Thor laid himself down on the couch in the lobby of the Holiday Inn.
“When did we repaint the ceiling with bats?”
“OK, I’m pretty sure eating broken glass doesn’t make you hallucinate,” said Catrina, kneeling next to him. “What the hell is wrong with you, Thor?”
“He was poisoned,” said Mark, emerging from his office. “He’s got a mix of PCP and battery acid coursing through his veins.”
“Dude,” said Thor, lifting his head slightly, “I told you not to x-ray me without asking. It’s weird and, as my boss, I’m pretty sure I signed something saying you’re not allowed to do it anyway.”
“You think my eye can detect poison? It’s an ocular implant, not magic, jackass,” replied Mark, walking toward them. “I was a medic in the war. I saw this kind of thing all the time.”
“The Hybrid War?” asked Catrina. “I thought all the cyborgs that fought in that were turned into calculators and belts.”
“Robot War.”
“Which one? There were, like, seven.”
“Oh, right,” said Mark. He began counting on his fingers and said, “The… fifth.”
“You sure? I thought the hybrids sat that one out.”
“They did,” he replied, arriving at the couch and kneeling next to Catrina. “I was still human then.”
“Oh,” said Catrina. “Sorry.”
“You should be. I’m not one of those Mark I cyborgs that volunteered to have their skin grafted onto a robotic skeleton ‘cause they were too chicken-shit to keep fighting. I’m a good, old-fashioned human, forcibly joined with an x-ray eye and a pneumatic penis because I was too stupid to stop fighting.”
“Not the damn penis again…” said Thor, writhing on the couch.
“What? I’m proud of it, Thor. I can lift a god damned Volkswagen.”
“Christ, Mark, now I’m picturing it. And there’s a midget watching you for some reason.”
“That… that sounds all kinds of unpleasant,” said Catrina.
“It is, Catrina. It is! But I can’t stop! There’re two midgets now and they’re… they’re dancing!”
“Wow, OK,” she said. “I was actually talking to Mark.”
“It’s not so bad,” said Mark. “You get used to it, really. And besides, now I can sex up a vending machine if I get bored.”
“What? Vending…? Is that why there’s a hole…” Catrina trailed off. “Oh god.”
“Yeah…” said Mark. “Don’t use the vending machine on this floor if you can help it.”
“I don’t really feel so bad about disliking you anymore.”
“I call her Sheila.”