A hot wind seeps into the cave system at dusk, finding its way through faults in the rock and up the slanting chimneys that climb toward the cliff tops above. For all its heat, the wind is a blessing. Our caves are beginning to stink of closeted ferox, dung, and too many beasts scrabbling a living in too small a space.
As the temperatures rise the males claim their own areas, only returning to the females for sex.
I find a small cave of my own. Since none of the adults disputes this, and most have become friendly since I first arrived at their camp dragging the skull of a long-dead chief, my landgrab is obviously acceptable. After all, I live in the warren and I eat what they eat, which some weeks is precious little…
There was a boy, they tell me, a man, and an older woman. All found wandering in the desert. Ferocious, almost as fierce as the ferox, Anna is what’s left. The others are gone, but no one seems willing to tell me where.
Anna=Human, they say. Human=Anna.
I think it’s a statement. After a while I realize it’s a question.
Looking into the girl’s eyes shows me nothing. I believe she is feral, a human like me, but run wild or maybe just wilder. Now I’m beginning to wonder if we’re even the same species. Strange things happened in the very early days of colonization, when people were still being changed to match planets, rather than planets being changed to match people.
Still, I feed scraps to the wild girl, who grows friendlier and begins to curl herself around me whenever I appear.
What happens next is inevitable.
One morning Anna arrives early, a dead lizard in her hand. She’s obviously really pleased with herself, understandably enough. She smiles when I say her name. It might be my tone of voice, although I pretend to myself that it isn’t. She looks up, and she smiles.
My own smile ignites a grin on her face.
We eat the lizard together, sucking it down to bones and mangled shreds of silver skin, and then I say, “Let’s clean you up.”
She keeps smiling and I keep talking, my voice low and soothing as I cut her hair with my laser blade, leaving her standing in a tangle of filthy curls. Her underarm hair goes the same way. A sweep of blade above her skin and an acrid smell of burning keratin and it’s done.
We are not ferox.
Only, some days, it seems we are.
In the deepest recesses of the cave system I show Anna a stream that slides down a gray wall and fills a pool that looks almost as old as this planet. I’ve been coming here for weeks, cooling myself against the wind and washing away the worst of the cave system’s stink.
“Come on,” I say.
She screams at the shock of the water, but not seriously, and anyway I’m in there first and it isn’t really that cold. After washing away my own filth, I attack what looks like a lifetime’s dirt on the girl in front of me. Her skin is pink, unquestionably paler than mine is.
When I splash the girl to rinse her, she splashes back. We laugh, fight in a lazy fashion, and then I scrub grit from her scalp. Most of the dirt in her hair is too ingrained to come free, but by then Anna’s probably cleaner than she’s ever been, and finishing the job is the last thing on my mind.
From the speed with which Anna grapples me, one of her knees still dragging in the water of the pool, she must have been wondering what took me so long.
Most people who talk about animal sex haven’t tried it; or if they have, they’re probably locked up where they belong. This is different. Anna looks human but behaves like an animal, and right up to the point where she sinks her teeth into my neck and rides herself to real screams, I’m uncertain which she really is.
So loud are her shouts as they echo off the cave walls that I expect Youngster to appear, anxious to discover the cause of the fuss. Only he probably already knows, because the ferox are open about sex, which is entirely hierarchical for them and mostly to do with power and prestige.
I’m talking about the males, obviously. I doubt if anyone asks the tribe’s females for their preferences. Anna and I rut endlessly over the next few weeks and keep rutting as the cave system grows hotter and food becomes ever rarer.
The ferox grow sluggish and bad-tempered. A young bull is killed. Youngster says it was a challenge fight to an elder, but everybody knows the battle was about food. I gut any prey the hunt finds, using my laser blade to hack fresh kills into crude joints. No one worries about cuts of meat; they just want food quickly.
As the heat rises, the food situation gets worse. The chief takes most, the females eat scraps, and the pups grub in the dirt for insects. I should have seen what was coming, we both should…
Come now.
“Me?” I ask, surprised.
Youngster nods.
When he tells me I’m needed on a hunting trip, I’m more than puzzled. For a start, I’m slower than he is and less able to move silently, and I’m already weak with the bubble shits; but five groups are going out that evening, and if Youngster wants me to hunt with him, then hunt with him I will.
We eat well that night. And it’s only later, with my hands full of scraps for Anna, that I realize she’s gone. The others are restless around me, unwilling to help me find her, so I track down Youngster.
“Where is Anna?” I demand, already fearing his answer.
Gone, he says.
“Where?”
It is a fairly stupid conversation.
We ate, he says. You ate. Now she is gone. If the hunting does not improve, we begin to eat the pups.
I land only one punch before his backhand throws me against a cave wall. When I roll to my feet with the laser blade in my hand, two other ferox are standing beside him.
Challenge? asks one.
“No challenge,” I reply.
The ferox avoid me after that. They watch from the corner of their eyes, tensing as I turn corners in a tunnel to meet them. I’ve gone from being a member of the tribe to being a problem. I can smell hesitation on their fur, a restrained fury that sees them turn away from me.
My anger is more open, less wise.
The pool where we first bathed is almost gone, but I use what water is left to wash out my mouth, then take grit and scrub the fingers that picked crudely roasted chunks of flesh from that evening’s cooking fire. And I sleep curled around a dark void that is my anger, until someone shakes me awake in the early hours of the morning. It is the youngster, the mixture of scents rolling off him too complicated for me to translate.
He picks me up. Human? he asks.
Behind him, ferox shuffle in a passageway.
“Not human,” I reply.
The youngster allows himself to look doubtful and my guts churn, not from what I have eaten but from what may come next. His paw is holding my face, and a yellow sickle of claw is visible at the edge of my sight, ragged with use.
We talk later, he says.
I nod.
A hundred miles beyond the frontier, trapped in an underground cave system with ferox, in the middle of a summer so hot that the water in the deepest cave pool will eventually be reduced to dampness and nothing…I am in the wrong place, at the wrong time, and that has to be the history of my twenty-eight years to date.
I sleep alone, I eat alone.
In so doing I reduce my food intake to scraps and sacrifice the company others might bring me. It is the only way to keep my anger in check.
The laser blade stays in my pocket.
Pups who once regarded me as an object of interest start to bristle if I come near, as if what is thought by their elders filters down. Still-soft armor strains to flex, heads are raised, and half-grown fangs are bared, so I nod and smile and begin to count the days until high summer comes to an end, because this heat can’t last much longer.
After all, how long can it take some scuzzy little planet to negotiate the shallow bend of its solar orbit?