The Skill is often said to be the hereditary magic of the Farseer line, and certainly it seems to flow most predictably in those bloodlines. It is not unknown, however, for the Skill to crop up as a latent talent almost anywhere in the Six Duchies. In earlier reigns, it was customary for the Skillmaster who served the Farseer monarch at Buckkeep to regularly seek out youngsters who showed potential for the Skill. They were brought to Buckkeep, instructed in the Skill if they showed strong talent, and encouraged to form coteries: mutually chosen groups of six that aided the reigning monarch as required. Although there is a great dearth of information on these coteries, almost as if scrolls relating to them were deliberately destroyed, oral tradition indicates that there were seldom more than two or three coteries in existence at any time, and that strong Skill-users have always been rare. The procedure Skillmasters used for locating children with latent talent is lost to time. King Bounty, father to King Shrewd, discontinued the practice of building coteries, perhaps believing that restricting knowledge of the Skill to the exclusive use of princes and princesses would increase the power of those who did possess it. Thus it was that when war came to the shores of the Six Duchies in the reign of King Shrewd, there were no Skill coteries to aid the Farseer reign in the defense of the kingdom.
I awoke in the night with a jolt. Malta. I had left the Fool's mare picketed out on the hillside. The pony would come in, and likely had even put herself within the barn, but I had left the horse out there, all day, with no water.
There was only one thing to do about it. I arose silently and left the cabin, not closing the door behind me lest the shut of it awaken the Fool. Even the wolf I left sleeping as I walked out into the dark alone. I stopped briefly at the barn. As I suspected, the pony had come in. I touched her gently with my Wit-sense. She was sleeping and I left her where she was.
I climbed the hill to where I had picketed the horse, glad that I was not walking in the true dark of a winter night. The stars and the full moon seemed very close. Even so, my familiarity with my path guided me more than my eyes. As I came up on Malta, the horse gave a rebuking snort. I untied her picket line and led her down the hill. When the stream cut our path on its way to the sea, I stopped and let her drink.
It was a beautiful summer night. The air was mild. The chirring of night insects filled the air, accompanied by the sound of the horse sucking water. I let my gaze wander, filling myself with the night. Dark stole the colors of the grass and trees, but somehow their stark shades of black and gray made the landscape seem more intricate. The moisture in the cooler air awoke all the summer scents that had dozed by day. I opened my mouth and drew in a deep breath, tasting the night more fully. I gave myself up to my senses, letting go of my human cares, taking this moment of now and letting it stretch eternally around me. My Wit unfurled around me and I became one with the night splendor.
There is a natural euphoria to the Wit. It is both like and unlike the Skill. With the Wit, one is aware of all the life that surrounds one. It was not just the warmth of the mare nearby that I sensed. I knew the scintillant forms of the myriad insects that populated the grasses, and felt even the shadowy life force of the great oak that lifted its limbs between the moon and me. Just up the hillside, a rabbit crouched motionless in the summer grasses. I felt its indistinct presence, not as a piece of life located in a certain place, but as one sometimes hears a single voice's note within a market's roar. But above all, I felt a physical kinship with all that lived in the world. I had a right to be here. I was as much a part of this summer night as the insects or the water purling past my feet. I think that old magic draws much of its strength from that acknowledgment: that we are a part of that world, no more, but certainly no less than the rabbit.
That Tightness of unity washed through me, laving away the nastiness of the Skill greed that had earlier befouled my soul. I took a deeper breath, and then breathed it out as if it were my last, willing myself to be part of this good, clean night.
My vision wavered, doubled, and then cleared. For a pent breath of time, I was not myself, was not on the summer hillside near my cabin, and I was not alone.
I was a boy again, escaped from confining stone walls and tangling bedclothes. I ran lightshod through a sheep pasture dotted with tufts of ungrazed weeds, trying vainly to keep up with my companion. She was as beautiful as the star-dotted night, her tawny coat spangled with darkness. She moved as unobtrusively as night herself did. I followed her, not with human eyes, but with the Wit-bond that joined us. I was drunk with love of her and love of this night, intoxicated with the heady rush of this wild freedom. I knew I had to go back before the sun rose. She knew, just as strongly, that we did not, that there was no better time than now to make our escape.
And in my next breath, that knowing was gone. The night still bloomed and beckoned around me, but I was a grown man, not a boy lost in the wonder of his first Wit-bond. I did not know who my senses had brushed, or where they were, nor why we had meshed our awarenesses so completely. I wondered if he had been as cognizant of me as I was of him. It did not matter. Wherever they were, whoever they were, I wished them well in their night's hunting. I hoped their bond would last long and be deep as their bones.
I felt a questioning tug at the lead rope. Malta had quenched her thirst and had no wish to stand still while the insects feasted on her. I became aware that my own warm body had attracted a swarm of little bloodsuckers as well. She swished her tail and I waved my hand about my head before we set off down the hill once more. I stabled her, and slipped softly back into the cabin, to seek out my own bed for the rest of the night. Nighteyes had stretched out, leaving me less than half the bed, but I did not mind. I stretched out beside him, and set my hand lightly on his ribs. The beating of his heart and the movement of his breath were more soothing than any lullaby. As I closed my eyes, I felt more at peace than I had in weeks.
I awoke easily and early the next morning. My interlude on the hillside seemed to have rested me more than sleep. The wolf had not fared so well. He still slept heavily, a healing sleep. I felt a twinge of conscience over that, but pushed it aside. Whatever I had done to his heart seemed to tax the resources of the rest of his body, but surely that was better than letting him die. I surrendered the bed to him and left him sleeping.
The Fool was not about, but the door was left standing open, a fair indication that he had gone out. I set a small fire, put on the kettle, and then took some time with washing up and shaving. I had just smoothed my hair back behind my ears when I heard the Fool's footsteps on the porch. He entered with a basket of eggs on his arm. When I looked up from drying my face, he stopped in his tracks. A wide grin spread slowly over his face.
"Why, it's Fitz! A bit older, a bit more worn, but Fitz all the same. I had wondered what you looked like under that thatch."
I glanced back into the mirror. "I suppose I don't take much pains with my appearance anymore." I grimaced at myself, then dabbed at a spot of blood. As usual, I had nicked myself where the old scar from my time in Buck-keep's dungeons seamed my face. Thank you, Regal. "Starling told me that I look far older than my years. That I could return to Buckkeep Town and never fear that anyone would recognize me."
The Fool made a small sound of disgust as he set the eggs on the table. "Starling is, as usual, wrong on both counts. For the number of years and lives you have lived, you look remarkably young. It's true that experience and time have changed your features; folk recalling the boy Fitz would not see him grown to a man in you. Yet, some of us, my friend, would recognize you even if you were flayed and set afire."
"Now there's a comforting thought." I set the mirror down and turned to the task of making breakfast. "Your color has changed," I observed a moment later as I broke eggs into a bowl. "But you yourself don't look a day older than the last time I saw you."
The Fool was filling the teapot with steaming water. "It's the way of my kind," he said quietly. "Our lives are longer, so we progress through them more slowly. I've changed, Fitz, even if all you see is the color of my flesh. When last you saw me, I was just approaching adulthood. All sorts of new feelings and ideas were blossoming in me, so many that I scarce could keep my mind on the tasks at hand. When I recall how I behaved, well, even I am scandalized. Now, I assure you, I am far more mature. I know that there is a time and place for everything, and that what I am destined to do must take full precedent over anything I might long to do for myself."
I poured the beaten eggs into a pan and set them at the fire's edge. I spoke slowly. "When you speak in riddles, it exasperates me. Yet when you try to speak clearly of yourself, it frightens me."
"All the more reason why I should not speak of myself at all," he exclaimed with false heartiness. "Now. What be our tasks for the day?"
I thought it out as I stirred the setting eggs and pushed them closer to the fire. "I don't know," I said quietly.
He looked startled at the sudden change in my voice. "Fitz? Are you all right?"
I myself could not explain the sudden lurch in my spirits. "Suddenly, it all seems so pointless. When I knew Hap was going to be here for the winter, I always took care to provide for us both. My garden was a quarter that size when the boy first came to me, and Nighteyes and I hunted day to day for our meat. If we did not hunt well and went empty for a day or so, it did not seem of much consequence. Now, I look at all I have already set by and think, If the boy is not here, if Hap is wintering with a master while he starts to learn his trade, why, then, I already have plenty for both Nighteyes and me. Sometimes it seems that there's no point to it. And then I wonder if there's any point left to my life at all."
A frown divided the Fool's brows. "How melancholy you sound. Or is this the elfbark I'm hearing?"
"No." I took up the shirred eggs and brought them to the table. It was almost a relief to speak the thoughts I'd been denying. "I think it was why Starling brought Hap to me. I think she saw how aimless my life had become, and brought me someone to give shape to my days."
The Fool set down plates with a clatter, and dished food onto them in disgusted splats. "I think you give her credit for thinking of something beyond her own needs. I suspect she picked up the boy on an impulse, and dumped him here when she wearied of him. It was just lucky for both of you that you helped each other."
I said nothing. His vehemence in his dislike for Starling surprised me. I sat down at the table and began eating. But he had not finished.
"If Starling meant for anyone to give shape to your days, it was herself. I doubt that she ever imagined you might need anyone's companionship other than hers."
