The beast now awakened, demanding to be fed. And despite my best efforts to get out of this place before it's too late-it is too late. He's come to find me.
"Well, fancy finding you here."
Roman leans in the doorway, all golden haired and shiny teethed, his glinting blue eyes fixed right on me. "You're looking rather-piqued. Everything all right?" His contrived British accent causing his voice to rise in a way that usually annoys me to no end, but now-now I find it so alluring it's all I can do to stay where I am. Continuing to fight this epic battle now raging inside me-that strange, foreign pulse versus me.
He laughs, head tossed back in a way that clearly displays the Ouroboros tattoo on his neck-the snake coiling, slithering, its beady eyes seeking mine, as its long, skinny tongue beckons me near.
And despite everything I know about good and evil, right and wrong, immortals and rogues, I step forward. Taking one small step toward defeat, that's quickly followed by another.
And another. My gaze fixed on Roman-gorgeous, glorious Roman. He's all I can see. All that I need. Only vaguely aware of that small glimmer of me, still in there somewhere-struggling, shouting, demanding to be heard-but it just can't compete. And it's not long before it's silenced by the singleminded pulse now residing inside me-its sights set on only one thing.
His name swells on my lips, as I stand right before him, so close I can make out each individual violet fleck in his eyes, and feel the cool chill that emanates off his skin. The same chill I once found abhorrent, repulsive, but not anymore. Now it's a welcome siren, calling me home.
"Always knew you'd come around." He grins, his gaze slowly taking me in as he buries his fingers in my tangle of hair. "Welcome to the dark side, Ever, I think you'll be quite happy here." He laughs, the sound of it enveloping me in a delicious frostbitten hug. "Not surprised you shrugged off that old wanker Damen. Figured you'd grow tired of him eventually.
All of the waiting-the angst-the gawd-awful soul searching-not to mention the do-gooding." He shakes his head and grimaces as though the thought alone pains him. "I don't know how you stood it for as long as you did. And for what, I might ask? Because I hate to break it to you, luv, but there are no future rewards up yonder when your future's right here." He stamps his foot on the ground. "A bloody waste of time, it is.
No use delaying gratification when the instant kind works best.
There are pleasures to be had, Ever. Pleasures of a magnitude you can't even begin to understand. But, lucky for you, I'm the forgiving type. I'm more than willing to serve as your guide. So, tell me, where should we start, luv, your place or mine?"
His fingers trail along my cheek, my shoulder, working their way down to the loose neck of my dress. And even though the feel of it's icy, bracing, in the strongest sense of the word, I can't help but lean into it, can't help but close my eyes and immerse myself in the feel of it, urging him to scoop lower, explore further, prepared to go wherever he takes me-"Ever? Is that you? Are you fugging kidding me?"
I open my eyes to find Haven standing behind us. Her eyes narrowed, blazing with anger as they dart between Roman and me. Not letting up in the slightest when he laughs and pushes me away, discarding me quickly and easily, as though it meant nothing to him.
"Told you she'd be back, luv." His gaze sails over my shaky, sweaty body, so overcome with unrequited yearning, it pains me to see him slide his arm around her. The two of them turning their backs on me and heading inside as he says, "You know Ever. She just can't stay away."
I run.
Covering the blocks in a matter of seconds, appearing as a fast-moving blur to all whom I pass. But I don't care about that.
Don't care what they think-what they see. I care about only one thing-ridding myself of this horrible invader, this mystical trespasser-so the old me can return.
Bursting through the door just as Jude's about to lock it, nearly knocking him over though he's quick to jump out of my way.
"I need help." I stand before him, gasping, wheezing, broken beyond repair. "I–I don't know where else to go."
He looks me over, eyes narrowed, brows knit with concern, leading me toward the back room where he pulls out a chair with his foot and motions for me to sit.
"Easy," he coos. "Deep breaths. Seriously, Ever. Whatever it is, I'm sure it can be fixed."
I shake my head and lean toward him, gripping the arms of my chair, fighting to stay rooted, to not go back there. "But what if you're wrong?" I say, eyes wild, cheeks flushed, voice high-pitched and shaky. "What if it can't be worked out? What if I'm-what if I'm broken for good?"
He moves around his desk and drops onto his chair, swiveling back and forth as he slowly takes me in, his face still, placid, impossible to read. But something about the movement, that gentle, constant pivoting, instantly calms me.
Allowing me to settle back in my seat, slow my breath, and focus on the way his dreadlocks spill over the colorful picture of Ganesh that's splashed across his tee.
