As he stepped out the servant’s door beside the kitchen of Lady Sade’s manor house, the midday sun glared in Lorenzo’s eyes and he quickly set his wide-brimmed hat on his head. He couldn’t be certain whether the air would be warm or cool to a local, but to him it was rapidly becoming uncomfortably sultry. With a glance at his surroundings so he could be sure to find his way back, the hidalgo set out down the quiet back street that ran behind several large estates.
“Enzo!”
He stopped short and turned. Qhora stood in the doorway he had just left. She was wearing the purple dress he had given her, the light cotton one with the high collar. And for once, her feathered cloak looked almost fitting over her Espani clothing.
“My lady?”
She walked up to him with a stern squint, but he could not tell whether her look indicated her mood or merely that the sun was in her eyes. “Where are you going?”
Lorenzo said, “The cook told me about a butcher shop a few blocks away. This butcher has a meat locker that I’d like to see.”
“You’re running errands for Lady Sade’s cook?” Qhora moved around him to stand in his shadow and once in the shade her expression softened considerably. “Or is this how you intend to explore the culture and hospitality of our hosts? By touring their butcher shops?”
“It’s just a curiosity. The meat locker is walled with ice, which they keep cold with some sort of machine.”
A look of understanding passed over her eyes and Lorenzo’s chest tightened as he prepared for the inevitable lecture. But instead she said, “You want to be somewhere cold. Can I come with you?”
“You’d be bored. I’m just going to pray. I’ll be back soon.”
“Praying in meat lockers.” She stared into his eyes for a moment. “Can anyone see these ghosts of yours, or only the Espani?”
“Anyone, I suppose. But only in the cold and in the dark. Ghosts are fragile things. Too much light and heat makes the aether fade apart into the air.”
“And if I come with you now, will I see her? Will I see Ariel?”
It struck him then for the first time that in all the long months together in Espana and the several times he had spent long evenings with Ariel, Qhora had never seen the lingering revenant. Indeed, she had never seen any ghosts. Probably because she never strays from the fire, never goes walking at night. “If she comes, you will see her. Do you want to see her?”
“Yes. I want to understand why she has this hold over you.”
She doesn’t believe me at all. She thinks I’m delusional. She wants to bring this to a head, to have a final fight, to force me back into being the person I was when we first met. Lorenzo glanced around the quiet alleyway for some sign, some inspiration, some help. There was none, and he stammered, “I’ve tried to tell you. She has no hold on me, not in the way that you mean. She’s just showed me the story of her life, images and feelings, her memories. And it’s made me see my own life in a very different way, a way I’m not proud of.”
Qhora started to object but he plowed on, the words tumbling out almost faster than he could think of them. “Ariel lived a pure life, the life of a nun devoted to charity and compassion. She fed the hungry, clothed the poor, tended the sick, and ministered to thieves and killers. She lived without fear, without sin, without doubt. She walked the righteous path. She did all the things the priests tell us to do but no one actually does. Ariel has shown me that holiness and purity aren’t just words. They’re real. And I am so far from them, so far below them. And it wasn’t just her charitable works. She wrote sermons and letters and hymns. She taught children to read. She studied the heavens themselves with some sort of telescope given to her by the king himself. One night she saw a falling star and she mapped where it was and led an expedition to find it. The skyfire stone, she called it. She never found it, but the point is that she tried. She did all these things for other people, all these selfless and noble things, all in the name of God, and what have I done with my life? What? Killed men? Taught other men to kill men?”
There was pain in Qhora’s eyes, but there was iron there too as she said, “Take me with you. Let me meet her.”
If Ariel had been a living woman, Lorenzo would have feared for her safety as he heard the hard resolve in the princess’s voice. He swallowed and asked, “Why?”
Qhora took his hand. Her skin was rough and dry, but warm. She said, “You are the finest man I have ever met. Brave and noble, dedicated and loyal, skilled and strong. But if that isn’t enough for you anymore, if this ghost has given you a reason to turn your back on everything you once cared about, then I want to meet her. If Ariel is so important to you, then she is important to me as well, my love. It is past time that I met her.”
“Here? Now?”
“Here. Now.”
He thought there was probably more to say at that moment before they went any farther, but he didn’t want to fight and a part of him really did want Qhora to see Ariel, to put the two of them together face to face, especially if it meant he would no longer be standing directly between their competing needs, if only for a moment or two. So he nodded and led the way down the street.