I had an uncomfortable suspicion he was right, especially when I recalled how she had spoken of Nighteyes and Hap on her last visit.
"Well. What she thought or didn't think scarcely matters now. One way or another, I'm determined to see Hap apprenticed well. But once I do
"Once you do, you'll be free to take up your own life again. I've a feeling it will call you back to Buckkeep."
"You've 'a feeling'?" I asked him dryly. "Is this a Fool's feeling, or a White Prophet's feeling?"
"As you never seemed to give credence to any of my prophecies, why should you care?" He smiled archly at me and began eating his eggs.
"A time or three, it did seem as if what you predicted came true. Though .your predictions were always so nebulous, it seemed to me that you could make them mean anything."
He swallowed. "It was not my prophecies that were nebulous, but your understanding of them. When I arrived, I warned you that I had come back into your life because I must, not because I wanted to. Not that I didn't want to see you again. I mean only that if I could spare you somehow from all we must do, I would."
"And what is it, exactly, that we must do?"
"Exactly?" he queried with a raised eyebrow.
"Exactly. And precisely," I challenged him.
"Oh, very well, then. Exactly and precisely what we must do. We must save the world, you and I. Again." He leaned back, tipping his chair onto its back legs. His pale brows shot toward his hairline as he widened his eyes at me.
I lowered my brow into my hands. But he was grinning like a maniac and I could not contain my own smile. "Again? I don't recall that we did it the first time."
"Of course we did. You're alive, aren't you? And there is an heir to the Farseer throne. Hence, we changed the course of all time. In the rutted path of fate, you were a rock, my dear Fitz. And you have shifted the grinding wheel out of its rut and into a new track. Now, of course, we must see that it remains there. That may be the most difficult part of all." — ai, "And what, exactly and precisely, must we do to ensure that?" I knew his words were bait for mockery, but as ever, I could not resist the question.
"It's quite simple." He ate a bite of eggs, enjoying my suspense. "Very simple, really." He pushed the eggs around on his plate, scooped up a bite, then set his spoon down. He looked up at me, and his smile faded. When he spoke, his voice was solemn. " must see that you survive. Again. And you must see that the Farseer heir inherits the throne."
"And the thought of my survival makes you sad?" I demanded in perplexity.
"Oh, no. Never that. The thought of what you must go through to survive fills me with foreboding."
I pushed my plate away, my appetite fled. "I still don't understand you," I replied irritably.
"Yes you do," he contradicted me implacably. "I suppose you say you don't because it is easier that way, for both of us. But this time, my friend, I will lay it cold before you. Think back on the last time we were together. Were there not times when death would have been easier and less painful than life?"
His words were shards of ice in my belly, but I am nothing if not stubborn. "Well. And when is that ever not true?" I demanded of him.
There have been very few times in my life when I have been able to shock the Fool into silence. That was one of them. He stared at me, his strange eyes getting wider and wider. Then a grin broke over his face. He stood so suddenly he nearly overset his chair, and then lunged at me to seize me in a wild hug. He drew a deep breath as if something that had constricted him had suddenly sprung free. "Of course that is true," he whispered by my ear. And then, in a shout that near deafened me, "Of course it is!"
Before I could shrug free of his strangling embrace, he sprang apart from me. He cut a caper that made motley of his ordinary clothes, and then sprang lightly to my tabletop. He flung his arms wide as if he once more performed for all of King Shrewd's court rather than an audience of one. "Death is always less painful and easier than life! You speak true. And yet we do not, day to day, choose death. Because ultimately, death is not the opposite of life, but the opposite of choice. Death is what you get when there are no choices left to make. Am right?"
Infectious as his fey mood was, I still managed to shake my head. "I have no idea if you are right or wrong."
"Then take my word for it. I am right. For am I not the White Prophet? And are not you my Catalyst, who comes to change the course of all time? Look at you. Not the hero, no. The Changer. The one who, by his existence, enables others to be heroes. Ah, Fitz, Fitz, we are who we are and who we ever must be. And when I am discouraged, when I lose heart to the point of saying, 'But why cdnnot I leave him here, to find what peace he may? then, lo and behold, you speak with the voice of the Catalyst, and change my perception of all that I do. And enable me to be once more what I must be. The White Prophet."
I sat looking up at him. Despite my efforts, a smile twisted my mouth. "I thought I enabled other people to be heroes. Not prophets."
"Ah, well." He leapt lightly to the floor. "Some of us must be both, I fear." He gave himself a shake, and tugged his jerkin straight. Some of the wildness went out of him. "So. To return to my original question. What are our tasks today? My turn to give you the answer. Our first task today is to give no thought to the morrow."
I took his advice, for that day at least. I did things I had not been giving myself permission to do, for they were not the serious tasks that provided against the morrow, but the simple work that brought me pleasure. I worked on my inks, not to take to market and sell for coin, but to try to create a true purple for my own pleasure. It yielded no success that day; all my purples turned to brown as they dried, but it was a work I enjoyed. As for the Fool, he amused himself by carving on my furniture. I glanced up at the sound of my kitchen knife scraping across wood. The movement caught his eye. "Sorry," he apologized at once. He held the knife up between two fingers to show me, and then carefully set it down. He got up from his chair and wandered over to his saddle pack. After a moment of digging, he tugged out a roll of fine bladed tools. Humming to himself, he went back to the table and set to on the chairs. He went bare- fingered to his task, tugging off the fine glove that usually masked his Skill hand. As the day progressed, my simple chairs gained leafy vines twining up their backs, and occasional little faces peeping out of the foliage.
When I looked up from my work in mid-afternoon, I saw him come in with chunks of seasoned wood from my woodpile. I leaned back from my desk to watch him as he turned and considered each one, studying them and tracing their grain with his Skill fingers as if he could read their secrets hidden to my eyes. At length he selected one with a knee in it and started in on it. He hummed to himself as he worked, and I left him to it.
Nighteyes woke once during the day. He clumped down from my bed with a sigh and tottered outside. I offered him food when he returned but he turned his nose up at it. He had drunk deeply, all the water he could hold, and he lay himself down with a sigh on the cool floor of the cabin. He slept again, but not as deeply.
And so I passed that day in pleasure, which is to say, in the sort of work I wanted to do rather than the work that I thought I ought to be doing. Chade came often to my mind that day. I wondered, as I seldom had before, at how the old assassin had passed his long hours and days up in his isolated tower before I had come to be his apprentice. Then I sniffed disdainfully at that image of him. Long before I had arrived, Chade had been the royal assassin, bearing the King's Justice in the form of quiet work wherever it neededto go. The sizable library of scrolls in his apartments and his endless experiments with poisons and deadly artifice were proof that he had known how to occupy his days. And he had had the welfare of the Farseer reign to give him a purpose in life.
Once, I too had shared that purpose. I had shrugged free of it to have a life of my own. Odd, that in the process I had somehow wrenched myself free of the very life I had thought to have to myself. To gain the freedom to enjoy my life, I had severed all connections with that old life. I had lost contact with all who had loved me and all had loved.
That wasn't the complete truth, but it suited my mood. An instant later, I realized I was wallowing in self-pity. My last three attempts at a purple ink were drying to brown, though one did have a very nice shade of rose to the brown. I set aside that scrap of paper, after making notes on it as to how I had gotten the color. It would be good ink for botanical illustrations, I thought.
I unfolded my legs from my chair and rose, stretching. The Fool looked up from his work. "Hungry?" I asked him.
He considered a moment. " could eat. Let me cook. The food you make fills the stomach but does little more than that."
He set aside the figurine he was working on. He saw me glance at it, and covered it, almost jealously. "When I'm finished," he promised, and began a purposeful ransacking of my cupboards. While he was tsking over my lack of any interesting spices, I wandered outside. I crossed the stream, which could have led me gently down to the beach. Idly I walked up the hill, past both horse and pony grazing freely. At the crest of the hill I walked more slowly until I reached my bench. I sat down on it. Only a few steps away, the grassy hill gave way to sudden slate cliffs and the rocky beach below them. Seated on my bench, all I could see was the wide vista of ocean spread out before me. Restlessness walked through my bones again. I thought of my dream of the boy and the hunting cat out in the night and smiled to myself. Run away from it all, the cat had urged the boy, and the thought had all my sympathy.
Yet, years ago, that was what I had done, and this was what it had brought me. A life of peace and self-sufficiency, a life that should have satisfied me; yet, here I sat.
A time later, the Fool joined me. Nighteyes too came at his heels, to lie down at my feet with a martyred sigh. "Is it the Skill-hunger?" the Fool asked with quiet sympathy.
"No," I replied, and almost laughed. The hunger he had unknowingly waked in me yesterday was temporarily crippled by the elfbark I had consumed. I might long to Skill, but right now my mind was numbed to that ability.
"I've put dinner to cook slowly over a little fire, to keep from driving us out of the house. We've plenty of time." He paused, and then asked carefully, "And after you left the Old Blood folk, where did you go?"
I sighed. The wolf was right. Talking to the Fool did help me to think. But perhaps he made me think too much. I looked back through the years and gathered up the threads of my tale.
