Quetzalcoatl, after cracking his skull against an exposed beam and summarily regaining the full use of his cognitive abilities—as well as his absolute animosity toward a world in which he was not a god—had decided to give up on the cabal of philosophers and strike out on his own.
The philosophers, however, were of a different opinion.
Apparently one cannot just stop being a savior.
“Though the world appears doomed, and destined to fall…”
At first, the poets and thinkers and whatever else simply followed Quetzalcoatl around. Which was fine. Once Quetzalcoatl started running, though, they, too, stepped up the pace, repeatedly getting in his way in a desperate attempt to stop him from fleeing. Which was less fine.
“… and our future looks dark and grim…”
After the former Aztec god started flailing and punching and throwing rocks, the cavalcade of coffee snobs decided it would be best to tie him up.
Once he broke loose from his restraints, they opted to chain him to a pipe.
“I mean, seriously, fuckin’ bleak. At best.”
Realizing the constant escalation could only end poorly, Quetzalcoatl relented and decided to be their Messiah after all. If, for nothing else, than because the pipe to which he was chained was full of steam and very, very hot.
“Though each morning is less and less welcome, and the days are more and more difficult…”
Eventually, Quetzalcoatl realized that having an army of philosophers and dope fiends at his disposal wasn’t as useless as he had originally thought. A steady diet of sushi and pretension had imbued each with the strength of almost two monkeys.
“Though that uphill struggle constantly seems even more… up…hill…ier…”
And, given that they kept over-analyzing everything he said until they heard what they wanted anyway, Quetzalcoatl didn’t even need to stay sober to lead them.
“Always remember that, as hopeless and awful and terrible and suicidal as life may be…”
He pulled a meaning of life out of his cereal one morning and, much like Phil, Bill, Will, and Syl had anticipated, the sheer vagueness and sugar frosting of the statement caused them all to fall in line.
“Tomorrow could bring free donuts.”
It was like being a god all over again.