"I talked to the local coroner. One of the few sane people I've come across out here. He can't make any sense of it, either."
"Then you've learned nothing?"
"No." Remo was looking at the TV and said, "Hold the phone." He grabbed the remote and brought up the sound.
"What is it, Remo?"
"CNN just flashed Thrush Limburger's fat face."
"Thrush Limburger," the newscaster was saying, "had no sooner pulled into Nirvana West when it was discovered that the popular radio and TV personality was no longer on board his broadcast van. When questioned, his driver and personal assistant, Cody Custer, claimed that Limburger had been abducted en route by members of the California Highway Patrol."
"Oh, sure," Remo said skeptically.
"That may explain the static," Smith mused.
"Publicity stunt," said Remo.
"Perhaps not," Smith said thoughtfully. "Remo, I was listening to the Limburger show when you called. He claimed he was about to crack this thing wide open."
"He also got the last presidential election dead wrong," Remo said sourly.
The newscast continued. A clip of Senator Ned Clancy was thrown up on the screen. The newscaster was saying, "Shortly after the alleged disappearance of Thrush Limburger, Senator Ned J. Clancy of Massachusetts announced that he would sponsor a bill calling for a four-billion-dollar research program to combat the growing HELP crisis, entirely funded by a value-added tax on condom sales nationwide."
"It is my hope that the bulk of these revenues can go to ending this scourge, whatever it may be," he said in his broad Massachusetts accent.
Remo turned off the sound.
"You hear that, Smitty?"
"Yes."
"This is awful fishy."
"How so?"
"Yesterday, Clancy was ducking the question of HELP like crazy. You could tell he was worried about what Limburger was going to say and do. Now Limburger's vanished and all of a sudden there's a giant bill in the Senate."
"It is almost as if Clancy knows Limburger isn't coming back," Smith said slowly. His voice grew sharp. "Remo, can you get to Clancy?"
"As a matter of fact, I'm in good with his mother's nurse. I can talk to her."
"Do so," said Smith.
"I'll get back with you, Smitty," said Remo suddenly, hanging up.
Remo had spotted the Master of Sinanju through a bungalow window. He threw open the door.
"Hey, Little Father! I'm headed for Nirvana West. You coming?"
"Have you showered?" Chiun called back.
"The ice hasn't melted yet. But before you say no, Thrush Limburger just disappeared."
"The fiends!" shrieked Chiun, rushing forward, his wide kimono sleeves flapping like the wings of some ungainly bird.
"What fiends?" asked Remo, going out to meet him.
"Whichever ones abducted Thrush the Vocal. They must be depraved to commit such a heinous act."
"They also must be able to bench press elephants if they carried him off themselves. Come on. We gotta talk to Nalini."
The Master of Sinanju froze as Remo threw open the car door for him.
"Why must you do that?" he asked coolly.
"Clancy just pulled a flip-flop. He's sponsoring a bill to fight HELP. Could be he knows what happened to Limburger."
"Then we will rend his dissipated flesh from his treasonous bones," cried Chiun.
"Nothing doing. He's a U.S. senator. We don't mess with him without authorization from Smith. You know how he is about hitting politicians, especially if they're ours."
"I do not understand. What are assassins for but to do away with nettlesome rivals?"
"Look, Clancy belongs to a famous political family. I know they're mostly jerks, you know they're mostly jerks, and Smith knows they're mostly jerks. Could be he's more than a jerk. Could be he's pulling a scam for some reason."
"So?"
"So, he belongs to the same party as the new President."
"Ah." Chiun's eyes narrowed. "This new President, he is not to Emperor Smith's liking?"
"Every time Smith calls him, he's gotta remind the President to turn down the radio."
"The new President is an adherent of Thrush too?"
"Not Thrush. Elvis."
"The dead one whose restless spirit haunts supermarkets and post offices throughout this land?"
"That's the only Elvis I know about."
The Master of Sinanju's visage tightened in thought. "Perhaps after this assignment the opportunity I have been waiting for will come," he said thoughtfully.
"What opportunity?"
"To unseat the President and place Harold Smith on the Eagle Throne where he rightfully belongs and where he will be in a position to handsomely reward our loyalty."