After the world ended for the third time, only a handful of corporations around the globe remained functioning in any useful capacity. Realizing just how precarious the continued existence of capitalism was, these stalwart companies banded together to pioneer the creation of a limited artificial intelligence and quickly produced a robotic workforce of startling efficiency.
With this automated army in tow, the corporations were able to pick up the pieces of a shattered society and rebuild a better world, one free from strife, economic turmoil, and workmen’s compensation claims. The rapid assimilation of smaller companies and the altogether astounding profit margins were simply a side effect of the corporations’ unceasing hope and compassion for humankind.
“Looks like there’s a rest stop up ahead,” said Chester A. Arthur XVII.
“Please tell me there’s a coffee place,” replied Queen Victoria XXX.
“They’ve got a Starbucks.”
“Damn it.”
After the world ended for the fourth time, the United States government decided it was no longer able to sustain itself and, following China’s example, auctioned itself off in lots. Canada purchased the majority share, while Starbucks and Walmart, the two largest corporations on the planet, vied for the remainder.
The resulting bidding war turned literal, destroying the cities of Seattle and Atlanta, as well as indie rock, rednecks, Santa Claus, magicians, and the internet.
“At least they’ve got free Wi-Fi out here. You can check in with Billy.”
The internet eventually recovered.
“But it’s a fucking Starbucks!”
So did the rednecks.
“Come on, Vicky, they’re not all run by inbred, homicidal atomic mutants.”
Well, ideologically, anyway.
“You don’t know that.”
“Fine,” relented Chester A. Arthur XVII. “Bring the shotgun.”