"Hey, Jimmy Dick." Bubba sidled up to the bar and waited for Jimmy to order him a beer. It was Thursday and Bubba was broke. "You hear about the horrible way the school treated preacher Wiley's kid?"
"No. What happened?"
"He was up there giving his Indian arrow presentation and they flat kicked him out in street 'cause he said he believed in science."
"Bubba?" Jimmy said, waving two fingers at the bartender, "You'll believe anything, won't you?"
"Whata' ya mean, Jimmy?"
"You heard Will's side of the tale and swallowed it whole. You didn't bother to find out the other side or to even think that there might be one. I bet ya' this is just another huha Wiley's brat is stirring up."
"Well hell, Jimmy. How am I supposed to know what the truth is?"
"Bubba, let me tell you story. I had a dream I had last night. In my dream I heard a voice-
"'Docket number 659,656 being an alleged violation of the protocol compact limiting direct intervention in the affairs of the worlds of men by gods.'
"'Now comes Tyr speaking for the complainant Odin and all others, before the supreme council of all the gods.'"
"Hey, Jimmy? I know who Odin is. He's Thor's sidekick in Super Hero's, but who's Tire?"
"Other way around, Bubba. Thor is Odin's sidekick. Tyr is a god just like Thor, another sidekick of Odin's. Thor was famous for his hammer, Tyr was famous for always telling the truth. He got his hand bitten off by a wolf while he was saving the world."
"You sure about that, Jimmy?"
"Yeah, I'm sure about that. Now can I tell the story?"
"Sure, Jimmy."
"'Well,' Tyr said, 'Most gracious judge, for nearly two thousand years, ever since the Roman Christians brought the Semitic god, Jehovah-'"
"Roman Christians? You mean Catholics, Jimmy?"
Jimmy sighed. "Yeah, Bubba. I mean Catholics. Now can I tell the story?"
"Oh, sure, Jimmy. Sorry."
"'Ever since the Roman Christians brought the Semitic god Jehovah into the lands of the Germans-'"
"Semitic? You mean like in anti-Jewish?"
"Bubba, have I ever told you you're dumber than a box of rocks?" a frustrated Jimmy Dick asked.
"Yeah. But does that mean Semitic means anti-Jewish or not?"
" Huuuuuh. Semitic mostly means Jewish. It doesn't mean anti-Jewish unless you say anti-Semitic. You got that?"
"Sure, Jimmy. I was just wondering."
"Now can I tell you this story or not?"
"I'm listening."
"'Ever since the Roman Christians brought the Semitic god, Jehovah, into the lands of the Germans, we have bided our time without having farther disturbed this council once you ruled that the saints were not gods nor were they avatars and therefore what they did in the world could not be considered a violation of the compact of non-interference. We have watched their direct intervention in the world of men, an absolute violation of the compact if it were done by a god, and-save for the complaint that the saints were being prayed to as gods and not just petitioned as venerable ancestors, a claim supported by the accusation of the reformed Christian priests against the Roman Christians-we have said nothing.'"
Ken put two cold bottles down in front of them. Jimmy grabbed them both.
"Hey, I thought you were gonna buy me a beer," Bubba said.
"I thought you were going to listen to a story?"
Bubba started to say something and stopped. He got the message. Jimmy slid the bottle over to his captive audience and continued the tale.
"'We have wept at the abuses fostered on our peoples at the hands of their priests. And though we have often contemplated doing so, we have not bothered this council with that compliant. Nay, we have said nothing.'
"'We have watched in silence while they have destroyed our holy places on every high hill, their believers being stronger than ours, because they had the aid and succor of the saints. And we have said nothing.'
"'We have said nothing while the mother of their god has appeared to every shepherd girl in Europe making and fulfilling promises that are a direct violation of the compact. But we have said nothing, for even the mother of their god is protected as a saint.'"
Bubba started to ask a question. Jimmy looked at the beer and Bubba shut up.
"'We have watched their priests steal our customs and our holidays. We have watched as they changed the names of the high, holy days, perverted the meanings of the observances and the symbols and not given credit where it was due for their origin even though they have nothing to do with the history or customs of the Semitic faith. And we have said nothing.'
"'We have waited in peace for their influence to fade so we could reclaim our territorial rights.'
"'But this is too much. The Semite has moved a village from half the world away and from four hundred years out of time into the middle of Germany. Even if it were the work of a saint, which it is not, any saint that can do that surely must be considered a god and must be under the ban of non-interference.'
"'We submit that this council is obliged to require the Semite to return the town to its proper place and time. We farther feel that it is only fitting, in light of this clear and flagrant violation of the compact, that the Semite's saints be barred from the farther usurpation of the duties of gods and that for a period of at least three hundred years we, the true gods of the Germanies, be allowed to commune directly with our few remaining believers and aid them directly in overcoming this gross invasion. I thank the most gracious judge for hearing our petition.'
"'Now comes the saint Elijah speaking for the defendant Jehovah in each of his three forms.'"
Finally it was more than Bubba could take. He had a question he just could not hold in. "You mean Elijah, like in the bible? I thought you were talking about a made-up Jewish god. I didn't know you meant God. This ain't funny, Jimmy."
"Bubba, do you want to drink my beer or not?"
Bubba shut up by sticking the rim of the bottle to his lips and lifting the bottom high.
"'Well,' Elijah said, 'Most gracious judge, once again we are forced to answer the whining snivels of Oden from his grave in Valhalla. My god has abided by the compact that he asked for in the days of the Babylonian exile when his, his and her chosen people asked that he end the oracles of other gods. To do so he, has given up the giving of prophecies and direct appearances and assistance, even to the bother of his becoming a man to teach as a man and to die as a man. It was a wise choice that has stopped much destructive warfare between the gods.'
"'I have checked with my god, and neither he, nor he, nor she had anything in the least to do with the anachronistic appearance of Grantville in the 1600s. It is a clear violation of the compact. We agree. Something should be done. But it was not done by my god.'"
"Tyr, waving the empty stump where his hand was bitten off, called out from the bar, 'Your high priest in Rome and your high priest in Moscow say your god has done this thing!'
"'My good god Tyr,' Elijah responded, 'surely you of all beings know, priests lie!'
"'If your god did not do this then who did?' Tyr demanded.
"'Our best guess is that it was an act of Science.'
"'Shit!' screamed Tyr, 'Science again? Gracious judge, something must be done!'
"Buddha, whose turn it was this eon to sit in the seat of the judge and be chair-deity of the council spoke. 'i AM AFRAID, TYR, THAT science IS NOT SIGNATORY TO THE COMPACT AND DOES NOT RECOGNIZE THE AUTHORITY OF THIS COUNCIL.'"
Bubba had the bottom of his beer bottle between his face and the ceiling until it was dry. He set the empty down on the bar. "What's all that supposed to mean, Jimmy?"
Jimmy sighed. "I think it means we need another couple of beers down here."