"Everywhere. When we left there, we had no destination. So we wandered." I stared out across the water. "For four years, we wandered, all through the Six Duchies. I've seen Tilth in winter, when snow but a few inches deep blows across the wide plains but the cold seems to go down to the earth's very bones. I crossed all of Farrow to reach Rippon, and then walked on to the coast. Sometimes I took work as a man, and bought bread, and sometimes the two of us hunted as wolves and ate our meat dripping."
I glanced over at the Fool. He listened, his golden eyes intent on my story. If he judged me, his face gave no sign of it.
"When we reached the coast, we took ship north, although Nighteyes did not enjoy it. I visited Beams Duchy in the depth of one winter."
"Beams?" He considered that. "Once, you were promised to Lady Celerity of Beams Duchy." The question was in his face but not his voice.
"That was not of my will, as you recall. I did not go there to seek out Celerity. But I did glimpse Lady Faith, Duchess of Beams, as she rode through the streets on her way to Ripplekeep Castle. She did not see me, and if she had, I am sure she would not have recognized the ragged wanderer as Lord FitzChivalry. I hear that Celerity married rich in both love and lands, and is now the Lady of Ice Towers near Ice Town."
"I am glad for her," the Fool said gravely.
"And. never loved her, but I admired her spirit, and liked her well enough. I am glad of her good fortune."
"And then?"
"I went to the Near Islands. From there, I wished to make the long crossing to the Out Islands, to see for myself the land of the folk who had raided and made us miserable for so long, but the wolf refused to even consider such a long sea journey.
"So we returned to the mainland, and traveled south. We went mostly by foot though we took ship past Buckkeep and did not pause there. We journeyed down the coast of Rippon and Shoaks, and on beyond the Six Duchies. I didn't like Chalced. We took ship from there just to get away from it."
"How far did you go?" the Fool prompted when I fell silent.
I felt my mouth twist in a grin as I bragged, "All the way to Bingtown."
"Did you?" His interest heightened. "And what did you think of it?"
"Lively. Prosperous. It put me in mind of Tradeford. The elegant people and their ornate houses, with glass in every window. They sell books in street booths there, and in one street of their market, every shop has its own sort of magic. Just to walk down that way dizzied me. I could not tell you what kind of magic it was, but it pressed against my senses, giddying me like too-strong perfume…" I shookmy head. "I felt like a backward foreigner, and no doubt sothey thought me, in my rough clothes with a wolf at myside. Yet, despite all I saw there, the city couldn't live up tothe legend. What did we used to say? That if a man couldimagine a thing, he could find it for sale in Bingtown. Well, I saw much there that was far beyond my imagining, butthat didn't mean it was something I'd want to buy. I sawgreat ugliness there, too. Slaves coming off a ship, withgreat cankers on their ankles from the chains. We saw oneof their talking ships, too. I had always thought them just atale." I grew silent for a moment, wondering how to conveywhat Nighteyes and I had sensed about that grim magic. "Itwasn't a magic I'd ever be comfortable around," I saidat last.
The sheer humanity of the city had overwhelmed the wolf, and he was happy to leave as soon as I suggested it. I felt smaller after my visit there. I appreciated anew the wildness and isolation of Buck's coast, and the rough militancy of Buckkeep. I had once thought Buckkeep the heart of all civilization, but in Bingtown they spoke of us as barbaric and rude. The comments I overheard stung, and yet I could not deny them. I left Bingtown a humbled man, resolved to add to my education and better discover the true width of the world. I shook my head at that recollection. Had I ever lived up to my resolve?
"We didn't have the money for ship passage, even if Nighteyes could have faced it. We decided to journey up the coast on foot."
The Fool turned an incredulous face to me. "But you can't do that!"
"That's what everyone warned us. I thought it was city talk, a warning from folk who had never traveled hard and rough. But they were right."
Against all counsel, we attempted to travel by foot up the coastline. In the wild lands outside of Bingtown, we found strangeness that near surpassed what we had discovered beyond the Mountain Kingdom. Well is that coast called the Cursed Shores. I was tormented by half-formed dreams, and sometimes my conscious imaginings were giddy and threatening. It distressed the wolf that I walked on the edges of madness. I can offer no reason for this. I suffered no fevers or any of the other symptoms of the illnesses that can unseat a man's mind, yet I was not myself as we passed through that rough and inhospitable country. Vivid dreams of Verity and our dragons came back to haunt me. Even awake, I tormented myself endlessly with the foolishness of past decisions, and thought often of ending my own life. Only the companionship of the wolf kept me from such an act. Looking back, I recall, not days and nights, but a succession of lucid and disturbing dreams. Not since I had first traveled on the Skill-road had I suffered such a contortion of my own thoughts. It is not an experience I would willingly repeat.
Never, before or since, had I seen a stretch of coast as devoid of humanity. Even the animals that lived there rang sharp and odd against my Wit-sense. The physical aspects of this coast were as foreign to us as the savor of it. There were bogs that steamed and stank and burned our nostrils, and lush marshes where all the plant life seemed twisted and deformed despite its rank and luxuriant growth. We reached the Rain River, which the folk of Bingtown call the Rain Wild River. I cannot say what distorted whim persuaded me to follow it inland, but I attempted it. The swampy shores, rank growth, and strange dreams of the place soon turned us back. Something in the soil ate at Nighteyes' pads and weakened the tough leather boots I wore until they were little more than tatters. We admitted ourselves defeated, but then added a greater error to our wayward quest when we cut young trees to fashion a raft. Nighteyes' nose had warned us against drinking any of the river water, but I had not fully appreciated what a danger it presented to us. Our makeshift raft barely lasted to carry us back to the mouth of the river, and we both incurred ulcerating sores from the touch of the water. We were relieved to get back to good honest saltwater. Despite the sting of it, it proved most healing to our sores.
Although Chalced has long claimed rightful domain of the land up to the Rain River, and has frequently asserted that Bingtown too lies within its reign, we saw no signs of! any settlements on that coast. Nighteyes and I traveled a long and inhospitable way north. Three days past the Rain River, we seemed to leave the strangeness behind, but we journeyed another ten days before we encountered a hu-j man settlement. By then, regular washing in brine had healed many of our sores, and my thoughts seemed more my own, but we presented the aspect of a weary beggar and his mangy dog. Folk were not welcoming to us.
My footsore journey north through Chalced persuaded me that folk there are the most inimical in the world. I enjoyed Chalced fully as much as Burrich had led me to believe I would. Even its magnificent cities could not move me. The wonders of its architecture and the heights of its civilization are built on a foundation of human misery. The reality of widespread slavery appalled me.
I paused in my tale to glance at the freedom earring that hung from the Fool's ear. It had been Burrich's grandmother's hard-won prize, the mark of a slave who had won freedom. The Fool lifted a hand to touch it with a finger. It hung next to several others carved of wood, and its silver network caught the eye.
"Burrich," the Fool said quietly. "And Molly. I ask you directly this time. Did you ever seek them out?"
I hung my head for a moment. "Yes," I admitted after a time. "I did. It is odd you should ask now, for it was as I crossed Chalced that I was suddenly seized with the urge to see them."
One evening as we camped well away from the road, I felt my sleep seized by a powerful dream. Perhaps the im' ages came to me because in some corner of her heart, Mollystill kept a place for me. Yet I did not dream of Molly as a lover dreams of his beloved. I dreamed of myself, I thought, small and hot and deathly ill. It was a black dream, a dream all of sensations without images. I lay curled tight against Burrich's chest, and his presence and smell were the only comforts I knew in my misery. Then unbearably cool hands touched my fevered skin. They tried to lift me away, but I wiggled and cried out, clinging to him. Burrich's strong arm closed around me again. "Leave her be," he commanded hoarsely.
I heard Molly's voice from a distance, wavering and distorted. "Burrich, you're as sick as she is. You can't take care of her. Let me have her while you rest."
"No. Leave her beside me. You take care of Chiv and yourself."
"Your son is fine. Neither of us is ill. Only you and Nettle. Let me take her, Burrich."
"No," he groaned. His hand settled on me protectively. "This is how the Blood Plague began, when I was a boy. It killed everyone I loved. Molly. I couldn't bear it if you took her away from me and she died. Please. Leave her beside me."
"So you can die together?" she demanded, her weary voice going shrill.
There was terrible resignation in his voice. "If we must. Death is colder when it finds you alone. I will hold her to the last."
He was not rational, and I felt both Molly's anger and her fear for him. She brought him water, and I fussed when she half-sat him up to drink it. I tried to drink from the cup she held to my mouth, but my lips were cracked and sore, my head hurt too badly, and the light was too bright. When I pushed it away, the water slopped on my chest, icy cold, and I shrieked and began to wail. "Nettle, Nettle, hush," she bade me, but her hands were cold when she touched me. I wanted nothing of my mother just then, and knew an echo of Nettle's jealousy that another child claimed the throne of Molly's lap now. I clutched at Burrich's shirt and he held me close again and hummed softly in his deep voice. I pushed my face against him where the light could not touch my eyes, and tried to sleep.
I tried so desperately to sleep that I pushed myself into wakefulness. I opened my eyes to my breath rasping in and out of my lungs. Sweat cloaked me, but I could not forget the tightness of my hot, dry skin in the Skill-dream. I had wrapped my cloak about me when I lay down to sleep; now I fought clear of its confines. We had chosen to sleep away the deep of the night on a creek bank; I staggered to the water and drank deeply. When I lifted my face from the water, I found the wolf sitting very straight and watching me. His tail neatly wrapped all four of his feet.
