“Well, its just technology that fascinates me,” Ezra allowed, then rested his eyes on me. “I mean, I can watch an elephant paint live on the internet. That sounds like nothing to you, but when I was a younger man, it would’ve taken months for someone just to tell me the story of it. By the time I’d get around to hear it, it would’ve mutated a hundred times, and the poor animal would’ve been dead for twenty years. I don’t know what you think about me, but this right here - this is magic.”
“You’ll never cease to amaze me, darling.” Mae looked at him with completely adoration. It made me feel uncomfortable just witnessing it, like I was spying on some private moment.
“I should hope not,” Ezra smiled back at her. She left my side and walked over to him, giving him a small but passionate kiss on the lips.
“I never will,” she promised, then turned and started heading out of the room. “Well, I’m sure you two have a lot to talk about.” Before shutting the door behind her, she waggled her fingers at us and then disappeared.
“Mae’s never been one for subtlety,” Ezra sighed, staring back the closed door. I stood awkwardly in front of the desk, waiting for him to tell me what we had to talk about. My heart was racing, certain it was going to be some terrible news. Every time Ezra talked to me, it was bad news. “Go ahead. Have a seat.”
“Okay?” I looked at him questioningly and carefully sat down on the sofa behind me. “There’s something you have to tell me.”
“It’s not something I need to tell you so much as a conversation we need to have.” Ezra moved his chair over slightly, so he wasn’t hiding behind the computer anymore. He leaned back and tried to look relaxed, but he was hesitant to meet my eyes.
“I think you’re splitting hairs.” For some reason, I had been very tempted to follow that up with
“with all due respect, sir.” Something about the den made him seem even more imposing and patriarchal.
“You’re right.” He exhaled deeply, smiling grimly at me. “Your brother’s turning was quite unexpected.”
“For both of us,” I agreed. “For everyone, really.”
“In the end, I don’t think it’s a bad decision.” He was looking at a spot on the Oriental rug on the floor, thinking of something. “Once everything is sorted out, I think he’ll be a very good fit for the family. And I think it’ll be a wonderful opportunity for you, so you don’t have to split from him. I know how important he is to you.”
“Yes, he is,” I swallowed hard. The ball was going to drop any minute. I could feel it.
“As you’re finding out, new vampires require a lot of time and energy,” Ezra went on. “All of us have spent hours with him, helping him transition as easily as possible. Jack, in particular, has been teaching him, since Milo feels so heavily bonded to him. But the bond itself is nothing to concern yourself with. It will ease with time. It’s just something that’s required in the beginning, much like a baby is bonded with a mother. He couldn’t survive on his own, so he feels compelled to be around Jack.”
“Oh.” That was all I could think to say to that. It made sense, but it wasn’t really new information to me.
“We had a plan for you to turn when you felt that Milo was ready.” He licked his lips, and my heart thudded painfully. “With all that’s been happening, I’m sure you think that Milo will be ready much sooner than you expected. But his turning has changed your plan.”
“What do you mean?” Some part of me was hoping he meant that they had bumped up my plan.
This was how he was going to invite me to turn. But the rest of me knew better.
“Milo needs too much right now, and you’d need just as much if you were to turn,” Ezra explained, his eyes finally looking sadly on mine. “It would be impractical and unfair to both of you to have two very young, very new vampires in the house. On top of that, Jack isn’t that old himself and really wouldn’t be up for the responsibility of siring you both into this. It’s unwise to have so many young vampires in one house.”
“Oh.” It was sinking in what he was saying, but I couldn’t think enough to argue against it. I just swallowed hard and stared vacantly in front of me.
“It’s only temporary, though,” Ezra added quickly. “It’s just that we’re postponing things. Well, actually, we’re probably sticking closer to the original time frame, but after Milo turned, I’m sure your expectations changed.”
“They kind of did,” I said quietly. There was nothing left for me in my old life anymore, and I only wanted to turn and move back into this house, and he was telling me that I couldn’t. “Wait. The original timeline? You mean… you mean like one or two more years?”
