“If you all want to die, I can’t save you!” Mae ignored me and threw her hands up in the air.
“I can’t save you! I can’t save anybody! You would think that when everyone you loved was immortal, you wouldn’t have anything to worry about!” A fresh tear slid down her cheek, and I wanted to hug her or comfort her in someway, but I didn’t know how. I was afraid that anything I did would just set her off more, and I didn’t even really know what was wrong.
“We’re really, really sorry,” Milo repeated emphatically.
“I can’t save anybody!” Mae wailed, her voice cracking painfully.
“Mae,” Ezra whispered gently. She had started sobbing, doubling over and holding her sides.
He reached out for her, wrapping his arms firmly around her and trying to hold her up. “Mae, love, it’s all right.”
“It is not all right!” Mae tried pushing him away, but he held steadfast onto her. “You know it’s not all right! This is not how it’s supposed to be!” She was crying harder, her words lost completely in her tears, so she turned and buried her face in his chest. She had given up on fighting him, and just collapsed against Ezra.
They stood that way for a minute, Mae crying into him as he murmured words of comfort in her hair.
The rest of us just stared at them, unsure of what was happening or what we should do. I turned to Jack, but he was just as clueless as I was. Bobby was still cowering behind Milo, and neither of them were any help. The dog licked at Jack’s hand, but he just pushed her away. We weren’t really sure if we should leave or stay there or speak or what, so we just stared.
“I don’t mean to be rude,” I began carefully when Mae seemed to be a little more composed.
I twisted nervously at the rag and glanced back at Jack, who nodded encouragingly at me. Most likely, he was just relieved that I was putting myself out there instead of him. Getting the end of Mae’s wrath was awfully unpleasant. “But, um, what is going on?”
“Mae went to visit her family, her human family,” Ezra explained quietly. Even though his words were meant to soothing, for Mae, I could hear the hint of disapproval in them. He didn’t think that Mae should have anything to do with the humans she had left behind when she turned, but she insisted on driving out to check on them, although she never interacted with them. “Tonight, she found that her greatgranddaughter is terminally ill, and she only has a matter of months to live.” Mae’s body shook with sobs, and he held her more tightly to him. Just hearing him say it aloud devastated her.
Mae had been twenty-eight when she turned, leaving behind a young daughter. Her change had not been by choice, and she had to leave a family that meant everything to her. As a result, she had been forced to watch her daughter grow up from a distance, and then her granddaughter, and now her great-grandchildren.
Ezra had tolerated her fondness for them because he loved her so much, but he had given her a deadline.
They were going to have to move away from them soon, because she couldn’t spend her entire existence watching her future generations getting old and dying. Thankfully, her daughter was still alive, as was the rest of her extended family. The only one that had died had been Mae’s husband, and she had been very upset over that.
The hardest part for Mae was that she had had an infant son that died, several years before her daughter was born. It had almost killed her, and Mae swore that she would never outlive any of her other children. Unfortunately, she had become immortal, so she would have no choice. But nothing could’ve prepared her for losing her five-year-old great-granddaughter. I doubt she could even wrap her mind around losing her daughter, let alone a child. This had to be some of the most devastating news Mae had ever gotten.
“Mae, I am so sorry.” I went to her, and she pulled away from Ezra just enough so she could hug me.
As much as she loved him, at that moment, she wanted a child, and I had become a surrogate daughter for her. She held onto me so tightly it was painful, but I said nothing. I just let her hug me and cry onto my shoulder.
Eventually, she calmed down and apologized for her behavior. By then, Milo and Bobby had snuck up to their room, much to my annoyance. Ezra stayed by her side, in case she might need her, but Jack had ventured into the backyard with Matilda to give us a bit more privacy. When Mae could speak clearly, she explained that Daisy, her great-granddaughter, had been looking under the weather the last few months, but it wasn’t until tonight that she was able to overhear them talking and found out exactly what was going on.
That, on top of nearly losing Ezra, Peter, and me, left her feeling incredibly frantic and desperate tonight.
Ezra was convinced that rest was the best solution to her current state, and he was starting look rather drained himself. It probably didn’t help that he was already in a weakened condition from everything that had happened in Finland. He helped Mae back down to their room, looking apologetically back at me as he did.
He cared about her very much and he did not want to see her in pain, but he was still pissed off that she had any contact with them. Nothing good could come from keeping humans in your life.
I thought of Jane at the club, and Bobby upstairs with my brother, and shook my head.
Eventually, everyone would die, except for us, and I could never tell if that was comforting or terrifying.
Jack was outside, wrestling in the fallen leaves and frost with Matilda. The moon was fat but thin clouds hazed over it. I stepped out the French doors, relishing the feel of the chill in the air.
