"You told me you couldn't get it up unless I wore one," Jane Goodwoman complained.
"I can't--since my cousin's statutory rape trial."
Remo slammed the door and the limo resumed bouncing.
"What did I tell you?" Remo told Chiun as he led the Master of Sinanju away from the struggling limousine. "Nero would have been proud."
"Nero," said Chiun in a stiff voice, "would have had better taste in females."
"At least, it gets Jane Goodwoman off my back for a while. Let's see if we can't hunt up Nalini."
"Yes. By all means hunt up that other harlot. Perhaps Clancy will allow you two the use of his chariot when he is done."
"Blow it out your butt, Chiun," said Remo, walking away.
Coming to the base of a low hill, Remo started up the gentle slope. From the summit, he could see the rustic sprawl of Nirvana West, not much changed since the day before.
This time, the press had not gathered around Senator Ned Clancy. Instead, they were listening to Theodore Soars-With-Eagles.
He was trying to explain that Thrush Limburger had been spirited away by old-growth forest devils, angered that he insulted the proud Chinchilla tribe.
"Limburger said the tribe called themselves Chowchillas," a reporter shouted back.
"That was another tribe," Theodore retorted. "Our poor relations. We do not speak of them. I am a Chinchilla, from the soles of my chinchilla moccasins to the shoulders of my chinchilla cloak."
"There's no Chinchilla tribe registered with the Bureau of Indian Affairs."
"That is because my Chinchilla ancestors refused to register with the oppressive white man, so their braves would not be drafted into unjust foreign wars against other oppressed peoples. Because they were unregistered, they were denied food until their numbers dwindled until this day, in which I stand before you all-the last of the Chinchillas."
The press wrote down every word and asked no more questions.
The Master of Sinanju joined his pupil and said in a sere voice, "Yours is a cruel race."
"Oh, come off it. He's making it up as he goes along."
"Then why are the scribes not doubting him?"
"Because it's easier to copy than research." Remo frowned. "It's a sure bet we won't be able to get near Theodore any time soon. Damn. How are we going to investigate this mess with all this press milling around?"
"Perhaps by investigating Thrush Limburger."
"Good idea. Maybe we can locate the van he was supposed to have vanished from."
A change in the direction of the wind brought a familiar scent to Remo's nostrils.
"Hold the phone," he said.
"What phone?"
"Change in plan. I smell Nalini."
Chiun sniffed the air-or pretended to.
"I smell no such thing," he said thinly.
"Well, I do."
"Then you are smelling yourself."
Remo didn't answer. His dark eyes were raking the panorama below.
"There's her limo," Remo said, starting down the hillside.
Chiun called after him. "Remo, you are going the wrong way."
"Nice try, Chiun. But no sale."
Remo moved between the thick trees, stopping every so often to shake off the ants that seemed to like to drop off tree limbs and into his hair like hyperactive fleas.
He came out close to the black limousine that carried Senator Clancy's mother. The same security guards stood watch.
The back door was open and Mrs. Clancy sat inside, her paralysis-twisted features looking like something out of an old Creature Feature.
Her eyes happened to be looking in Remo's direction, so he thought what the hell and stepped into view.
Mrs. Clancy's eyes popped in their sockets and she began bouncing in her seat, obviously agitated. She brought her hands up to her mouth and her forefingers began gesturing crazily.
Nalini's voice called, "What is it, Adji? What is wrong?"
"It's just me," said Remo.
The guards snapped to attention and pulled Uzis from under their coats.
"It is okay," Nalini cried, stepping out from the other side of the limo. "It is okay! This man is not an enemy."
Reluctantly, the Uzis were lowered-but not reholstered.
Remo started for the limo.
Mrs. Clancy wriggled her fingers even more crazily.
One of the rusty ants leaped up from the ground and landed on Remo's bare wrist. Another came off a tree. Remo flicked them away without thinking.
Nalini ducked her head into the back of the limo and bulged her eyes out, bringing her fingers up to her mouth. She made the same crazy finger wriggling, and Mrs. Clancy settled down.
Her face tight, Nalini came to greet Remo.