"Lordy, I've been hit. God da-yam!" he howled, clutching himself.
"Relax. It's just us," said a voice that sounded vaguely familiar.
Still holding his numb shoulder, Melvis turned. His eyes squinted up. "You fellas again. Next time don't come sneakin' up on a man like that. Was sure a block of rail bit me. What'd you use to get my attention anyway? Crowbar?"
Remo Renwick wriggled his index finger. The old Korean named Chiun stood beside him, face unreadable.
"You must bench-press lead sinkers with that thing, then. Hey, you forget to fetch me that old tanaka sword?"
"Sorry. It's still being looked at."
"Had to leave it out of my report, you know."
"You leave a lot of things out of your reports, don't you, Melvis?" Remo said.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Oklahoma City. Remember it?"
"Yeah. A damn mess. All those dead folks and twisted-up cars. Sure hope they hang the horse-thievin' dastard what blew up that building."
"I mean the derailment last summer. Cattle train."
"Oh, that one. A Santa Fe. Warbonnet, too. Damn shame. They're threatenin' to get rid of the warbonnet color scheme now that the Santa Fe has merged with Burlington Northern."
"You blamed the engineer."
"Man was on drugs. Why won't these freight hoggers ever learn?"
"They found his head in a tree."
"Hey! How'd you know that? It wasn't in the official report."
Chiun spoke up. "We know many things that we should not. It will go better for you if you tell us all you know."
Melvis hesitated. "What do y'all want to know?"
"What really derailed that train?" asked Remo.
"Impossible to tell for sure. That's why I put down dope. When in doubt, the engineer was high as a kite or strung out. Covers a multitude of sins. Also NTSB expects a nice neat and tidy answer for the final report. Trouble is when a train hits the bumpers it leaves such a dang mess you can't hardly tell a push-pull consist from a cow-and-calf set after the dust is all done settlin'. "
The two looked blank.
"Tell us about the engineer," Remo asked just as a section of rail snapped behind them.
They looked back. The track gang was okay. Nobody hurt.
"Man's head was sheared off as sweet as honeysuckle," Melvis replied. "By that, I mean it might have been chopped by a guillotine. 'Cept for the conspicuous lack of a blade."
"Flying glass?"
Melvis nodded. "Plenty of it. But I don't think that's what got him."
"Then what did?"
"I couldn't tell back then. But now that you bring it up, a sword like what you boys pulled outta that big block coulda done it."
The two exchanged hard looks.
"How'd the head get up the tree?"
"That's the part that had me plumb bumfoozled back then. The head couldn't have been ejected by the derailment. But as you boys surely know, toss a basketball out a window and it'll describe a downward arc. This head was stuck way high up that tree. Can't see how traumatic ejection would account for it. Someone had to have hung it up there."
The two looked at each other again.
"But I put down dope because, like I said, it covers a passel of sins. Not to mention inexplicables."
Chiun eyed him coldly. "There is more. I can see it in your beady eyes."
"You're right sharp, you are. I left out one little item."
"What's that?"
"The poor engineer was decapitated-"
"Beheaded," said Chiun.
"-a few miles back of where his head was actually found. In other words, I think someone was in the cab with him, lopped his pumpkin right off, causin' that terrible wreck. She was goin' mighty fast on the turn where she wiped out."
"Someone got in the cabin, cut off his head but managed to jump clear after the derailment?" asked Remo. "That's what you think really happened?"
"And tossed the head into the tree for reasons known only to the Almighty and the lunatic what done it. Now maybe you can see why I wasn't about to write that whopper up. It ain't natural, not to mention sensible. The NTSB abhors such things."
"What's your read on this mess?" Remo asked, indicating the rerailed train, whose cars stood dented and muddy on a good section of rail.
"This? Now, this one is textbook. Piece of heavy equipment on the rail. Engineer couldn't have seen it in time to stop. Smashup with cars in the water. Happens all the time."
"That so?"
"You can't say different."
"Come with me," said Chiun, beckoning.
Reluctantly Melvis followed them past the track gang.
"I sure hope you boys aren't about to upset my little red wagon. I've been pullin' her a long old time and I hope to pull her a lot longer before I go for my gold watch and that last lonesome terminal."