"He already knew I had to go to them. We set out that night."
"And you knew where to go, to find them?" I shook my head. "No. I knew nothing, other than that when they first left Buckkeep, they had settled near a town called Capelin Beach. And I knew the, well, the 'feel' of where they lived then. With no more than that,we set out. "After years of wandering, it was odd to have a destination, and especially to hurry toward it. I did not think about what we did, or how foolish it was. A part of me admitted it was senseless. We were too far away. I'd never get there in time. By the time I arrived, they would be either dead or recovered. Yet having begun that journey, I could not deviate from it. After years of fleeing any who might recognize me, I was suddenly willing to hurl myself back into their lives again? I refused to consider any of it. I simply went."
The Fool nodded sympathetically to my account. I feared he guessed far more than I willingly told him.
After years of denying and refusing the lures of the Skill, I immersed myself in it. The addiction clutched at me and I embraced it in return. It was disconcerting to have it come back upon me with such force. But I did not fight it. Despite the blinding headaches that still followed my efforts, I reached toward Molly and Burrich almost every evening. The results were not encouraging. There is noth-ing like the heady rush of two Skill-trained minds meeting. But Skill- seeing is another matter entirely. I had never been instructed in that application of the Skill; I had only the knowledge I had gained by groping. My father had sealed off Burrich to the Skill, lest anyone try to use his friend against him. Molly had no aptitude for it that I knew. In Skill-seeing them, there could be no true connection of minds, but only the frustration of watching them, unable to make them aware of me. I soon found that I could not achieve even that reliably. Disused, my abilities had rusted. Even a short effort left me exhausted and debilitated by pain, and yet I could not resist trying. I strove for those brief connections and mined them for information. A glimpse of hills behind their home, the smell of the sea, black-faced sheep pastured on a distant hill I treasured every hint of their surroundings, and hoped they would be enough to guide me to them. I could not control my seeing. Often I found myself watching the homeliest of tasks, the daily labor of a tub of laundry to be washed and hung, herbs to be harvested and dried, and yes, beehives to tend. Glimpses of a baby Molly called Chiv whose face reflected Burrich's features cut me with both jealousy and wonder.
Eventually I found a village called Capelin Beach. I found the deserted cottage where my daughter had been born. Other folk had lived here since then; no recognizable trace of them remained to my eyes, but the wolf's nose was keener. Nevertheless, Molly and Burrich were long gone from there, and I knew not where. I dared not ask direct questions in the village, for I did not want anyone to bear word to Burrich or Molly that someone was looking for them. Months had passed in my journeying. In every village I passed, I saw signs of new graves. Whatever the sickness had been, it had spread wide and taken many with it. In none of my visions had I seen Nettle; had it carried her off, as well? I spiraled out from Capelin Beach, visiting inns and taverns in nearby villages. I became a slightly daft traveler, obsessed with beekeeping and professing to know all there was to know on the topic. I started arguments so others would correct me and speak of beekeepers they had known. Yet all my efforts to hear the slightest rumor of Molly were fruitless until late one afternoon I followed a narrow road to the crest of the hill, and suddenly recog-nized a stand of oak trees.
All my courage vanished in that instant. I left the road and skulked through the forested hills that flanked it. The wolf came with me, unquestioning, not even letting his thoughts intrude on mine as I stalked my old life. By early evening, we were on a hillside looking down on their cottage. It was a tidy and prosperous stead, with chickens scratching in the side yard and three straw hives in the meadow behind it. There was a well-tended vegetable garden. Behind the cottage were a bam, obviously a newer structure, and several small paddocks built of skinned logs. I smelled horse. Burrich had done well for them. I sat in the dark and watched the single window glow yellow with candlelight, and then wink to blackness. The wolf hunted alone that night as I kept my vigil. I could not approach and I could not leave. I was caught where I was, a leaf on the edge of their eddy. I suddenly understood all the legends of ghosts doomed to forever haunt some spot. No matter how far I roamed, some part of me would always be chained here. As dawn broke, Burrich emerged from the cottage door. His limp was more pronounced than I recalled it, as was the streak of white in his hair. He lifted his face to the dawning day and took a great breath, and for one wolfish instant, I feared he would scent me there. But he only walked to the well and drew up a bucket of water. He carried it inside, then returned a moment later to throw some grain to the chickens. The smoke of an awakened fire rose from the chimney. So. Molly was up and about also. Burrich went out to the barn. As clear as if I were walking beside him, I knew his routine. After he had checked every animal, he would come outside. He did, and drew water, packing bucket after bucket into the barn.
My words choked me for an instant. Then I laughed aloud. My eyes swam with tears but I ignored them. "I swear, Fool, that is when I came closest to going down to him. It seemed as unnatural a thing as I had ever done, to watch Burrich work and not toil alongside him."
The Fool nodded, silent and rapt beside me.
"When he came out, he was leading a roan stallion. It astonished me. 'Buckkeep's best, shouted every line of his body. His spirit was in the arch of his neck, his power in his shoulders and haunches. My heart swelled in me just to see such a horse, and to know he was in Burrich's keeping rejoiced me. He turned the horse loose in a paddock, and then hauled yet more water to the trough there.
"When he next led Ruddy out, much of the mystery was cleared for me. I did not know, then, that Starling had hunted him down and seen to it that both his horse and Sooty's colt were given over to him. It was just good to see man and horse together again. Ruddy looked to have settled into good-natured stability; even so, Burrich did not paddock him next to the other stud, but put him as far away as possible. He hauled more water for Ruddy, then gave him a friendly thump and went back into the cottage.
"Then Molly came out."
I took another breath and held it. I stared out at the ocean, but that was not what I saw. The image of she who had been my woman moved before my eyes. Her dark hair, once wild and blowing to the wind, was braided and pinned sedately to her head, a matron's crown. A little boy toddled unsteadily after her. Basket on her arm, she moved with placid grace toward the garden. Her white apron draped her swelling pregnancy. The swift and slender girl was gone, but I found this woman no less attractive. My heart yearned after her and all she represented: the cozy hearth and the settled home, the companionship of the years to come as she filled her man's home with children and warmth.
"I whispered her name. It was so strange. She lifted her head suddenly, and for one sharp moment I thought she was aware of me. But instead of looking up to the hill, she laughed aloud, and exclaimed, 'Chivalry, no! Not good to eat. She stooped slightly, to pull a handful of pea flowers from the child's mouth. She lifted him, and I saw the effort it cost her. She called back to the cottage, 'My love, come fetch your son before he pulls the whole garden up. Tell Nettle to come and pull some turnips for me.
"Then I heard Burrich call back, 'A moment! An instant later, he stood in the doorway. He called over his shoulder, 'We'll finish the washing-up later. Come help your mother. I watched him cross the yard in a few strides and snatch up his son. He swung him high, and the child gave a whoop of delight as Burrich landed him on his shoulder. Molly set a hand atop her belly and laughed with them, looking up at them both with delight in her eyes."
I stopped speaking. I could no longer see the ocean. Tears blinded me like a fog.
I felt the Fool's hand on my shoulder. "You never went down to them, did you?" I shook my head mutely.
I had fled. I had fled the sudden gnawing envy I felt, and I fled lest I glimpse my own child and have to go to her. There was no place down there for me, not even on the edges of their world. I knew that. I had known it since first I knew they would marry. If I walked down to that door, I would carry destruction and misery with me.
I am no better than any other man. There was bitterness in me, and anger at both of them, and the stark awareness of how fate had betrayed us all. I could not blame them for turning to each other. Neither did I blame myself for the anguish I felt that by that act, they had excluded me forever from their lives. It was done and over, and regrets were useJBS less. The dead, I told myself, have no right to regret. The most I can claim for myself is that I did walk away. I did not let my pain poison their happiness, or compromise my daughter's home. That much strength, I found.
I drew a long breath and found my voice again. "And that is the end of my tale, Fool. Next winter caught us here. We found this hut and settled into it. And here we have been ever since." I blew out a breath and thought over my own words. Suddenly none of it seemed admirable.
His next words rattled me. "And your other child?" he asked quietly.
"What?"
"Dutiful. Have you seen him? Is not he your son, just as much as Nettle is your daughter?"
"I… no. No, he is not. And I have never seen him. He is Kettricken's son and Verity's heir. So Kettricken recalls it, I am sure." I felt myself reddening, embarrassed that the Fool had brought this up. I set my hand to his shoulder. "My friend, only you and I know of how Verity used me…my body. When he asked my permission, I misunderstood his request. I myself have no memory of how Dutiful was conceived. You must recall; I was with you, trapped in Verity's misused flesh. My King did what he did to get himself an heir. I do not begrudge it, but neither do I wish to remember it."
"Starling does not know? Nor even Kettricken?"
"Starling slept that night. I am sure that if she even suspected, she would have spoken of it by now. A minstrel could not leave such a song unsung, however unwise it might be. As for Kettricken, well, Verity burned with the Skill like a bonfire. She saw only her King in her bed that night. I am certain that if it had been otherwise…" I sighed suddenly and admitted, "I feel shamed to have been a party to that deception. I know it is not my place to question Verity's will in this, but still…" My words trickled away. Not even to the Fool could I admit the curiosity I felt about Dutiful. A son, mine and not mine. And as my father; had chosen with me, so had I with him. To not know him, for the sake of protecting him.
