She just knows my stand on it. If she turns the child, I will not be her. I won’t go through that heart ache with her. Neither of them would survive it, not for long. Child vampires never do.”
“What do you mean?” I pressed. The youngest vampire I had met had been Violet, and she was fourteen. I couldn’t imagine what one would be like younger than that. Would they look older too, the way that Milo and Violet both looked about nineteen?
“They go insane, or they’re killed,” Ezra said simply. “They learn, but can’t mature. They get old, but can’t grow. They get impulses they can’t control. They’re volatile and strong and never really understand the consequences of their actions. Other vampires don’t like having them around, and they don’t like being alive.
It never ends well.” He ran a hand through this blond hair and breathed in deeply. “And if Mae were to change her, to get even more attached to the child than she already was, she would either die trying to protect her, or kill herself after the child died. And I have no interest in being a part of that.”
“And Mae doesn’t see that?” I asked, even though I knew the answer. She was too blinded by her love for her family to see any rational thought. Her only concern was keeping the girl around for another day, at any cost.
“No.” He gave me a sad smile. “She mistakenly believes that I can do anything. But I can’t this time.”
His expression was far away. “I cannot save the child. There is only one type of death versus another. The child will suffer, and then die, either way. But Mae cannot accept that.”
“Are you going to go talk to her? Maybe you can help her accept this. I mean, she’s just going through the seven stages of grief, and it sounds like she’s at bargaining,” I said hopefully.
“Maybe, but unfortunately, she actually has something to bargain with. Most people have no other recourse, but Mae does. Would anyone really move past bargaining if God would actually talk to them and listen to their pleas?”
“Did you just compare yourself to God?” I raised an eyebrow at him.
“Accidentally,” Ezra admitted, looking disgusted at his own choice of words. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to.
But at any rate, I don’t think I have to say can help Mae through this.” He sighed heavily.
“But… my clothes are in the room, and I should probably get dressed.”
“Are you two going to split up?” I was surprised how nervous I sounded, but really, they were the only stable couple I had ever met. And if they split up, what hope did the rest of us have?
“I will stay with her as long as she’ll have me, and as long as she doesn’t turn the child,” Ezra said, but that was the kind of answer people gave when they weren’t ready to tell the kids they were breaking up. I was starting to think that maybe it was only a matter of time before things ended between them, and that was terrifying. I loved them both, and I couldn’t imagine a life where they weren’t both in it. I wasn’t ready for that at all.
Ezra went down to his room to try and calm Mae, and get ready for the day. For someone who was completely obsessed with the idea of family, I couldn’t believe how rigid he was being with Mae. He was right about not turning her granddaughter, I’m sure, but he was inflexible when talking to her. He had been willing to die to save Peter, but he wouldn’t allow the same irrational passion in her. Maybe it was because this was his way of protecting the family. If she did this, it would certainly devastate everything around her, himself included. I don’t know what would happen to our family unit. If we would split up between them, like children of divorce, or… I don’t know.
It was strange, because even though I knew I was going to live a very long time, I had somehow had expected that everything would stay the same forever. Mae had told me that they would move in a few years, but I couldn’t imagine living anywhere but this house, with all of them, even Peter. Ezra had once told me that everyone I know would die, and that I would outlast everything. But I had never believed that I would outlast this family.
When Milo and Jack finally came back from their blood run, I reluctantly told them about the fight. I felt like it wasn’t my place to let on what was going on, but at the same time, they knew something was up and I was horrible at keeping secrets. Milo went down to try to talk some sense into Mae, and we let him. Jack still invited Peter to watch a movie with us, but after all the drama of the morning, we decided to watch something lighter than an epic British mini-series. So we went with the opposite, and put in Futurama.
I curled up on the couch next to Jack, and Peter sat it in a chair on the other side of the room. Bobby came down to join us a little while later, which was good, because it helped alleviate some of the tension in the room. Jack and Peter were making an attempt to get along, but there was still animosity in the air.
Mae came out of her room, saying she couldn’t take it here anymore, and she stormed out to her car.
Milo chased after her and went with her, but I think that was mostly to prevent her from doing anything stupid, like going to see an ill relative perhaps. Ezra moped about the house of the rest of the night. He didn’t say much to any of us, and he wouldn’t join us in doing anything, even when we suggested playing Monopoly.
When I decided to turn in for the night, I really wanted to invite Jack to stay in his room with me. Not even in a naughty way or anything like that. The fight between Mae and Ezra had left me feeling shaken up, and I just wanted to hang onto something that I knew would be around forever. But Peter was lingering around us, giving me a weird look, and I didn’t feel right about asking him. I think Jack noticed Peter’s bizarre behavior because he insisted on walking me up to my room and stayed at the door until he was sure that Peter was safely in his own room. Then he kissed me, just bit long than would be polite in public, and returned down to his couch bed in the den. The one thing I could say for Jack was that he always left me wanting more, and my heart raced dizzily when I went to bed.
Jack tried waking me up bright and early the next morning, but I wanted to sleep in for a change. He decided to take Matilda to the dog park for awhile, which was just as well, because I didn’t feel comfortable going there anymore after Jack had fought a rabid dog there last spring. The joke was on me, though. After he left, I couldn’t fall back to sleep, but I blamed that entirely on how hungry I was.
