When she opened her eyes, the compact revealed that this carefully guarded professional secret had once again saved the day. She looked flawless. Professional. Perfect.
And why not? she thought to herself, as she stepped off the elevator. I am Cheeta Ching, the most famous Korean woman on the planet. If that isn't perfection, what is?
Remo Williams was saying, "I'm a campaign aide, not a freaking maid."
Chiun rushed about the room, straightening cushions and blowing dust off the window drapes, squeaking, "Hurry, Remo! She is coming. Cheeta is coming!"
Remo stood his ground. "No. You broke the glass door, you pick up the shards."
"I will grant you anything you desire!" Chiun pleaded.
"Peace of mind," Remo said instantly. "And a boon to be named later."
"Done!" Chiun crowed. "Now hurry! The great moment is about to arrive!"
Grinning, Remo found a corn broom and swept the door glass out of sight. He hid the bullet-shattered lamp and piled the unconscious Esperanza bodyguards in a back room.
He returned to the living room just in time to hear the elevator doors roll open.
Chiun, his eyes wide, swept in on Remo, saying, "Back! She must not see you!"
"Why not? I'm part of the team."
Chiun raised a warning finger. "Remember Emperor Smith's admonition. Your face must not be seen."
"Oh, yeah," Remo said. Smith was still upset because Remo's original face-the one he had worn in his former life as a Newark patrolman-had inadvertently been restored through plastic surgery. He retreated to the back room and listened.
The sound of Cheeta Ching entering the room was unmistakable. Her high heels sounded as if she were using them to drive railroad spikes.
Chiun's voice came then-the low, grave tone he affected on important occassions, completely the opposite of his usual high, squeaky one.
"I am Chiun."
"Great," Cheeta said. "You're just the person I need."
"Of course," Chiun replied. "How could it be otherwise?"
"Here. Take this."
"What is this?" came Chiun's voice, taken aback.
"It's a minicam. It's very simple to operate."
"Why would I wish to operate such a contraption?" Chiun asked, his tone injured.
"Because I left my cameraman down in the lobby and I need my hands free for the interview," replied Cheeta Ching, as if explaining why the sky is blue.
There was a pause. Remo, who was not ordinarily gifted with second sight, knew exactly what was coming next.
"Remo!"
"You rang?" Remo said, grinning as he stepped out into the living room.
The Master of Sinanju gestured carelessly in Remo's direction. "This is Remo, my lackey. Instruct him, and he will obey your every whim."
Remo looked at Cheeta Ching. Cheeta Ching looked at Remo. Cheeta's almond eyes widened in twin explosions. Her too-red vampire lips softened. Her whole face softened. It seemed to be melting. Like a butterscotch sundae. A patch of pancake base cracked loose from her chin and fell to the rug.
"Romeo," she said in a breathy voice.
"Remo," Remo corrected.
"You could change your name," Cheeta cooed. "For me."
"I'm outta here," Remo said, retreating as if from Typhoid Mary.
"Wait!" Cheeta called out. "Don't go!"
The Master of Sinanju, his expression stricken, said, "Go, Remo. You are no longer needed."
It was too late. Cheeta got between Remo and the door. She put her back to the door and threw out her chest. There wasn't much to throw out, but Remo got the message. So did Chiun.
"Remo!" he said hotly.
"This isn't my idea," Remo protested.
Cheeta Ching took Remo by the arm. Her nails dug in experimentally, as if testing his muscles. "Come with me," she said warmly. "I'll show you how to operate the camera. I bet you'll be wonderful at it. Perhaps you might like to become my personal cameraman. The last one had terrible reflexes."
"He will not!" Chiun blazed.
Cheeta said, "Hush, grandpa. And tell Esperanza that Cheeta Ching is ready for him."
The Master of Sinanju stood as if quick-frozen. His hands became fists and his cheeks became red. They puffed out in exasperation.
"Remo!" he hissed. "Do something!"
Remo asked Cheeta Ching, "Aren't you married?"
"Oh, him. You've probably heard about our little problem. I've been trying to get preggers for ages."
"I am much more virile than that round-eyed, bignosed, ape-footed clod!" Chiun shouted.
"Anybody would be," Cheeta said dryly, not taking her dark eyes off Remo Williams. "He's a gynecologist. Takes a lot to start his engine."
"I'd better get Ricky," Harmon Cashman said uneasily. "He's on the phone."
"Yes, you had better," Chiun said bitterly, his hazel eyes boring into Remo.