"Seeds, then? They're very hard."
"No."
"Then what?"
"They are the precious egg bits." Remo blinked. He looked at his spoon.
"I don't get it. Eggs aren't hard and crunchy." He looked closer. He noticed that the specks were shaped like tiny shards of glass. Some were white. Others a dark brown. He jiggled his spoon and noticed that some of the brown ones were white on the opposite side. What did that remind him of? Remo wondered.
"How do you get an egg to be this hard?" he asked.
"It is simple," Chiun replied. "You take the raw egg, and you break it over a bowl. Then you place the shell in another bowl."
"Yeah," said Remo. He was hanging on every word.
"And there you are," said Chiun, beaming.
"Did I miss a step here?" Remo asked.
"You wish to know the recipe?"
"If that will explain the egg part, yeah."
Chiun shrugged. "It is simple. In a pot you have the lemon broth simmering."
"Right. Lemon broth."
"Then you take the bowl with the eggshells and the bowl with the inedible eggs' hearts."
"That means the whites and yolks. Yeah. Go on."
"Then," said Chiun rapidly, "you pour the first bowl down the sink and the second bowl into the broth, first taking care to crush the eggs into small edible pieces."
"The shells!" Remo roared. "I'm eating eggshell soup!"
"Egg-lemon soup," Chiun corrected, his face stung. "And a moment ago you were raving about it."
"Raving. I'm hysterical!" Remo snapped. "Why didn't you tell me these were shells? I wouldn't have eaten them!"
"But they are good for you. Did you not enjoy your first five bowls?"
Remo's face calmed down. "Well, yeah, actually I did. But now that these are eggshells, it's a different story."
"That is the recipe. Had I used the hearts of the eggs, you would have been dead after your first bowl."
"Yeah, but-"
"I do not understand, Remo. If it was delicious when you did not know its ingredients, why is it not still delicious after you know these things?"
"It is delicious," Remo said defensively, and Chiun's face softened.
"Then eat," Chiun implored. "There is plenty."
"You're still on your first bowl," Remo observed.
"At my age, it is better to eat in moderation. But you are young yet. Come, fill your stomach. This is a happy day. "
"Okay with you if I skip the shells?"
"But they are the best part. And you would not spoil this auspicious day by not eating what I have slaved over all day?"
"I won't chew them, then."
"If that is your wish," Chiun said sadly.
"Okay, I'll chew," said Remo. "See?" His teeth went crunch-crunch against the bits of eggshell.
Chiun beamed. He looked like a wrinkled little angel. When the meal was over and Remo had cleared the table, he asked:
"So what do we do now?"
"It is time for Copra Inisfree. We will watch her show."
"Okay," said Remo, but only to be polite. He had no interest in the talk-show hostess whom Chiun found so fascinating.
But when the Master of Sinanju settled on his reed mat before the living-room television, the picture that greeted his eyes sent his happy face into shocked dismay.
"What is this?" he demanded querulously. "Where is Copra the Clown?"
Remo looked. "Guess she's been replaced. This guy is the new hot thing."
On the screen was the name "Horton Droney III" inside a graphic designed to resemble a shouting mouth. The image dissolved into a shot of a cheering studio audience. Then a casually dressed man jogged down the studio aisle, giving high fives to enthusiastic greeters. In the background, Remo noticed that security guards were dragging other audience members away. One took a switchblade away from a black man. Others shouted epithets to the man who, once on the stage, appeared not to notice that not all the commotion was in his favor. He shot the audience a huge smile. His teeth were so big and white the smile made his face seem suddenly dirty.
"Tonight's guests-and I use the term loosely-are a quack and a fraud," said Horton Droney III in a too-loud voice. "The quack's here to plug his book, The Hidden Healing Powers of Cheese." A hardcover book flew into Horton Droney's hands. He pretended to flip through the pages. "And a piece of Swiss it is too." He threw the book over his shoulder. It knocked over a standing spotlight. The crowd cheered wildly.
Chiun turned to Remo. "Explain this creature to me."
"Where do I start?"
"With the answer to a simple question. Why does he have a Roman numeral for a last name?"
"Actually, he doesn't. The number III means 'the third.' He's Horton Droney the Third."
Chiun's wrinkles smoothed in surprise. "You mean there are two more like him?"
"Not exactly. It means his father is Horton Droney II. Probably his grandfather was the First."