“Well, well,” said the one-armed, undead cowboy, approaching the prostrated duo, “if it isn’t President Chester A. Arthur his own self.”
“I haven’t been president in over a hundred years, pal, and, in point of fact, I’ve,” he explained, gesticulating to indicate his body, “never actually been president.”
“You know,” replied the zombie, pulling a revolver from behind his back, “I don’t rightly care.”
“Oh, come on, man.”
“Sucks to be you,” contributed Queen Victoria XXX, laughing at her companion and beginning to lift herself from the ground.
“Oh, no, my dear, sweet Empress Victoria,” said the Indian woman, stepping closer and revealing a large knife, forcing Queen Victoria XXX back to the ground, “you’re not getting off that easy.”
“For fuck’s sake, lady. Seriously?”
“Now see here, mister President,” continued the decomposing cowboy, “I had a good thing going, bringing in the Chinese and puttin’ ‘em to work on the lines a’fore they knew better. Then you, you had to go and outlaw Chinese immigrations and dry up all my profits.”
“That wasn’t me, you fucking half-wit,” countered Chester A. Arthur XVII.
“An’ this ain’t me,” replied the zombie, grabbing the stitching of his garishly embroidered vest. “Among numerous other things, I wouldn’ta been caught dead in this ridiculous outfit. It’s fuckin’ embarrassing, not ta mention uncomfortable.”
“You do kind of have a stripper vibe going on with that,” added Queen Victoria XXX.
“I know, right?” he said. “I feel bad fer the poor bastard that died in this get-up.” The cowboy shrugged. “But that’s just the shape a’ the world now, I ‘spose. I ain’t me and you ain’t you and things ain’t even close to how they was… but I’m gon’ kill you all the same.”
“And I…” said the sari-clad corpse, addressing Queen Victoria XXX.
“Yeah, I get it,” said Queen Victoria XXX. “Queen of England, colony in India, lots of shit went down, not me, you don’t care.”
“Oh, well, yes.”
“Glad we cleared that up.”
“Seriously, though,” added the queen, “all this time and you’re still pissed? How uneventful were the rest of your lives?”
“Pretty boring,” said the cowboy.
“Oh, god, you have no idea,” said the Indian.