They passed dozens of men and women, most carrying baskets of food or laundry, and some leading mules laden with more of the same. Servants filtered quietly in and out of the rear doors of the proud houses on the right while elderly couples lingered on the dusty stoops of the old rowhouses on the left. Lorenzo felt their eyes on him, on his clothes, on his pale skin. He would have hurried past them all, but Qhora’s short legs kept him plodding along far slower than he would have liked.
After a quarter hour of crossing side streets and studying Mazigh street signs, they found the butcher’s shop. The butcher was not very busy and when his last customer had been served he listened to Lorenzo’s request with a confused frown twisting the whole bottom half of his face down. But he shrugged and pointed them down a short hall and then down a spiral stair to a heavy door. The metal handle on the door was cold, so cold it stung Lorenzo’s bare fingers.
Inside they found a storage room ten feet wide and twenty feet deep. The walls glistened black and silver where the blocks of ice had been stacked floor to ceiling and the moment they stepped inside their breath curled and floated in a pale vapor around their lips. A dozen huge carcasses hung from hooks in the ceiling and the racks along the walls held a variety of sport fish and exotic game birds from countries far to the east and south. Lorenzo thought he recognized a feather here or a fin there, but no names came to mind.
There was nowhere to sit except the stone floor, which was stained over and over again with the bits of flesh and blood that had fallen from the meat. Lorenzo led Qhora to the back corner where there was some space between the hanging carcasses and the wall. And they stood there.
The cold was invigorating. It stung his lips and wind pipe and lungs. It sharpened his vision even as it slowed his pulse. A thousand fragments of childhood memories crashed against his waking mind: a toy dropped in the snow, sledge tracks by the river, icicles on the cathedral roof, snowflakes on his gloves and sleeves, sliding down a hill, and the warm embrace of the fire when he came back inside the house.
Lorenzo exhaled slowly, focusing on the spiraling wisps of vapor under his nose. He knew they wouldn’t be able to stay long down here. Qhora had buried her hands in her armpits and was pressing her lips together tightly, trying not shiver.
He closed his eyes and turned his thoughts to the divine, to the existence and purpose of the soul, to the meaning of righteousness, to sacrifice, to duty, to balance and purpose and purity and every other high-minded word he had ever heard an entire sermon about.
“Enzo?” Qhora’s whisper shuddered through her trembling lips.
He opened his eyes.
Dona Ariella Espinoza de Cordoba stood beside them. The ghost was as insubstantial as smoke, yet every detail of her serene face and centuries-old dress was sharp and distinct. She appeared, as always, a plain-faced woman of middle age, short but straight-backed, with thin humorless lips but wide smiling eyes. It was a face that could comfort even as it disapproved. Lorenzo glanced from the dead nun to the living woman beside him.
Qhora studied the ghost impassively without a trace of fear of surprise on her face. “Hello, Sister Ariel. It’s very nice to meet you.” If her voice wavered, it was only a tremor from the cold of the meat locker.
“Hello, Lady Qhora. Hello, Lorenzo.” The ghost’s whisper cut the air like a razor.
“Sister.” Lorenzo bowed his head.
“You’ve chosen a strange place to pray.” A hint of a smile played at the corner of the dead nun’s mouth as her gaze swept the room and its contents. “But strange times may call for strange places, I suppose. You looked troubled, Lorenzo. You think we’re going to have a fight, don’t you? Lady Qhora and I?”
Lorenzo shrugged. “I don’t know what to think. I don’t know what to say. That’s why I came here today. I had to see you, to ask your guidance again.”
“Oh, you poor boy. There’s nothing I could say that I haven’t already said a dozen times before.”
“I just…I just feel so lost. So torn.” He swallowed and stole a look at Qhora. “I know I have to give up so many worldly things to follow in your footsteps, but my heart doesn’t want to. I don’t want to live without Qhora. And I don’t know how to live except by fencing. It’s all I know, all I’m good at. I know I’m just being afraid and selfish and weak, but…”
“Hush, Lorenzo.” Ariel turned to Qhora. “My Lady, I’m sorry it has taken so long for us to meet, but circumstances do not allow me to come and go as I once did.”
“I suppose not,” Qhora said. A shiver ran through her and she recrossed her arms. “I really didn’t think I would see…you. A ghost, I mean.”
