"Really?" Remo asked.
"Yes. It is unbelievable, but true. For these were the days when Korea was a vassal of Japan." Chiun frowned at the memory. "As I walked among these Koreans-who-were-not, I marveled at the women I encountered along the way. They, too, looked unlike Sinanju women. For they wore fine clothes and painted their faces and lips in most unusual and artful ways. I had not gone very far when it came to me that this Pyongyang would be a pleasant place to spend my days." Chiun bowed his bald head sadly.
"No!" Remo said, voice mock-serious.
"Yes," Chiun admitted.
Remo grinned. "Well, you know what they say: 'Can't keep 'em down on the farm once they've seen gay Pyongyang.' "
Chiun's stern face wrinkled. "I do not understand."
"Never mind. What happened next?"
"I came upon a painted-faced maiden who caught my fancy."
"This isn't going to be one of those unrequited love things, is it?" Remo asked. "Because if it is, I'd just as soon throw myself into the arms of Cheeta Ching and end the misery right now."
"It is nothing of the kind," Chiun sniffed. "Of course, it was love at first sight."
Remo suppressed a smile. "Of course." "The maiden, beholding my manly splendor, was instantly smitten with Chiun the Younger, which is what I was called in those long-ago days."
"Chiun the Younger?"
"Not that I am now old," Chiun said hastily.
"Course not."
"As I was saying, this maiden, whose name was Ch'amnari, was smitten with the young man that I was. She employed all manner of enticements and other blandishments to lure me into her womanly snares, but I kept the warning of my father, Chiun the Elder, in mind, and passed her by."
"Junks in the night," Remo said with a sober face.
"That night, this maiden haunted my sleep. Her painted face swam before my dream-eye, and troubled my slumber deeply. Remo, it was true love."
"Sounds like hormones to me."
"Philistine!"
"Okay, okay, it was love. Let's cut to the chase. Did you bed her, or what?"
The Master of Sinanju's tiny face stiffened. His hands, nails touching, separated and found concealment in the closing sleeves of his elaborate kimono.
"I refuse to say." "You didn't."
"I did!" Chiun snapped.
"Okay, you did. You obviously practiced safe sex, too. So what happened then?"
Chiun looked off toward the mountains. "When I awoke, Remo, she was gone."
"So much for true love."
"And with her had gone my meager allotment of gold coins, which I had carried in a purse at my waist."
"Ah-ha, I'll bet you jingled when you walked, and it was your jingle, not your jangle, that gave her the hots for you."
"It was my splendid strong body!" Chiun flared. "Keep it down," Remo cautioned, looking over his shoulder. "We don't want Cheeta climbing the building with a mike clenched in her teeth."
"Speak for yourself," Chiun sniffed. Then, his voice going low, he added, "For you see, Cheeta is the image of the maiden I have told you about, Remo."
"You fell for her? Ch'amnari, I mean."
Chiun nodded. "Even though she was a thief. For you see, she had what was called in the village a 'city face' fine-featured and delicate. The women of Sinanju are country-faced. The woman I later married was country-faced. Yet I never forgot the city-faced Ch'amnari, and our rapturous night together."
"That good, huh?"
"She was lavish in her compliments," Chiun added crisply.
"Ever get your money back?"
"Yes. With interest."
"Interest?"
"I searched Pyongyang for this Ch'amnari, eventually finding her in the company of a Japanese colonel. Ito. An oppressor."
"Uh-oh . . ."
"He sneered at me. Called me a barbarian. And when I demanded justice, he told me to be gone."
"So you wasted him?" Remo said.
"I laid his yapping head at the feet of Ch'amnari, who with trembling hands surrendered my purse of gold coins, and others beside. Then I gave her the coldness of my retreating back and never saw her again. Although I have carried her beauteous image within me down to this very day. I returned to my village a sadder man, Remo. When my father saw the expression on my face, he said nothing. But I could see in his eyes that he knew I had learned the hard lesson he had hoped I would come to understand."
"You're serious about this? You really want that barracu- Cheeta?"
Chiun shrugged carelessly. "Her beauty pleases me. She is worthy to bear the child my country-faced wife never bestowed upon me-and the male heir you have yet to produce."
"Ah-ha!" Remo said, holding his arms stubbornly. "Now the real stuff comes out. Correct me if I'm wrong, Little Father, but quite a few years ago you got zapped by microwaves. You said you'd been sterilized."
"That was, as you say, years ago," Chiun said, with a dismissive flap of a kimono sleeve. "It may be that my inner essence has come to life again."
"You saying you're horny?" Remo demanded.
Chiun whirled, his eyes cold fire. "Pale piece of pig's ear! I am speaking of possibilities. Cheeta and Chiun. Chiun and Cheeta. And the offspring that may blossom from our perfect union."
Remo shook his head slowly. "I don't know, Little Father. I just can't see it."