"Relax. It's not armed. At least, that's what they told us."
Smith booted up his desk computer and worked diligently for several minutes. He became utterly oblivious to his surroundings. When his patrician face came up, his gray skin was two shades paler and his voice had a frog in it.
"I can confirm that an SS-20 missile is currently targeted on the village of Sinanju. But why?"
"Washington thinks it's a secret-weapon installation."
"Where do they get that idea?"
"Pyongyang announced it controlled a secret weapon it called the Sinanju Scorpion," explained Remo. "Someone found Sinanju on a map, checked it out by satellite, noticed the three-lane highway Kim II Sung built for Chiun's convenience and decided the Horns of Welcome had to be some kind of death thingy."
"They are more correctly called the Horns of Warning," said Chiun.
"You've been to Sinanju, Smitty. You know what I'm talking about."
"Isn't it a natural rock formation?" Smith asked.
Chiun shook his aged head. "The rock is natural, but Master Yong carved it into the shape that welcomed seafaring clients and warned invaders that here was the inviolate seat of the Master of Sinanju. Ever since Yong, Korea has been conquered many times, but my village remains forever free."
Smith's prim mouth tightened to a bloodless knot. "You mentioned a trade."
"Yeah," said Remo. "According to Jong, this is the North's only nuke. It's yours if you de-target Sinanju."
"Done," said Harold Smith.
Remo blinked. "Can you do that?"
Smith nodded firmly. "Either through secret channels or directly through the President, but I assure you both it can and will be done."
"Good," said Remo, satisfied.
"Er—will there be anything else?"
Remo eyed Chiun and the Master of Sinanju nodded silently.
"We're still on the open market," said Remo.
Smith wiped his brow with a handkerchief. "I know. The planet is on the brink of global conflagration as a result."
"We've kinda been away from cable these last couple of days. But the good news is that we defused the Korean crisis."
"I can suggest the President redouble his efforts to secure funding to reactivate your contract."
Chiun piped up. "Triple."
"Triple," Smith blurted.
"Triple. For we are secret weapons now, sought mightily by nations across the face of the earth."
"Will you accept diamonds and other valuables in supplement for half of the gold involved?"
"No. The House no longer accepts diamonds, for they are not truly valuable or rare. I have been told this by no less than PBS, whom some conspirators are attempting to suppress."
"One-third silver?" Smith said hopefully.
"No. No silver, no electrum and no aluminum."
"Aluminum?"
"A Master made an error," Chiun said blandly. "He thought he was being paid in a rare new metal. He later discovered it was only new."
"I see," said Smith. "And which Master was that?"
"His name does not matter," Chiun said testily. "It is enough to know he was young at the time and later learned from his mistake, bringing great wealth and fame to the village. His name will one day be writ large in the Book of Sinanju."
"It was Chiun," Remo whispered to Smith. "One of his first assignments. He's still embarrassed about it."
"Cease whispering," Chiun spat. "Now I must have your answer, Smith."
Harold Smith swallowed so hard his Adam's apple bobbed.
"I will see what I can do," he said, reaching for the red telephone link to the White House.
The President of the United States was firm. He was direct. He was decisive.
The combined Joint Chiefs of Staff barely recognized him.
"The crisis is over," he said flatly.
"Which one?"
"All of them. The Iraqis have surrendered, the South Koreans have withdrawn to the Thirty-eighth Parallel, Macedonia and the Balkans have subsided and the Mexican army is withdrawing from our border, with apologies."
The Joint Chiefs of Staff were so stunned they were at a loss for words.
"And we have come into possession of the only nuclear weapon developed in North Korea," he announced.
The generals regarded one another doubtfully.
"Are you certain of your facts?" asked the JCS chair.
"It's ours," the President said firmly.
The secretary of defense couldn't conceal his disbelief. "The North surrendered their only nuke, with the South Koreans knocking at their gates?"
"That's all I can tell you at this time."