“You can finish out high school this way,” Ezra offered, like that was something that really mattered to me.
“I don’t care about high school!” I snapped.
“I know,” Ezra sighed. “But I’m trying look at this positively.”
“How is any of this positive?” I heard myself whining, and I hated myself for it.
“I don’t know,” Ezra admitted tiredly.
“Why does this just keep getting harder and harder?” Tears were brimming in my eyes, but I didn’t even fight them off. He knew this would upset me, which is why he’d told me alone in a room with door shut. He didn’t want my reaction to effect Jack and Milo, like we both knew it would.
“I don’t know.” He got up and came over to sit next to me on the couch. Gently, he put his hand on my back, trying to comfort me. “I am sorry this is so hard for you, Alice. I truly am. But I don’t know what else to do. In the meantime, you can still hang out here as much as you want.”
“Yeah, right,” I sniffled. “Like Milo could handle that right now. Or like Peter could, if he ever decides to come back.”
“Milo will settle down soon, enough where you can be around as much as you’d like,” Ezra assured me, but I noticed that he made no mention of Peter.
“Can I ask you something?” I looked at him directly. “Do you think… I’m ever going to be able turn? I mean, is it ever really going to make sense for me? Or would I just be better off getting on with my life and pretending that I never met any of you?”
“I can’t answer that for you, Alice.” His deep voice sounded saddened by my question. “I’ve always told you that regardless of how we feel, you need to do what’s best for you. And if you don’t think that’s this life, then it isn’t.”
“Like I have any idea what’s best for me!” I cried. Folding my arms on my knees, I buried my face in them. It just felt embarrassing to have Ezra see me cry like that.
“I think you do.” Ezra’s hand felt strong and safe as he gently rubbed my back.
After a good minute of solid crying, I decided that was enough and lifted up my head. I wiped at my damp cheeks, pushing strands of hair of my face and tried to collect myself. I exhaled deeply, trying to remind myself that even this was not the end of the world. It was just a postponement.
“Do they know?” I asked tiredly.
“Jack started getting on me about you turning last night, but I was evasive,” Ezra answered. “No, I haven’t told them that you’re going to have to hold off. I think they’re both thinking it’s going to be a matter of weeks.”
“Well, everything is a matter of weeks when you really think about it,” I said dully, and Ezra laughed lightly. “Are you going to tell them?”
“We can work this however you want. You can tell them if you want, or I can, or we can. We can do it now, or next week, or next month. Whatever you’re comfortable with.” He brushed a strand of his hair off of his forehead and looked out the window. “I know neither of them will take it well.”
“Not tonight.” That was the only decision I could come up with. It seemed like far too much watching Jack get sad and angry over this. Feeling it myself was enough without having to feel it for him too.
“That’s understandable,” Ezra said, dropping his hand to his side.
“So I probably need to get myself in order before I go back out there, or they’ll know something’s up.” I started to smooth out my hair when I thought of something. “How come Mae was so cheerful when she brought me in here?”
“She’s happy to see you, and she didn’t want to alert the boys,” Ezra shrugged.
“Oh.” I sniffled again and tried to wipe smeared make up out from under my eyes.
“You know what would cheer you up?” Ezra asked, getting to his feet. “Watching an elephant paint. It’s really much more entertaining than it sounds.”
“Okay,” I laughed a little and got up.
After Ezra showed me that video, he gave me a brief tour of his den, explaining some of his favorite books and the painting on the wall. He’d actually lived in Amsterdam shortly after Rembrandt died, so that had always held some significance to him. When I finally looked like my normal self, we headed out in the living room to see what everyone else was up to.
For most of the night, Jack and Milo played video games, but nobody really complained. I felt rather sad and lonely, and while I did my best to mask it, Mae noticed and let me curl up with her on the couch. The time passed much quicker then I wanted it to, and before I knew it, the sun was rising and Jack was giving me a ride home. Fortunately, by then, I was so tired I was almost falling asleep. If I had been awake enough to talk, he probably would’ve noticed something was up, and I really didn’t want to talk about it. I didn’t even want to think about it.