Breathing in deeply, I tried to the freshness from the outdoors cleanse from everything else that had happened. All of Mae’s tears and fears, and all the horrible images of Jane in the darkened rooms of V.
“Hey,” Jack grinned at me when he saw me, and got from a pile of leaves he and the dog had been demolishing. Matilda had twigs and leaves imbedded in her fur, and she loped around the lawn carrying a big stick in her mouth. Jack ran a hand through his hair, freeing a few leaves himself and walked over to me.
“How are you holding up?”
“Great.” I was exaggerating, but I did feel a lot better being outside.
“You sure?” Jack looked at me seriously, and I picked at some of the foliage that clung to his tee shirt.
His bare arms were dirty and cold from the ground, but I doubt he even noticed.
“Yeah. Mae is the one having the rough night, not me,” I said.
“How is she?” Jack looked past me at the house, worrying about her.
“I really don’t know,” I admitted. “Ezra took her back to their room to get some rest, but…” I trailed off and shrugged. It was hard to say how she would hold up against this. Nothing in the world was more important to Mae than family.
“I’m sorry we couldn’t help Jane more,” Jack said softly, returning his concerned look back to me.
“Me too, but you’re right. She has to want to help herself, and she’ll probably never want to,” I sighed and rubbed at my arms, even though they weren’t really cold.
“You’ve had a really long night. You should probably get some rest, too,” Jack nodded at the house.
“That is true.” It fairly early for me to go to bed, but I hadn’t really felt completely rested since before I went on the trip to rescue Peter. I yawned loudly and thought longingly about curling up in bed.
“Do you want any company?” Jack asked, wagging his eyebrows.
“You know I do,” I chewed my lip. I always wanted Jack in bed with me, especially after we had started earlier, but my heart wasn’t really in it just then. “But we probably shouldn’t, not with Mae so worried that we’re all gonna die. And this morning I did almost rip Bobby’s head off just because I could smell his blood. I’m probably not in control enough to handle what you would do to me.”
“That is true,” Jack smiled a little sadly. “You can go in and go ahead to bed. I might come up in a bit to grab some clothes, but I gotta get the dog cleaned up before I can take a shower and crash on the couch.”
“I feel so bad about kicking you out of your own bed,” I said for probably the millionth time since I had moved into his room.
“Hey, I’m nothing if not a gentlemen, and I couldn’t sleep knowing you weren’t absolutely comfortable,” Jack grinned. I was about to protest further, but he leaned down and kissed me gently. His lips were cool from the night, but the kiss was brief, stopping it before I could really get into it.
Still, my skin felt warm and flushed when he straightened up. “Go on and get to bet. I’ll see you in the morning.”
I nodded, and then almost reluctantly, I turned to walk back into the house. Matilda chased after me, planning into sneak into the house with me, but Jack stopped her. Her big white paws were covered in cold mud from running around by the lake, and her fur was of dirty debris from rolling around. I don’t know what Jack’s plan was for getting her clean before they went into the house, but I left him outside running around with the dog. I watched them for a minute before heading up to his room. Matilda leapt happily over piles of leaves, and Jack charged after her, laughing and egging her on. He was dirty and his clothes were getting ruined, but he didn’t notice at all because he was having too much fun with his dog. It was weird how things like that could make me love him so much. My heart swelled at the sight of him, and I turned to go upstairs before I changed my mind about inviting him to go with me.
In the middle of a horrible dream about crocodiles chasing kittens, Jack came in and gave me a kiss. I stirred a little in bed and invited him to join, but he declined for reasons that remain a mystery. I’m sure he told me, but as soon as the words were out of his mouth, I was asleep again, but thankfully, I managed to save all the kittens from the crocodiles. When I did finally wake up for good, I realized dourly that one of the things that Jack had said to me had been goodbye. Not “good night,” not “see you in the morning,” but
“goodbye,” which had way too much finality in it for my taste.
I dashed out of bed, hoping that it had all been some mutation of my dream about Jack, but I had no such luck. I raced downstairs to find the den, a.k.a. Jack’s current sleeping quarters, deserted, with all his blankets folded up neatly, and Jack never folded up blankets or made his bed. I thought about checking in with Mae, but I didn’t want to disturb her, even though I was certain she would know. That left me hurrying back upstairs to check with Peter on the off-chance he knew something, and by then, I had Matilda trailing after me, another sure fire sign that Jack was gone. Unfortunately, Peter was gone, too, but I wasn’t even sure if he’d come home yesterday or where he might’ve run off to.
In truth, I’d known Jack was gone the second I opened my eyes, and I didn’t him telling me goodbye while I was asleep to know that. I could always feel when he wasn’t around me, like the thread between us got pulled painfully thin. I couldn’t tell exactly where he was at or anything; I just knew that it wasn’t close by, and it left me feeling irritated and crabby.