He cannot taste any food that has been contaminated by corn," Chiun said loftily. "For he has allergies."
Remo hunted among the arrayed dishes with his dark eyes. "You got duck?"
"No duck. But there are many delightful dishes prepared. Sample any. If you like it, eat your fill."
"I'll have water," said Remo unhappily.
A flagon of water big enough to bathe in was hauled in by two strapping waiters.
Remo dipped a finger in, sniffed and sampled it.
"Brackish."
"It came from the Varda."
"Brackish," Remo repeated.
Chiun spoke up. "Back to the gold."