It had been a dull ache growing in the pit of my stomach since yesterday. When we had been watching TV with Bobby, I kept finding myself more fascinated by the watching the pulse pounding in his jugular than in the images on the screen. Now it was even worse. There was a dryness in my veins and my throat. My limbs felt crackly when I moved them, and even though I felt kind of jittery and twitchy, I was slow moving. All my energy was fading away, but I felt strangely frenetic. I was avoiding eating as much as possible, to gain control and all that. I knew I was going to have to soon, but for now, I decided that my best bet would be to just avoid Bobby until I absolutely had to eat.
I went about getting ready, but I couldn’t find the energy to shower. I just brushed my teeth, got dressed, and pulled my hair back in a messy bun. I tried to call Jane again, but she still wouldn’t answer. Milo and Bobby were going have to go to the club again soon to check on her, but I didn’t feel up to being around Bobby in order to talk to them about it. In fact, I could hardly stand being this close to them as it was. All their heartbeats echoed in my ears, and I could smell the faint scent of Bobby through my walls. I was going to have to distract myself somehow before I went insane.
I knocked franticly on Peter’s bedroom door and chewed my lip. I stood a better chance of not biting him than I did Bobby, and even if I did bite Peter, he stood a better chance of living. Since I was at this point, I probably should’ve considered eating, but I really, really had to control of myself. Because I really, really wanted to be alone with Jack, and this was the only way I could trust myself to do that. This would be so worth it in the end, though.
“What?” Peter opened his bedroom door, looking irritated. “Is the house on fire?”
“No. Can I come in?” I tucked a stray stand of hair behind my ears and looked plaintively at him. His green eyes were confused, but he relented and took a step back from the door so I could go in.
When I brushed past him, I inhaled deeply. He smelled so good, and I had almost forgotten that. His blood used to be my favorite scent in the world, before I really knew that’s what it was.
When I had been human, the tangy scent he left behind always intoxicated me, and I hadn’t realized that was his blood I was lusting after. Now I did, and the smell was even stronger and more delicious.
“You look hungry,” Peter commented. He shut the bedroom door behind me when I came in, and that might have bothered me if I had a clearer head.
“Yeah, well,” I tried to play it off like nothing. For him to notice meant it had to be getting bad. My skin was paler than normal, and my heart was beating more rapidly than it should.
His room was slightly messy, or at least as messy as he would allow, which was much cleaner than mine and Jack’s room. His large four post bed was unmade, but the white blankets were pulled back neatly.
Bookshelves lined his walls, but they were overflowing. Peter had apparently decided to spend the day reading, and there were a few books discarded on his bed. On the white chair by the bookcases, he had a book splayed open, a red ribbon marking his page should it close. The French doors that led onto the balcony off his room were slightly ajar, letting in a chill breeze that ruffled his curtains. I paced his room, trying to ignore the painful gnawing inside of me, but I stopped when I saw the red stain on his white rug.
“Perhaps you should eat,” Peter suggested, but there was an uncomfortable edge to his words. He had caught me staring at the stain and was eager to draw my attention from it. It was blood, my blood, from when he had nearly killed me.
“Why don’t you throw away the rug?” I twisted at the hem of my shirt, feeling fidgety, and turned to face him.
“As you can tell, I’m really not in the mood to hang out,” Peter completely ignored my question. He avoided my gaze and gestured to his room, as if the state of it would signify something to me. Underneath his smooth tan skin, I could see his veins pulsing delicately, but it had quickened ever so slightly.
I was making him nervous, and I delighted in that, even though it was doing nothing to ease my hunger pains.
“You shut the door behind me,” I motioned to the closed door. “I think you’re okay with talking. You just want everything on your terms.”
“What’s so wrong with that? Don’t you want everything on your own terms?” Peter grumbled, running a hand through his chestnut hair. He hadn’t cut it since we’d come back, and while I had never been partial to long hair on guys, it looked really good on him.
In fairness, everything looked really good on him. Wearing slim jeans and a white sweater that rode smoothly over his muscles, he was still the most attractive vampire I’d ever seen, and that really was saying a lot. I hated him for it. The way he could just be casually spending the day in his room, and look like he was a movie star at a video shoot. More than that, I hated that I was still attracted him, when I knew I had no reason to be.
“I want things the way I want them, but I don’t force other people to live by my rules,” I clarified.
“Neither do I! Am I forcing you to do anything?” Peter countered and looked at me, letting his brilliant emerald eyes pierce through me. They still dazzled me, if not the same way that they once did, but maybe in my hunger, they hit me even more. Everything about him just seemed so much more enticing.
“No, but… I don’t know.” I shook my head and turned away from him, returning to pacing his room again. Peter leaned against one of the posts on his bed and crossed his arms over his chest.
“Why don’t you just eat something instead of pestering me?” he asked.
“No, no, I can’t,” I waved away the idea. “I’m fine anyway.”
“Very convincing,” Peter sighed. “Is that what you’re doing here? Trying to distract yourself from eating? You’re probably fantasizing about ripping into your brother’s little boy toy, aren’t you?”
“Don’t be disgusting!” I scoffed, but he was really close to the truth, and I blushed a little.
“It’s not disgusting. It’s a fact of life.” He narrowed his eyes at me as something occurred to him.