The Fool set his hand on top of mine and squeezed it firmly. "I have spoken of this to no one. Nor shall I." He took a deep breath. "So. Then you came to this place, to settle yourself in peace. That is truly the end of your tale?"
It was. Since the last time I had bidden the Fool farewell, I had spent most of my days either running or hiding. This cottage was my selfish retreat. I said as much.
"I doubt that Hap would see it that way," he returned mildly. "And most folks would find saving the world once in their lifetime a sufficient credit and would not think to do more than that. Still, as your heart seems set on it, I will do all I can to drag you through it again." He quirked an eyebrow at me invitingly.
I laughed, but not easily. "I don't need to be a hero, Fool. I'd settle for feeling that what I did every day had significance to someone besides myself."
He leaned back on my bench and considered me gravely for a moment. Then he shrugged one shoulder. "That's easily done, then. Once Hap is settled in his apprenticeship, come find me at Buckkeep. I promise, you'll be significant."
"Or dead, if I'm recognized. Have not you heard how strong feelings run against the Witted these days?"
"No. I had not. But it does not surprise me, no, not at all. But recognized? You spoke of that worry before, but in a different light. I find myself forced to agree with Starling. I think few would remark you. You look very little like the FitzChivalry Farseer that folk would recall from fifteen years ago. Your face bears the tracks of the Farseer bloodline, if one knows to look for them, but the court is an inbred place. Many a noble carries a trace of that same heritage. Who would a chance beholder compare you to, a faded portrait in a darkened hall? You are the only grown man of your line still alive. Shrewd wasted away years ago, your father retired to Withywoods before he was killed, and Verity was an old man before his time. I know who you are, and hence I see the resemblance. I do not think you are in danger from the casual glance of a Buckkeep courtier." He paused, then asked me earnestly, "So? I will see you in Buckkeep before snow flies?"
"Perhaps," I hedged. I doubted it, but knew better than to waste breath arguing with the Fool.
"I shall," he decided resolutely. Then he clapped me on the shoulder. "Let's go back. Supper should be ready. And I want to finish my carving."
A SWORD AND A SUMMONS
Perhaps every kingdom has its tales of a secret and powerful protector, one that will rise to the land's defense if the need be great enough and the entreaty sincere enough. In the Out Islands, they speak oflcefyre, a creature who dwells deep in the heart of the glacier that cloaks the heart of Island Aslevjal. They swear that when earthquakes shake their island home, it is Icefyre rolling restlessly in his chill dreams deep within his icebound lair. The Six Duchies legends always referred to the Elderlings, an ancient and powerful race who dwelt somewhere beyond the Mountain Kingdom and were our allies in times of old. Only a king as desperate as King-in-Waiting Verity Farseer would have given such legends not only credence, but enough importance that he left his legacy in the care of his ailing father and foreign Queen while he made a quest to seek the aid of the Elderlings. Perhaps it was that desperate faith that gave him the power not only to wake the Elderling-carved stone dragons and rally them to the Six Duchies' aid, but also to carve for himself a dragon body and lead them to defend his land.
The Fool stayed on, but in the days that followed, he studiously avoided any serious topics or tasks. I fear I followed his example. Telling him of my quiet years seemed to settle those old ghosts. I should have been content to slip back into my old routines but instead a different sort of restlessness itched. A changing time, and a time to change. Changer. The Catalyst. The words and the thoughts that went with them wound through my days and tangled my dreams at night. I was no longer tormented by my past somuch as taunted by the future. Looking back over what I had made of my own youth, suddenly found myself much concerned for how Hap would spend his years. It suddenly seemed to me that I had wasted all the years when I should have been preparing the lad to face a life on his own. He was a good-hearted young man, and I had no qualms about his character. My worry was that I had given him only the most basic knowledge of making his way in the world. He had no specialized skills to build on. He knew all that he needed to know to live in an isolated cottage and farm and hunt for his basic needs. But it was the wide world I was sending him into; how would he make his way there? The need to apprentice him well began to keep me awake at night.
If the Fool was aware of this, he gave no sign of it. His busy tools wandered through my cabin, sending vinework crawling across my mantelpiece. Lizards peered down from the door lintel. Odd little faces leered at me from the corners of cupboard doors and the edge of the porch steps. If it was made of wood, it was not safe from his sharp tools and clever fingers. The activities of the water sprites on my rain barrel would have made a guardsman blush.
I chose quiet work for myself as well, and toiled indoors as much as out despite the fine weather. Part of it was that I felt I needed a thoughtful time, but the greater share was that the wolf was slow to recover his strength. I knew that my watching over him would not hasten his healing, but I could not chase away my anxiety for him. When I reached for him with the Wit, there was a somber quality to his silence, most unlike my old companion. Sometimes I would look up from my work to find him watching me, his deep eyes pensive. I did not ask him what he was thinking; if he had wanted to share it, his mind would have been accessible to mine.
Gradually, he regained his old activities, but some of the spring had gone out of him. He moved with a care for his body, never challenging himself. He did not follow me about my chores, but lay on the porch and watched my comings and goings. We hunted together still in the evening, but we went more slowly, both pretending to be hampered by the Fool. Nighteyes was as often content to point out the game and wait for my arrow rather than spring to the kill himself. These changes troubled me, but I did my best to keep my concerns to myself. All he needed was time to heal, I told myself, and recalled that the hot days of summer had never been his best time. When autumn came, he would recover his old vigor.
The three of us were settling into a comfortable routine. There were tales and stories in the evening, an accounting of the lesser events in our lives. Eventually we ran out of brandy, but the talk still flowed as smooth and warm- ing as the liquor had. I told the Fool what Hap had seen at Hardin's Spit, and of the talk about the Witted in the mar-ket. I shared, too, Starling's account of the minstrels at Springfest, and Chade's assessment of Prince Dutiful and what he had asked of me. All these stories, the Fool seemed to take into himself as a weaver takes up divergent threads to create from them a tapestry.
We tried the rooster feathers in the crown one evening, but the shafts of the feathers were too thin for the sockets, so the feathers sprawled in all directions. We both knew without speaking that they were completely wrong. Another evening, the Fool set out the crown on my table, and selected brushes and inks from my stores. I took a chair to one side to watch him. He arranged all carefully before him, dipped a brush in blue ink, and then paused, thinking. We sat still and silent so long that I became aware of the sounds of the fire burning. Then he set down the brush. "No," he said quietly. "It feels wrong. Not yet." He rewrapped the crown and put it back in his pack. Then one evening, while I was still wiping tears of laughter from my eyes at the end of a ribald song, the Fool set aside his harp and announced, "I must leave tomorrow."
"No!" I protested in disbelief at his abruptness, and then, "Why?"
"Oh, you know," he replied airily. "It is the life of a White Prophet. I must be about predicting the future, saving the world all those minor chores. Besides, you've run out of furniture for me to carve on."
"No, really," I protested. "Cannot you stay at least a few more days? At least, stay until Hap returns. Meet the boy."
He sighed. "Actually, I have stayed far longer than I should. Especially since you insist you cannot go with me when I leave. Unless?" He sat up hopefully. "You have changed your mind?"
I shook my head. "You know I have not. I can scarcely go off and abandon my home. I must be here when Hap comes back."
"Ah, yes." He sagged back into his chair. "His apprenticeship. And you do have chickens to care for."
The mockery in his voice stung. "It may not seem much of a life to you, but it's mine," I pointed out sourly.
He grinned at having needled me. "I am not Starling, my dear. I do not disparage any man's life. Consider my own, and tell me what height I look down from. No. I go to my own tasks, as dull as they must seem to one who has a whole flock of chickens to tend and rows of beans to hoe. My own tasks are just as weighty. I've a flock of rumors to share with Chade, and rows of new acquaintances to cultivate at Buckkeep."
I felt a twinge of envy. "I expect they will all be glad to see you again."
He shrugged. "Some, I suppose. Others were just as glad to see me go. And most will not recall me at all. Most, verging on all, if I am clever." He rose abruptly. "I wish I could just stay here," he confessed quietly. "I wish I could believe, as you seem to, that my life is my own to dispose of. Unfortunately, I know that is not true for either of us." He walked to the open door and looked out into the warm summer evening. He took a breath as if to speak, then sighed it out. A time longer he stared. Then he squared his shoulders as if making a resolve and turned back to me. There was a grim — si, smile on his face. "No, it is best I leave tomorrow. You'll follow me soon enough."
"Don't count on that," I warned him.
"Ah, but I must," he rejoined. "The times demand it. Of both of us."
"Oh, let someone else save the world this time. Surely there is another White Prophet somewhere." I spoke lightly, intending my words as jest. The Fool's eyes widened at them, and I heard a shudder as he drew breath.
"Do not even mention that future. It bodes ill for me that there is even the seed of that thought in your mind. For truly, there is another who would love to claim the mantle of the White Prophet, and set the world into the course that she envisions. From the beginning, I have struggled against her pull. Yet in this turning of the world, her strength waxes. Now you know what I hesitated to speak of more openly. I shall need your strength, my friend. The two of us, together, might be enough. After all, sometimes all it takes is a small stone in a rut for a wheel to lurch out of its track."
