“What the fuck is the new guy doing?” asked Thor.
“It looks like he’s taking a nap,” replied Catrina.
“But he’s a robot.”
“Yeah.”
“Robots don’t sleep.”
“Yeah.”
“Why is he sleeping then?”
“I don’t know.”
“You think we should wake him?”
“Well, given that he’s got a circular saw in his chest and the last guy that surprised him was the late, great pillow fetishist, I’d advise against it. Also—and this is important, Thor—why? There is no conceivable reason to wake him. We haven’t had a guest since he killed that guy.”
“Yeah, I know, but I want to know why he’s asleep.”
“That’s pretty dumb.”
“He’s a robot. Robots don’t sleep. And yet this one is asleep, snoring even. I want to know why.”
“So ask him when he’s awake.”
“What if he doesn’t wake up? What if he’s in some kind of robot coma? What if by waking him up I’m saving his life?”
“My money’s on that being even more unlikely than a robot napping in the first place.”
“I’m gonna do it.”
“You’re gonna get a saw through your chest.”
“You worry too much.”
“You’re an idiot too much.”
“Here goes.”
Thor approached the robot sprawled across the lobby’s couch. He was debating between tapping the robot’s shoulder and simply yelling in its face. Catrina, for her part, decided it would be wise to retrieve the first aid kit from the break room, as Thor was about to become grievously injured.
“Why are you sleeping?!” shouted Thor, as mightily as his human lungs would allow.
Catrina wasn’t exactly sure what happened next—as she was safely beyond the robot’s assault perimeter when its defense mechanisms were triggered—but it sounded awfully similar to a jet of flame, an agonized cry of “By Odin’s beard,” followed immediately by an equally as agonized cry of “fuckin’ shit, my eyes,” then something soft, fleshy, and angry punching something confused and made entirely of steel, and, finally, something made of steel being thrown through something made of glass.
Catrina was going to offer her sympathies to Thor by yelling “I told you so” into the lobby, but she found she was laughing far too much to speak.