"Trivia," Chiun sniffed. "They filled your empty head with trivia and superstition. I taught you everything that matters."
"I remember it a little different, Little Father." Remo suddenly remembered something. "Want me to drop you off at the Chinese restaurant?"
Chiun stroked his wispy beard. "Not unless you are going to eat too."
"I figure I'll eat later," said Remo.
"Then I prefer to starve. I am no better than a bug-eater if you prefer the company of that currymongering woman to that of the one who raised you from the muck and ignorance of the nunnery."
Remo sighed. He pulled into the bungalow just as it grew dark.
"Look," he said, getting out. "Eat or don't eat. Just don't lay any guilt trip on me because I want to enjoy a little female companionship once in a while."
"You are welcome to females by the score. As long as they are appropriately colored."
"You mean white?"
"No. Korean. Have I ever told you that the Korean woman is the fairest flower of them all?"
"Yes, and I can dig up my own female companionship, thank you."
"I am going to my room," said Chiun. He eyed his pupil for a reaction.
"Okay by me," said Remo in an unconcerned voice.
"To sleep," added Chiun.
"Pleasant dreams," said Remo.
"If my slumber is troubled by the sound of rutting, I will make myself heard."
"You make yourself heard every night with that goose-honking of yours."
Chiun drew himself up to his full five-foot height. "Slanderer! I do not snore!"
"And I tell no lies."
The Master of Sinanju flounced into his bungalow, slamming the door after him. Remo slammed his door too.
But a few minutes later, Remo was humming. He had hot water and it felt good coursing soapily down his lean, hard body. He was going on a date. He had not had a date-a real date-in years. Women he had had. Dates, no. It was nice to think he could still date, have a good time and get away from work. Especially this assignment.
By the time the knocking came at the door, Remo was whistling.
His whistle trailed off into a startled squawk when he threw open the door.
For there stood Jane Goodwoman, stark naked. More stark than naked, although she was totally naked. She was very stark.
"What are you doing here?" Remo demanded.
Jane Goodwoman smiled as wide as a Cadillac grille. "I got your note, lover!" She threw out her arms and her breasts wobbled like mismatched pink jello molds, setting her hoop earrings jangling.
"What note?"
"The one you sent to my hotel that said 'I love you madly.' "
"I hate you absolutely," said Remo. "Therefore, I sent no mash notes."
Jane Goodwoman gathered up her E-cup breasts, shoved there into Remo's face and demanded, "How can you hate these?"
Looking at the mass of flesh slopping over Jane Goodwoman's clutching hands, Remo remarked, "I didn't know tits could have thyroid problems."
Jane Goodwoman turned red and threw her hand back to slap Remo in the face. Remo was too quick. He slammed the door. The slam and the smack of her hand hitting the door blended into a single short, sharp sound.
"This despicable harassment will be in tomorrow's Blade!" she called through the quivering door.
"Get stuffed. Just be sure you spell my name right. It's Salk. S-A-L-K. With the FDA. And it is Association."
"Bastard!"
"At least I had one parent who owned up to having me."
The sound of a car going away was a relief. It was almost eight. Nalini was due any minute. Remo went over to the connecting wall with Chiun's duplex and slammed it hard enough to loosen plaster.
"Nice try, Little Father, but you blew it. She couldn't wait till eight."
The sound of snoring came loudly. It was not the usual goose-honking, so Remo knew Chiun was faking it, surrendering dignity in return for avoidance of blame.
When she came, Nalini entered the room like a balmy breeze. Her sari was a livid pink and clung to her willowy body like ocean foam. Framed by her shawl, her dusky face was like some dark-hearted lotus blossoming.
"Hello, Remo," she said, lowering her big luminous eyes coyly.
Remo couldn't suppress a grin. "You're right on time. Wanna eat?"
"Certainly."
She took his arm and her perfume flavored the walk to the car.
At the Chinese restaurant, they talked over their meal. Remo was surprised at how he hung on Nalini's every word. He found her fascinating, in a mysterious way. He was halfway through dinner before he remembered he needed to pump her too.
"Clancy still hanging around?" he asked.
"Yes. He is very determined to save mankind from this terrible HELP. It has been his burden since the death of his brothers. Those poor men, Remo. Dying of overwork because they cared about helping people too much to rest themselves properly."
"You don't buy that crap?"
Nalini shrugged languidly. "I am a simple nurse from a foreign land. What do I know of such things? Some say there is a hole in the sky and others a disease in the air. I do not know. Others wiser than I will tell me what is truth."