“No, I know what happened!” I held up my hand. Rubbing my forehead, I exhaled shakily.
“I just don’t really know why it happened.”
“Well, maybe if you start telling what exactly happened, I can help with the why,” Jack suggested coldly.
“We kissed!” I shouted, feeling exasperated already. Getting frustrated with him probably wasn’t helping the situation, but I couldn’t help it. I just wanted to get to the part where I sobbed and apologized, and eventually, he forgave me.
“Who kissed whom?”
“I-I don’t know,” I stammered and looked down. I pulled my knees up my chest, and I really just wanted to bury my head in my hands.
“Really? You have no idea? Just one minute you’re standing there and then next you’re making out with him? That seems pretty spontaneous,” Jack said sarcastically.
“Nobody was making out.” I couldn’t even look at him. This was much harder than I thought it would be.
“So… who kissed whom?” Jack repeated, and when I still didn’t answer, he got louder.
“Alice?”
“I think… I-I might’ve,” I mumbled and swallowed hard. I could’ve lied but I knew he’d see it on me, and that would just make things worse. I rested my hand on my forehead and leaned on my knees. He had to take a few moments to process what I’d told him, and his hurt was even rawer now. I felt bad enough without having to feel everything that he felt, but I knew I deserved, so I bit my lip and took it.
“Are you in love with him?” His voice was so low I could barely hear it.
“God, no!” I shouted fiercely and looked at him. “No! I love you, Jack! And that’s all!” A wayward tear slid down my cheek. I wanted to crawl over to him and kiss him, but I knew he’d push me away. I just didn’t know how else to convey how much I loved him.
“So why would you kiss him? After everything we’ve been through!” Jack was almost pleading with me now, and it was making me cry.
“I don’t know! Honestly, Jack! I wish I did!” I wiped at my cheeks. “I was really thirsty, and I was trying to hold off on eating so I could get more self-control. And I just went into his room to talk, to distract myself, and then… I don’t know. We were talking, and then I just… I just kissed him. It was only for a second, and then I stopped it and I said that I couldn’t do it. And I am so sorry, Jack! I am so sorry! If I could take it back I would! I never wanted to do anything to hurt you!”
“I’ve just been thinking about it over and over in my head.” He rubbed his temples and looked at the ground. His eyes were moist, but he wasn’t crying. “I kept thinking, if you kissed him, could I forgive you?
And if you slept with him, could I forgive you?”
“I never slept with him!” I insisted and sat up on my knees.
“No, I’m just telling you what I was thinking.” He shook his head. “And you know what I realized?
I’d forgive you of anything!” What he was saying sounded good, but he didn’t feel good. He was completely agonized, and I had done this to him. “I’m not giving you permission, but you could do anything, and I would just forgive you. I couldn’t not.” Jack stared off at nothing, thinking. “I don’t know if you know what that’s like. Even if what you do kills me, I would…” With bated breath, I watched him.
“You could kill me, Alice,” Jack looked at me seriously. “That’s how much you mean to me.
As foolish and masochistic as that makes me, you are so much to me that even if it destroys me to be with you, I’ll be with you! And I don’t care why you kissed him or what you did. I don’t even really wanna know. But I am begging you to please never do anything like this again. Because I love you so much, and I am trusting you with far too much, but I don’t know how to be any different! You just… you can’t do this to me anymore, okay? Please?”
“I promise! I’ll never do anything!” I got up off the bed and ran over to him, unable to contain myself anymore. Putting my hands on his cheeks, I looked into his wounded blue eyes. “I am so sorry. I can never tell you how much it hurts me to know that I did this to you. I never wanted this, and I’ll never, ever do it again. I promise you. I love so much, Jack.”
“You better,” he whispered.
Finally, after three long days, he kissed me. I had thought that I had truly lost him, and there was this panicked insistence to the kiss. I wrapped my arms around his neck and held him to me. His mouth was warm and wonderful, and I knew nothing in the world tasted better than he did. My thirst peaked at that, and my heart pounded hungrily in my chest, but I denied it. I just wanted to be with him, physical and present, in the moment. I kissed him so long, my lungs screamed for oxygen, but I ignored them and kissed him some more.
“Run away with me,” Jack murmured breathlessly. He rested his forehead against mine and knotted his fingers in the thickness of my hair.
“What?” I asked, thinking I’d misheard him.
“Run away with me,” he repeated and moved back a little so he could look me in the eyes. “I don’t wanna stay here anymore. Everyone lied to me. Peter is still going after you, and Mae tried to kill me. There’s no reason for me to stay anymore. Let’s run away together.”
“What about Milo?” My mind scrambled. There was something exciting about the idea of just running off with him, but I couldn’t just pick up and leave like that. Milo hadn’t done anything wrong, and he still needed me. Kind of. Maybe. Not really. But I wasn’t ready to leave him, and on top of that, Jane was here, and she definitely still needed help. “And Jane?”
“Jane?” His brow furrowed. “What about Jane?”
“She’s here, in Peter’s room.” I had forgotten that Jack hadn’t been around to find out what was going on. “Milo saw her on Halloween, and she was doing really terrible. So we’re helping her out, I guess.”
“Peter’s room?” Jack looked appalled.
“Yeah, he’s sleeping in the den. Everyone is playing musical beds,” I waved it away.
“This is house is too small for this many people,” Jack pointed out. “There are four bedrooms, and currently eight people. And that’s just another reason why we should move out.”
“Maybe…” I mulled the idea over.
Running away might be too extravagant for me. I didn’t have a job, and Jack worked with Ezra and
2Peter. I didn’t want to leave Milo, but I didn’t think that Jack couldn’t support the four of us, since I’d probably have to include Bobby in the equation. Maybe he could, but if we were running away from Peter and Ezra, I wasn’t sure if that meant he’d quit his job too. And since Mae and Ezra were probably about to get divorced, I didn’t feel right about leaving them either. Not mention I was still having issues with bloodlust, ones that could prove potentially fatal to everyone.
“What are you thinking?” Jack pushed a strand of hair off my forehead. He managed to keep the fear out of his voice, but he couldn’t hide it from me.
“I don’t care if we leave Peter, but I don’t think I’m ready to leave everyone else,” I admitted.
“I can’t live with Peter anymore, and I don’t think you should either,” Jack said honestly.
“And I don’t really want to be around Mae.” I chewed my lip and looked up at him. He’d just come back, and I really didn’t want to lose him again, but I wasn’t ready to sacrifice everything else just to be with him.
“Okay. How about this? I keep working with Ezra, and we start looking for a place of our own in the Twin Cities area, with room enough for Milo and Bobby to stay with us as often as they want. That way, we’ll still be close to everybody, and Milo can back and forth between the two houses if he wants, but me and you will finally have some privacy.”
“Okay,” I nodded, even though the idea of it made me nervous. After seeing what Milo did to Bobby and Jonathan did to Jane, I wasn’t so keen on the idea of privacy with Jack. Yes, I really, really, really wanted to do things with him, but I loved him too much to kill him.
“I have barely slept in three days,” Jack yawned. “And it’s not even noon yet. What do you say we get some sleep?”
“Sounds good,” I smiled and gave him a quick kiss on the lips.
He pulled off his tee shirt and shorts, opting to sleep in his boxers, which was fine by me.
Few people in the world looked as amazing in just their underwear as Jack did. I crawled into bed, and he climbed into after me. He lay on his back so I could curl up in his arms, resting my head on his chest, which was just the way I liked it.
“I missed you so much,” he said, running his fingers through my hair.
“Me too.” I squeezed him tightly, then thought of something. “Where did you sleep for the past three days?”