"Look," I finally say, starting to feel better, almost human again. "I'm-I'm sorry for coming here like this. I was actually on my way over to give you this." I reach for my bag, rooting around for the small white package I then hand to him.
Watching him peek at the contents as I say, "It's your prescription. I picked it up earlier and meant to leave it on your desk, but then I forgot all about it 'til now." He nods, silent for a moment, studying me carefully as he says, "Ever, what's this really about? Clearly, you're not here to talk about my meds."
He pushes the pills aside with his cast, catching my look when he adds, "Trust me, I have no plans to take 'em. Pain pills and me-not a good mix. As I'm sure you've already witnessed."
And when he looks at me, I know he remembers.
Everything. All of it. The full-on confession he made.
I press my lips together and lower my gaze, fiddling with the hem of my dress, knowing I'm just going through the motions when I say, "Well, you might want to take the antibiotics at least-you know, to ward off infection and all."
He leans back in his seat and places his feet on his desk, crossing his legs at the ankle as his amazing green eyes narrow on me. "What do you say we move past all this and get to the point-what's really going on with you?"
I take a deep breath, smoothing my dress over my knees before tentatively meeting his gaze. "I did come here to bring you the pills, really. But on the way over-something happened-and-" I look at him, knowing I need to just get to the point, spit it out already before he loses his patience with me. "I think I accidentally bound Roman to me."
He looks at me, trying hard not to balk, though he still kinda does.
"Or, actually, I bound myself to Roman. But not on purpose-it was an accident. I meant to do just the opposite, but then, when I tried to undo it, it just made things worse. And even though you have absolutely no reason to help me-believe it or not, I have nowhere to turn."
"Nowhere?" You sure about that?" He lifts his spliced brow.
Gathering my words, hoping they'll work to convince him, I heave an audible sigh when I say, "I know what you're thinking, but you may as well forget it. I can't tell Damen-he can never know what I've done. He doesn't work magick-doesn't really trust it for that matter-so it's not like he can do anything to help. I'll just be hurting and disappointing him for no good reason. But you-you're different. You know your way around a spell. And since I need help from someone who's familiar with this kind of thing-well, I thought you could show me how to set things right."
"Sounds like you're putting a lot of faith in me." He tosses his dreadlocks over his shoulder and rests his arms on his lap.
"Maybe." I shrug. "But then I truly believe that it's warranted. I mean, now that I've proved you're not evil-" I nod toward his arms, the sight of them sparking an idea, something I just might broach at some point, something that just might be the perfect way to make it all up to him-but in the future, not now.
First I need to get through this. Swallowing hard as I lower my gaze, horrified to have to admit this, to say the words out loud, but knowing it's the only way. "It's like I'm obsessed with Roman." I glance at him briefly, seeing him blanch slightly but grateful for his efforts to contain it. "I'm totally and completely fixated on him. He's all I think about. All I dream about. And no matter what I do, I can't seem to stop it."
He nods, head bobbing slightly, as though in deep contemplation. Like he's flipping through his mental spellreversing book, searching for just the right cure. "This is a tough one, Ever." He takes a deep breath and levels his gaze right on mine. "It's-complicated."
I nod, hands clasped in my lap, already painfully aware of that.
"Binding spells-" He rubs his cast against his chin. "Well, they can't always be undone."
I lean forward, striving for calm, striving to speak past my agitated breath. "But-I thought everything can be undone-you just have to work the right spell at the right time-right?"
His shoulders rise and fall in a move so final it makes my stomach dip, his gaze on mine as he says, "Sorry, I'm just telling you what I've learned through my years of studying and practicing these things. But you've got The Book, you've got this supposed code that gets past the code-so, you tell me."
I sigh, leaning back in my seat, fingers picking at the hem of my dress. "The Book's not much help. I mean, I pretty much did exactly what Romy and Rayne said-used most all the same elements-and-" He looks at me. "The exact same elements?"
"Well, yeah." I shrug. "For the most part. I mean, in order to reverse a spell-you need to repeat the same steps as before-it says so right in the book and Romy and Rayne confirmed it."
He nods. Doesn't say a word, just nods. But his attempt at restraint rings loud and clear.
"So I can't imagine what made it go wrong. I mean, at first I thought I'd nailed it, but then it-it completely got away from me and started reversing itself all over again, repeating the same sequence of events as before."
"Ever, I know you repeated the steps, but did you also repeat the same tools? The same herbs, crystals, and whatever else you might've used?"