"Mm. It does not sound like a good experience for the stone, however."
He turned his eyes to mine. Where once they had been pale, they now glowed golden and the lamplight danced in them. There was both warmth and weariness in his voice. "Oh, never fear, you shall survive it. For I know you must. And hence I bend all my strength toward that goal. That you will live."
I feigned dismay. "And you tell me not to fear?"
He nodded, and his face was too solemn. I sought to turn the talk. "Who is this woman you speak of? Do I know her?"
He came back into the room and sat down once more at the table. "No, you do not know her. But I knew her, of old. Or rather I should say, I knew of her, though she was a woman grown and gone while I was just a child…" He glanced back at me. "A long time ago, I told you something of myself. Do you remember?" He did not wait for an answer. "I was born far, far to the south, of ordinary folk. As much as any folk are truly ordinary… I had a loving mother, and my fathers were two brothers, as is the custom of that place. But from the moment I emerged from my mother's womb, it was plain that the ancient lineage had spoken in me. In some distant past, a White had mingled his blood with my family lines, and I was born to take up the tasks of that ancient folk.
"As much as my parents loved and cherished me, they knew it was not my destiny to stay in their home, nor to be raised in any of their trades. Instead, I was sent away to a place where I could be educated and prepared for my fate. They treated me well there, and more than well. They too, in their own way, cherished me. Each morning I was questioned as to what I had dreamed, and all I could recall was written down for wise men to ponder. As I grew older and waking dreams overtook me, I was taught the art of the quill, that I might record my visions myself, for no hand is so clear as the one that belongs to the eye that has seen." He laughed self-deprecatingly and shook his head. "Such a way to raise a child! My slightest utterances were cherished as wisdom. But despite my blood, I was no better than any other child. I made mischief where I would, telling wild tales of flying boars and shadows that carried royal bloodlines. Each wild story I told was larger than the last, and yet I discovered a strange thing. No matter how I might try to foil my tongue, truth always hid in my utterances."
He cast his glance briefly toward me, as if expecting me to disagree. I kept silence.
He looked down. "I suppose I have only myself to blame that when finally the biggest truth of all blossomed in me and would not be denied, no one would believe me. The day I proclaimed myself the White Prophet that this age had awaited, my masters shushed me. 'Calm your wild ambitions, they told me. As if anyone would ever desire to take on such a destiny! Another, they told me, already wore that mantle. She had gone forth before me, to shape the fu' ture of the world as her visions prompted her. To each age, there is only one White Prophet. All know that. Even knew that was so. So what was I? I demanded of them. And they could not answer what I was, yet they were sure of what I was not. I was not the White Prophet. Her they had already prepared and sent forth."
He took a breath and fell silent for what seemed a long time. Then he shrugged.
"I knew they were wrong. I knew the trueness of their error as deeply as I knew what I myself was. They tried to make me content with my life there. I do not think they ever dreamed I would defy them. But I did. I ran away. And I came north, through ways and times I cannot even de-scribe to you. Yet north and north I made my way, until I came to the court of King Shrewd Farseer. To him I sold myself, in much the same way you did. My loyalty for his protection. And scarce a season had I been there before the rumor of your coming rattled that court. A bastard. A child unexpected, a Farseer unacknowledged. Oh, so surprised they all were. All save me. For I had already dreamed your face and I knew I must find you, even though everyone had assured me that you did not and could not exist."
He leaned over suddenly and set his gloved hand to my wrist. He gripped my wrist for only an instant, and our skin did not touch, but in that moment I felt a flash of binding. I can describe it no other way. It was not the Skill; it was not the Wit. It was not magic at all, as I know magic. It was like that moment of double recognition that sometimes overtakes one in a strange place. I had the sense that we had sat together like this, spoken these words before, and that each time we had done so, the words had been sealed with that brief touch. I glanced away from him, only to encounter the wolf's dark eyes burning into mine.
I cleared my throat and tried to find a different subject. "You said you knew her. Has she a name, then?"
"Not one you would have ever heard. Yet you have heard of her. Recall that during the Red Ship War, we knew their leader only as Kebal Rawbread?"
I bobbed my head in agreement. He had been a tribal leader of the Outislanders, one who had risen to sudden, bloody prominence, and just as swiftly fallen from power with the waking of our dragons. Some tales said Verity's dragon had devoured him, others that he had drowned.
"Did you ever hear that he had someone who advised him? A Pale Woman?"
The words rang oddly familiar in my mind. I frowned, trying to recall them. Yes. There had been a rumor, but no more than that. Again I nodded.
"Well." The Fool leaned back. He spoke almost lightly. "That was she. And I will tell you one more thing. As surely as she believes that she is the White Prophet, so she believes that Kebal Rawbread is her Catalyst."
"Her one who comes to enable others to be heroes?"
He shook his head. "Not that one. Her Catalyst comes to dismantle heroes. To enable men to be less than what they should be. For where I would build, she would destroy. Where I would unite, she would divide." He shook his head. "She believes all must end before it can begin anew."
I waited for him to balance his statement, but he fell silent. Finally I nudged him toward it. "And what do you believe?"
A slow smile spread over his face. "I believe in you. You are my new beginning."
I could think of nothing to say to that, and a stillness grew up in the room.
He reached slowly up to his ear. "I've been wearing this since the last time I left you. But I think I should give it back to you now. Where I go, I cannot wear it. It is too unique. Folk might remember seeing an earring like this on you. Or on Burrich. Or on your father. It might tickle memories I wish to leave undisturbed."
I watched him struggle with the catch. The earring was a silver net with a blue gemstone captured inside it. Burrich had given it to my father. I had been next to wear it. In my turn, I had entrusted it to the Fool, bidding him give it to Molly after my death as a sign I had never forgotten her. In his wisdom, he had kept it. And now?
"Wait," I bade him suddenly, and then, "Don't."
He looked at me, mystified.
"Disguise it if you must. But wear it. Please."
Slowly he lowered his hands. "Are you sure?" he asked incredulously.
"Yes," I said, and I was.
When I rose the next morning, I found the Fool up and washed and dressed before me. His pack waited on the table. Glancing about the room, I saw none of his posses-sions. Once more he was attired nobly. His garb contrasted oddly with the humble task of stirring the porridge. "You are leaving, then?" I asked stupidly. "Right after we eat," he said quietly. We should go with him.
It was the most direct thought the wolf had shared with me in days. It startled me, and I looked toward him, as did the Fool. "But what of Hap?" I asked him.
Nighteyes only looked at me in reply, as if I should already know his answer. I did not. "I have to stay here," I said to both of them. Neither one looked convinced. It made me feel sedate and staid to refuse them both, and I did not care for either sensation. "I have responsibilities here," I said, almost angrily. "I cannot simply go off and allow the boy to come back to an empty home."
"No, you cannot," the Fool agreed quickly, yet even his agreement stung, as if he said it only to mollify me. I found myself suddenly in a surly mood. Breakfast was grim and when we rose from the table, I suddenly hated the sticky bowls and porridge pot. The reminders of my daily, mundane chores suddenly seemed intolerable.
"I'll saddle your horse," I told the Fool sullenly. "No sense in getting your fine clothes dirty."
He said nothing as I rose abruptly from the table and went out of the door.
Malta seemed to sense the excitement of the journey to come, for she was restive, though not difficult. found myself taking my time with her, so that when she was ready, her coat gleamed as did her tack. I almost soothed myself, but as I led her out, I saw the Fool standing by the porch, one hand on Nighteyes' back. Discontent washed through me again, and childishly I blamed him for it. If he had not come to see me, I would never have recalled how much I missed him. I would have continued to pine for the past, but I would not have begun to long for a future.
I felt soured and old as he came to embrace me. Knowing there was nothing admirable about my attitude did nothing to improve it. I stood stiffly in his farewell clasp, barely returning it. I thought he would tolerate it, but when his mouth was by my ear, he muttered mawkishly, "Farewell, Beloved."
Despite my irritation, I had to smile. I gave him a hug and released him. "Go safely, Fool," I said gruffly.
"And you," he replied gravely as he swung onto the saddle. I stared up at him. The aristocratic young man on the horse bore no resemblance to the Fool I had known as a lad. Only when his gaze met mine did I see my old friend there. For a time we stood looking at one another, not speaking. Then, with a touch of the rein and a shift of his weight, he wheeled his horse. With a toss of her head, Malta asked for a free rein. He gave it to her, and she sprang forward eagerly into a canter. Her silky tail floated on the wind of her passage like a pennant. I watched him go, and even when he was out of sight, I watched the dust hanging in the lane.
When I finally went back into the cabin, I found he had cleaned all the dishes and the pot and put them away. In the center of my table, where his pack had concealed it, a Farseer buck was graven deep, his antlers lowered to charge. I ran my ringers over the carved figure and my heart sank in me. "What do you want of me?" I asked of the stillness.
Days followed that one, and time passed for me, but not easily. Each day seemed possessed of a dull sameness, and the evenings stretched endless before me. There was work to fill the time, and I did it, but I also marked that work only seemed to beget more work. A meal cooked meant only dishes to clean, and a seed planted only meant weeding and watering in the days to follow. Satisfaction in my simple life seemed to elude me.
