"Mousy," agreed another.
"Nondescript. Utterly nondescript," said the third, proving she did have room in her head for a three-syllable word: two of them, even.
And the words flayed like fire. Cindy, Claudia, and Tyra weren't even contemptuous. It was as if Andromeda didn't rate contempt. That was their power; just by existing, they made everyone around them feel inadequate. Zeus wanted me, Andromeda thought, trying to stay strong. But what did that prove? Zeus wanted anything that moved, and, if it didn't move, he'd give it an experimental shake.
Andromeda felt like curling up on the beach and dying right there. If she put the shield up over her, maybe it would keep her from hearing any more of the Gorgons' cruel words. The shield…!
With a fierce cry of her own, Andromeda held it up to them. Instead of continuing their sinuous advance, they fell back with cries of horror. Peering down over the edge of the shield, Andromeda got a quick glimpse of their reflections. The shield had given her and Victoria bad hair. It was far more pitiless to Cindy, Claudia, and Tyra, perhaps because they had further to fall from the heights of haute couture. Whatever the reason, the three Gorgons' hair might as well have turned to snakes once the shield had its way with them.
"Plain," Andromeda murmured. "Mousy. Nondescript. Utterly nondescript."
How the Gorgons howled! They fell to their knees in the sand and bowed their heads, trying to drive out those images of imperfection.
Still holding the shield on high, Andromeda drew her sword. She could have taken their heads at a stroke, but something stayed her hand. It wasn't quite mercy: more the reflection that they'd probably already given a good deal of head to get where they were.
Roughly, she said, "Stay away from Olympus from now on, if you know what's good for you. You ever come near there again, worse'll be waiting for you." She didn't know if that was true, but it would be if Hera could make it so.
"But where shall we go?" one of them asked in a small, broken voice. "What shall we do?"
"Try Sports Illustrated," Andromeda suggested, "though gods only know what sport you'd be illustrating."
"Been there," one said. Andromeda had no idea which was which, and didn't care to find out. The other two chorused, "Done that."
"Find something else, then," Andromeda said impatiently. "I don't care what, as long as it's not in Zeus' back yard." And mine, she thought. Thinking that, she started to turn the terrible shield on them again and added, "Or else."
Cindy, Claudia, and Tyra cringed. If they weren't convinced now, they never would be, Andromeda judged. She jumped into the air and flew off. That way, she didn't have to look at them any more, didn't have to be reminded that they didn't really look the way Hera's shield made them seem to. Plain. Mousy. Nondescript. Utterly nondescript. Her hand went to the hilt of the sword. Maybe I should have done a little slaughtering after all. But she kept flying.
She took the scenic route home-after all, when would she be able to talk Hermes out of his sandals again? She saw Scylla and Charybdis, there by the toe of the Italian boot, and they were as horrible as advertised. She flew over the Pyramids of Egypt. Next door, the Sphinx tried his riddle on her. "Oh, everybody knows that one," Andromeda said, and listened to him gnash his stone teeth.
She admired the lighthouse at Alexandria. It would be very impressive when they got around to building it-and when there was an Alexandria. Then she started north across the wine-dark sea toward Greece.
When she got to the coast near Argos, she saw a naked man chained to the rocks just above the waves. He was a lot more interesting than anything else she'd seen for a while-and the closer she got, the more interesting he looked. By the time she was hovering a few feet in front of him, he looked mighty damn fine indeed, you betcha. "I know it's the obvious question," she said, "but what are you doing here?"
"Waiting to be eaten," he answered.
"Listen, garbagemouth, has it occurred to you that if I slap you silly, you can't do thing one about it?" Andromeda said indignantly. "Has it?"
"No, by a sea serpent," he explained.
"Oh. Well, no accounting for taste, I suppose," she said, thinking of Pasiphae and the bull. Then she realized he meant it literally. "How did that happen?" Another obvious question. "And who are you, anyway?"
"I'm Perseus," he said. "My grandfather, Acrisius, is King of Argos. There's a prophecy that if my mother had a son, he'd end up killing Gramps. So Mom was grounded for life, but Zeus visited her in a shower of gold, and here I am."
"And on display, too," Andromeda remarked. Zeus had been catching Hades from Hera ever since, too-Andromeda remembered the snide Mr. Shower-of-Gold. But that was neither here nor there, and Perseus was definitely here. "The sea serpent will take your granddad off the hook for doing you in?"
"You got it," Perseus agreed.
"Ah… what about the chains? Doesn't he think those might have something to do with him?"
Perseus shrugged. Andromeda admired pecs and abs. The chains clanked. "He's not real long on ethics, Acrisius isn't."