I missed the Fool, and realized that all those years I had missed him as well. It was like an old injury wakened to new complaint. The wolf was no help in enduring it. A deep thoughtfulness had come upon him, and evenings often found us trapped in our individual ponderings. Once, as I sat mending a shirt by candlelight, Nighteyes came to me and rested his head on my knee with a sigh. I reached down to fondle his ears and then scratch behind them. "Are you all right?" I asked him.
It would not be good for you to be alone. I'm glad the Scentless One returned to us. I'm glad that you know where to find him.
Then, with a groan, he lifted his chin from my knee and went to curl on the cool earth by the front porch.
The final heat of summer closed down on us like a smothering blanket. I sweltered as I hauled water for the garden twice a day. The chickens stopped laying. All seemed too hot and too dull to survive it. Then, in the midst of my discontent, Hap returned. I had not expected to see him again until the month of full harvest was over, but one evening, Nighteyes lifted his head abruptly. He arose stiffly and went to the door, to stare down the lane.
After a moment I set aside the knife I was sharpening and went to stand beside him. "What is it?" I asked him.
The boy returns.
So soon? But as I framed the thought, I knew it was not soon at all. The months he had spent with Starling had devoured the spring. He'd shared high summer with me, but been gone all the month of early harvest and part of full harvest. Only a moon and a half had passed, and yet it still seemed horribly long. I caught a glimpse of a figure at the far end of the lane. Both Nighteyes and I hastened to meet him. When he saw us coming, he broke into a weary trot to meet us halfway. When I caught him in my arms in a hug, I knew at once that he had grown taller and lost weight. And when I let him go and held him at arm's length to look at him, I saw both shame and defeat in his eyes. "Welcome home," I told him, but he only gave a rueful shrug.
"I've come home with my tail between my legs," he confessed, and then dropped down to hug Nighteyes. "He's gone all to bone!" Hap exclaimed in dismay.
"He was sick for a while, but he's on the mend now," I told him. I tried to make my voice hearty and ignore the jolt of worry I felt. "The same could be said of you," I added. "There's meat on the platter and bread on the board. Come eat, and then you can tell us how you fared out in the wide world."
"I can tell you now as we go, in few words," he returned as we trudged back to — the cabin. His voice was deep as a man's and the bitterness was a man's, also. "Not well. The harvest was good, but wherever I went, I was last hired, for always they wanted to hire their cousin first, or their cousin's friends. Always I was the stranger, put to the dirtiest and heaviest of the labor. I worked like a man, Tom, but they paid me like a mouse, with crumbs and cut coins. And they were suspicious of me, too. They didn't want me sleeping within their barns, no, nor talking to their daughters. And between jobs, well, I iiad to eat, and all cost far more than I thought it should. I've come home with only a handful more of coins than when I left. I was a fool to leave. I would have done as well to stay home and sell chickens and salt fish."
The hard words rattled out of him. I said nothing, but let him get all of them said. By then we were at the door. He doused his head in the water barrel I had filled for the garden while I went inside to set out food on the table. He came into the cabin, and as he glanced around, I knew without his saying it that it had grown smaller in his eyes. "It's good to be home," he said. And in the next breath, he went on, "But I don't know what I'm going to do for an apprentice fee. Hire out another year, I suppose. But by then, some might think me too old to learn well. Already one man I met on the road told me that he had never met a master craftsman who hadn't begun his training before he was twelve. Is that honey?"
"It is." I put the pot on the table with the bread and the cold meat, and Hap fell to as if he had not eaten for days. I made tea for us, and then sat across the table from my boy, watching him eat. Ravenous as he was, he still fed bits of his meat to the wolf beside his chair. And Nighteyes ate, not with appetite, but both to please the boy and for the sake of sharing meat with a pack member. When the fowl was down to bones with not even enough meat left to make soup, he sat back in his chair with a sigh. Then he leaned forward abruptly, his eager fingers tracing the charging buck on the tabletop. "This is beautiful! When did you learn to carve like this?"
"I didn't. An old friend came by and spent part of his visit decorating the cabin." I smiled to myself. "When you've a moment, take a look at the rain barrel."
"An old friend? I didn't think you had any save Star-ling."
He did not mean the observation to sting, but it did. His fingers traced again the emblem. Once, FitzChivalry Farseer had worn that charging buck as an embroidered crest. "Oh, I've a few. I just don't hear from them often."
"Ah. What about new friends? Did Jinna stop in on her way to Buckkeep?"
"She did. She left us a charm to make our garden grow better, as thanks for a night's shelter."
He gave me a sideways glance. "She stayed the night, then. She's nice, isn't she?"
"Yes, she is." He waited for me to say more but I refused. He ducked his head and tried to smother a grin in his hand. I reached across the table and cuffed him affectionately. He fended off the mock blow, then suddenly caught my hand in his. His grin ran away from his face to be replaced by anxiety. "Tom, Tom, what am I going to do? I thought it would be easy and it wasn't. And I was willing to work hard for a fair wage, and I was civil and put in a fair day, and still they all treated me poorly. What am I going to do? I can't live here at the edge of nowhere for all my life. I can't!"
"No. You can't." And in that moment I perceived two things. First, that my isolated lifestyle had ill prepared the boy to make his own way, and second, that this was what Chade must have felt when I had declared that I would not be an assassin anymore. It is strange to think that when you gave a boy what you thought was the best of yourself you actually crippled him. His frantic glance left me feeling small and shamed. I should have done better by him. I would do better by him. I heard myself speak the words before I even knew I had thought them. "I do have old friends at Buckkeep. I can borrow the money for your apprenticeship fee." My heart lurched at the thought of what form the interest on such a loan might take, but I steeled myself. I would go to Chade first, and if what he asked of me in return was too dear, I would seek out the Fool. It would not be easy to humbly ask to borrow money, but
"You'd do that? For me? But I'm not even really your son." Hap looked incredulous.
I gripped his hand. "I would do that. Because you're as close to a son as I'm ever likely to get."
"I'll help you pay the debt, I swear."
"No you won't. It will be my debt, taken on freely. I'll expect you to pay close attention to your master and devote yourself to learning your trade well."
"I will, Tom, I will. And I swear, in your old age, you shall lack for nothing." He spoke the words with the devout ardency of guileless youth. I took them as he intended them, and ignored the glowing amusement in Nighteyes' gaze.
See how edifying it is when someone sees you as tottering toward death? never said you were at your grave's edge.
No. You just treat me as if I were brittle as old chicken bones.
Aren't you?
No. My strength returns. Wait for the falling of the leaves and cooler weather. I'll be able to walk you until you drop. Just as I always have.
But what if I have to journey before then?
The wolf lowered his head to his outstretched forepaws with a sigh. And what if you jump for a buck's throat and miss? There's no point to worrying about it until it happens.
"Are you thinking what I am?" Hap anxiously broke the seeming silence of the room.
I met his worried gaze. "Perhaps. What were you thinking?"
He spoke hesitantly. "That the sooner you speak to your friends at Buckkeep, the sooner we will know what to expect for the winter."
I replied slowly. "Another winter here would not suit you, would it?"
"No." His natural honesty made him reply quickly. Then he softened it with, "It isn't that I don't like it here with you and Nighteyes. It's just that…" He floundered for a moment. "Have you ever felt as if you could actually feel time flowing away from you? As if life were passing you byand you were caught in a backwater with the dead fish and old sticks?"
You can be the dead fish. I'll be the old stick. I ignored Nighteyes. "I seem to recall I've had such a feeling, a time or two." I glanced at Verity's incomplete map of the Six Duchies. I let out my breath and tried not to make it a sigh. "I'll set out as soon as possible."
"I could be ready by tomorrow morning. A good night's sleep and I'll be»
"No." I cut him off firmly but kindly. I started to say that the people I must see, I must see alone. I caught myself before I could leave him wondering. Instead, I tipped a nod toward Nighteyes. "There are things here that will want looking after while I am gone. I leave them in your care."
Instantly he looked crestfallen, but to his credit he took a breath, squared his shoulders, and nodded.
Beside the table, Nighteyes rolled to his side, and then onto his back. Here's the dead wolf. Might as well bury him, all he's fit for is to lie about in a dusty yard and watch chickens he's not permitted to kill. He paddled his paws vaguely at the air. Idiot. The chickens are why I'm asking the boy to stay, not you.
Oh? So, if you woke up tomorrow and they were all dead, there would be no reason we could not set out together? You had better not, I warned him. He opened his mouth and let his tongue hang to one side. The boy smiled down at him fondly. "I always think he looks as if he's laughing when he does that,"
I didn't leave the next morning. I was up long before the boy was. I pulled out my good clothes, musty from dis-use, and hung them out to air. The linen of the shirt had yellowed with age. It had been a gift from Starling, long ago. I think I had worn it once on the day she gave it to me. I looked at it ruefully, thinking that it would appall Chade and amuse the Fool. Well, like so many other things, it could not be helped.
There was also a box, built years ago and stored up in the rafters of my workshop. I wrestled it down, and opened it. Despite the oily rags that had wrapped it, Verity's sword was tarnished with disuse. I put on the belt and scabbard, noting that I'd have to punch a new notch in the belt for it to hang comfortably. I sucked in a breath and buckled it as it was. I wiped an oily rag down the blade, and then sheathed the sword at my hip. When I drew it, it weighed heavy in my hand, yet balanced as beautifully as ever. I debated the wisdom of wearing it. I'd feel a fool if someone recognized it and asked difficult questions. I would feel even stupider, however, if my throat were cut for lack of a weapon at my side.
I compromised by wrapping the jeweled grip with leather strips. The sheath itself was battered but serviceable. It looked appropriate to my station. I drew it again, and made a lunge, stretching muscles no longer accustomed to that reach. I resumed my stance and made a few cuts at the air.
Amusement. Better take an axe.
I don't have one anymore. Verity himself had given me this sword. But both he and Burrich had advised me that my style of fighting was more suited to the crudity of an axe than this graceful and elegant weapon. I tried another cut at the air. My mind remembered all Hod had taught me, but my body was having difficulty performing the moves.
You chop wood with one.
That's not a battle-axe. I'd look a fool carrying that about with me. I sheathed the sword and turned to look at him.
Nighteyes sat in the doorway of the workshop, his tail neatly curled about his feet. Amusement glinted in his dark eyes. He turned his head to stare innocently into the distance. I think one of the chickens died in the night. Sad. Poor old thing. Death comes for all of us eventually.
He was lying, but he had the satisfaction of seeing me sheathe the sword and hurry to see if it were so. All six of my biddies clucked and dusted themselves in the sun. The JST
rooster, perched on a fencepost, kept a watchful eye onhis wives.
How odd. I would have sworn that fat white hen looked poorly yesterday. I'll just lie out here in the shade and keep an eye on her. He suited his actions to his thought, sprawling in the dappling shade of the birches while staring at the chickens intently. I ignored him and went back into the cabin.
I was boring a new hole in the sword belt when Hap woke up. He came sleepily to the table to watch me. He came awake when his eyes fell on the sword waiting in its sheath. "I've never seen that before." "I've had it for a long time."
"I've never seen you wear it when we went to market. All you ever carried before was your sheath-knife."
"A trip to Buckkeep is a bit different from a trip to market." His question made me look at my own motives for taking the blade. When last I had seen Buckkeep, a number of people there wished me dead. If I encountered any of them and they recognized me, I wanted to be ready. "A city like that has a lot more rogues and scoundrels than a simplecountry market."
I finished boring the new belt notch and tried it on again. Better. I drew the sword and heard Hap's indrawn breath. Even with the handle wrapped in plain leather, there was no mistaking it for a cheap blade. This was a weapon created by a master.
"Can I try it?"
I nodded permission and he picked it up gingerly. He adjusted his grip for the heft of it, and then fell into an awkward imitation of a swordsman's stance. I had never taught Hap to fight. I wondered for an instant if that omission had been a bad decision. I had hoped he would never need the skills of a fighter. But not teaching them to him was no protection against someone challenging him.
Rather like refusing to teach Dutiful about the Skill.
I pushed that thought aside and said nothing as Hap swung the blade at the air. In a few moments he had tired himself. The hard muscles of a farm hand were not what a man used to swing a blade. The endurance to wield such a weapon demanded both training and constant practice. He set it down and looked at me without speaking.
"I'll be leaving for Buckkeep tomorrow morning at dawn. I still need to clean this blade, grease my boots, pack some clothing and food
"And cut your hair," Hap interjected quietly.
"Hm." I crossed the room and took out our small looking glass. Usually, when Starling came to visit me, she cut my hair for me. For a moment I stared at how long it had grown. Then, as I had not in years, I pulled it to the back of my head and fastened it into a warrior's tail. Hap looked at me with his brows raised, but said nothing about myr martial aspect.
Long before dusk, I was ready to travel. I turned my attention to my smallholding. I busied myself and the boy with making sure all would go well for him while I was gone. By the time we sat down to our evening meal, we were ahead on every chore I could think of. He promised he would keep the garden watered and harvest the rest of the peas. He would split the last of the firewood and stack it. I caught myself telling him things he knew, things he had known for years, and finally stopped my tongue. He smiled at my concerns.
"I survived on my own out on the roads, Tom. I'll be fine here at home. I only wish I were going with you."
"If all works out, when I return, we will make a trip to Buckkeep together."
Nighteyes sat up abruptly, pricking his ears. Horses.
I went to the door with the wolf at my side. A few moments later, the hoofbeats reached my ears. The animals were coming at a steady trot. I stepped to where I could see around the bend in our narrow lane, and glimpsed the horseman. It was not, as I had hoped, the Fool. This was a stranger. He rode a rangy roan horse and led another. Dust mottled the sweat streaks on his horse's withers. As I watched them come, a sense of foreboding rose in me. The JBS wolf shared my trepidation. His hackles bristled down his spine and the deep growl that rose from him brought Hap to the door as well. "What is it?"
"I'm not sure. But it's no random wanderer or peddler."
At the sight of me, the stranger reined in his horse. He lifted a hand in greeting, then came forward more slowly. I saw both horses prick their ears at the scent of the wolf, and felt their anxiety as well as their eagerness for the water they could also smell.
"Are you lost, stranger?" I greeted the man from a safe distance.
He made no reply but rode closer to us. The wolf's growl reached a crescendo. The rider seemed unaware of the rising warning.
Wait, I bade him.
We stood our ground as the man rode closer. The horse he led was saddled and bridled. I wondered if he had lost a companion, or stolen it from someone.
"That's close enough," I warned him suddenly. "What do you seek here?"
He had been watching me intently. He did not pause at my words, but made a gesture at first his ears, and then his mouth as he rode closer. I held out a hand. "Stop there," I warned him, and he understood my motion and obeyed it. Without dismounting, he reached into a messenger's pouch that was slung across his chest. He drew out a scroll and proffered it to me.
Stay ready, I warned Nighteyes as I stepped forward to take it. Then I recognized the seal on it. In thick red wax, my own charging buck was imprinted. A different sort of trepidation swept through me. I stared at the missive in my hand, then with a gesture gave the deaf-mute permission to dismount. I took a breath and spoke to Hap with a steady voice. "Take him inside and provide him food and drink. The same for his horses. Please."
And to Nighteyes, Keep an eye an him, my brother, while I see what this scroll says.
Nighteyes ceased his rumbling growl at my thought, but followed the messenger very closely as a puzzled Hap gestured him toward our cabin. The weary horses stood where he had left them. A few moments later, Hap emerged to lead them off to water. Alone I stood in the dooryard and stared at the coiled scroll in my hand. I broke the seal at last and studied Chade's slanting letters in the fading daylight.
Dear Cousin, Family matters at home require your attention. Do not delay your return. You know I would not summon you thus unless the need was urgent.
The signature that followed this brief missive was indecipherable. It was not Chade's name. The real message had been in the seal itself. He never would have used it unless the need was urgent. I rerolled the scroll and looked up toward the sinking sun.
When I entered the house, the messenger stood up immediately. Still chewing, he wiped his mouth on the back of his hand, and indicated he was ready to leave at once. I suspected his orders from Chade had been very specific. There was no time to lose in sleep or rest for man or beast. I gestured him back to his food. I was glad my rucksack was already packed.
"I unsaddled the horses and wiped them down a bit," Hap told me as he came in the door. "They look as if they've come a long way today."
I took a breath. "Put their saddles back on. As soon as our friend has eaten, we'll be leaving."
For a moment, the boy was thunderstruck. Then he asked in a small voice, "Where are you going?"
I tried to make my smile convincing. "Buckkeep, lad.
And faster than I expected." I considered the matter. There was no way to estimate when I might be back. Or even if I would come back. A missive like this from Chade would definitely mean danger of some kind. I was amazed at how easily I decided. "I want you and the wolf to follow at first light. Use the pony and cart, so if he gets weary, he can ride."
Hap stared at me as if I had gone mad. "What about the chickens? And the chores was to do while you were gone?"
"The chickens will have to fend for themselves. No. They wouldn't last a week before a weasel had them. Take them to Baylor. He'll feed and watch them for the sake of their eggs. Take a day or so, and close the house up tight. We may both be gone a while." I turned away from the incomprehension on Hap's face.
"But…" The fear in his voice made me turn back to him. He stared at me as if I were suddenly a stranger. "Where should I go when I get to Buckkeep Town? Will you meet me there?" I heard an echo of the abandoned boy in his voice.
I reached back in my memory fifteen years and tried to summon up the name of a decent inn. Before I could dredge one out, he hopefully put in, "I know where Jinna and her niece live. Jinna said I could find her there, when next I came to Buckkeep. Her house has a hedge-witch sign on it, a hand with lines on the palm. I could meet you there."
"That will be it, then."
Relief showed on his face. He knew where he was going. I was glad he had that security. I myself did not. But despite all my uneasiness, a strange elation filled me. Chade's old spell fell over me again. Secrets and adventures. I felt the wolf nudge against me.
A time of change. Then, gruffly: I could try to keep pace with the horses. Buckkeep is not so far.
I do not know what this means, my brother. And until I do, I would just as soon that you stayed by Hap's side.
Is that supposed to salve my pride?
No. It's supposed to ease my fears.
I will bring him safely to Buckkeep Town, then. But after that, I am at your side.
Of course. Always.
Before the sun kissed the horizon good night, I was mounted on the nondescript gray horse. Verity's disguised sword hung at my hip, and my pack was fastened tightly to the back of my saddle. I followed my silent companion as he hastened us down the road to Buckkeep.