"If you get loose, you'll do your best to make the prophecy come true?" Andromeda asked.
Another shrug. More clanks. More admiration from Andromeda. Perseus said, "Well, I've sure got a motive now, and I didn't before. But I'm not in a hurry about it. Omens have a way of working out, you know? I mean, would you be here to set me free if I weren't fated to do Gramps in one of these years?"
"I'm not here to set you free," Andromeda said. "I just stopped by for a minute to enjoy the scenery, and-"
Perseus pointed. He didn't do it very well-he was chained, after all-but he managed. "Excuse me for interrupting," he said, "but the sea serpent's coming."
Andromeda whirled in the air. "Eep!" she said. Perseus hadn't been wrong. The monster was huge. It was fast. It was hideous. It was wet (which made sense, it being a sea serpent). It had an alarmingly big mouth full of a frighteningly large number of terrifyingly sharp teeth. Andromeda could have rearranged those adverbs any which way and they still would have added up to the same thing. Trouble. Big trouble.
She could also have flown away. She glanced back at Perseus and shook her head. That would have been a waste of a great natural resource. And, no matter what Hera had to say about it, Zeus wouldn't be overjoyed if she left his bastard son out for sea-serpent fast food.
She drew her sword-Zeus' sword-and flew toward the monster. One way or another, this story was going to get some blood in it. Or maybe not. She held up Hera's mirrored shield, right in the sea serpent's face. It might figure it was having a bad scales day and go away.
But no such luck. Maybe the shield didn't work because the sea serpent had no hair. Maybe the serpent had already maxed out its ugly account. Or maybe it was too stupid to notice anything had changed. Andromeda shook her head again. If Cindy, Claudia, and Tyra had noticed, the sea serpent would have to.
No help for it. Sometimes, as Zeus had said, a sword was just a sword. Andromeda swung this one. It turned out to cut sea serpent a lot better than her very best kitchen knife cut roast goose. Chunk after reptilian chunk fell away from the main mass of the monster. The Aegean turned red. The sea serpent really might have been dumber than the Gorgons, because it took a very long time to realize it was dead. Eventually, though, enough of the head end was missing that it forgot to go on living and sank beneath the waves. If the sharks and the dolphins didn't have a food fight with the scraps, they missed a hell of a chance.
Chlamys soaked with seawater and sea-serpent gore, Andromeda flew back toward Perseus. "I would applaud," he said, "but under the circumstances…" He rattled his chains to show what he meant. "That was very exciting."
Andromeda looked him over. He meant it literally. She could tell. She giggled. Greek statues always underestimated things. Quite a bit, here. She giggled again. Sometimes a sword wasn't just a sword.
She looked up toward the top of the rocks. Nobody was watching; maybe Acrisius' conscience, however vestigial, bothered him too much for that. She could do whatever she pleased. Perseus couldn't do anything about it, that was plain enough. Andromeda giggled once more. She flew a little lower and a lot closer.
Perseus gasped. Andromeda pulled back a bit and glanced up at him, eyes full of mischief. "You said you were here to be eaten," she pointed out.
"By a sea serpent!"
"If you don't think this is more fun…" Her shrug was petulant. But, when you got down to the bottom of things, what Perseus thought didn't matter a bit. She went back to what she'd been doing. After a little while, she decided to do something else. She hiked up the clammy chlamys and did it. Though she hadn't suspected it till now, there were times when the general draftiness of Greek clothes and lack of an underwear department at the Athens K-Mart came in kind of handy. Up against the side of a cliff, winged sandals didn't hurt, either. A good time was had by all.
Afterwards, still panting, Perseus said, "Now that you've ravished me, you realize you'll have to marry me."
Andromeda stretched languorously. A very good time had been had by all, or at least by her. She wished for a cigarette, and wished even more she knew what one was. "That can probably be arranged," she purred.
"First, though, you'll have to get me off," Perseus said.
She squawked. "Listen, mister, if I didn't just take care of that-"
"No, off this cliff," he said.
"Oh." Andromeda dipped her head in agreement. "Well, that can probably be arranged, too." She drew the sword again and swung it. It sheared through the metal that imprisoned Perseus like a divine sword cutting cheap bronze chains. After four strokes-considerably fewer than he'd been good for-he fell forward and down. They caught each other in midair. Hermes' sandals were strong enough to carry two. Andromeda had figured they would be. She and Perseus rose together.
After topping the rocks, they flew north toward Argos. Perseus said, "Can I borrow your sword for a minute?"
"Why?" Andromeda looked at him sidelong. "I like the one you come equipped with."