“I know you didn’t. But Lorenzo is as sane as everyone else in our country. The souls of the dead may only be seen in the deep cold and only by a cold light. Even then, the soul must come and make itself seen, and even then, the witness must be willing to see it. I imagine that ghosts are seen throughout the northern world, but only where the people have an understanding of the afterlife.” Ariel clasped her silvery hands in front of her. “But I don’t want to keep you two down here in this place any longer than needs be. Lorenzo?”
“Yes, Sister?”
“I will say this as plainly as I can.” The serious little line of her mouth softened with the appearance of lips, and her eyes suddenly looked quite old and tired. “I was not the paragon of virtue that you think I was. I performed good works and I served the church as I was instructed, but always with fear and doubt. I respected the Mother’s commandments to preserve life, but as a nun I never created any life myself. In fact, I never really cared for children. So much noise, so much dirt, so much worry. I respected the Son’s commandments to show compassion and mercy, but as a nun I was almost as penniless and lonely as the beggars I cared for. It took little effort to pity them as I pitied myself. But worst of all, I did not respect the Father’s commandments to observe the law and seek justice. I sheltered all manners of criminals, knowing full well what they were, and I sent the police away. I think I was too afraid of the criminals. It was just easier to look the other way, to not get involved. I sacrificed justice to keep my house quiet. I chose the easy road.”
Lorenzo stared at her, frowning, wanting to interrupt, wanting to correct her and to argue with her, but he was lost for words. Slowly, the thought formed in his mind: If she could live such a holy life and still be so far from grace, what chance do I have? He glanced around for a few moments until the queasiness in his stomach died down and he said, “What does that mean for me?”
“It means, poor Lorenzo, that you still have the potential to live a life that is far better than mine ever was.”
He blinked. “How is that possible?”
Ariel nodded at Qhora. “Marry your beloved and have children. God is a creator and sustainer of life. Having children is pleasing to the Mother, especially if you raise them properly. Uphold and enforce the law. Go on serving Prince Valero.”
“As a fencing instructor?”
Ariel gestured toward his espada. “How many men have you killed since we first met?”
“None.”
Qhora looked at him sharply. “None? What about the robbers in Tingis?”
“I slashed their hands and struck them unconscious. It’s easy if you know where to hit,” he said sheepishly. “They probably woke up a few minutes after we left.”
“Yes,” Ariel said. “And you merely disarmed the bandit on the highway, just as you disarmed the woman in white at the marketplace. And you refrained from killing her at the train station. You even offered her alternative punishments. You are not afraid to fight for the law, but you fight with your mind as well as your sword. In fact, few men could do what you do. Destreza is the study of the skillful sword, not the blind sword or the murdering sword or the cruel sword. And you are a master diestro. The youngest in decades.”
“Then you’re saying that I should fight?”
“In the name of the Father, the Mother, and the Son. Yes. Fight for the law. Preserve life. Show mercy. You can do all three in a single stroke of your sword. You’ve been doing it for months, time and again. You are already walking a righteous path, Lorenzo.” Ariel smiled. “But you’ve let your illusions about piety and holiness blind you to that truth. God does not want us to lock ourselves away in cloisters and cells to pray and hide from the world. God wants us to live in the world, to shape the world, to teach the world. You are not a scholar, Lorenzo. We both know that. You are a soldier, but yours is the sword of life and law. Carry it proudly. Teach it to all who are willing to learn it. You could train a legion to fight with courage and honor to preserve life, not to kill. To truly fight in the service of God.”
Lorenzo rested his hand on the pommel of his espada, and for the first time in months he gripped it without fear or doubt. “The sword of life?”
Ariel nodded.
“And children?” He glanced at Qhora for the first time in several long moments and saw a curious look in her eye and slight smirk on her lip.
“But marriage means conversion, doesn’t it?” Qhora asked, turning a colder eye on the ghost. “You want me to be an Espani lady, to turn my back on my people and my gods and everything that tells me who I am.”
“Lady Qhora, you have already sacrificed so much. Your home, your family, your future. I’m in no position to ask you to sacrifice your gods. But you love this man. You want to spend your life with him? To have his children? Yes?”
Qhora nodded and Lorenzo felt a sudden flush in his chilled cheeks.
Ariel nodded back. “Then, as long as you intend to live in Espana, it seems a small concession to perform a brief ritual. Say the words, wear the triquetra, and read enough of the Book to discuss it with your neighbors and friends. You might be surprised how little effort would make you as pious as most Espani. But keep the gods and prayers of your people in your heart, if they bring you comfort and peace. Can you do that for Lorenzo? Can you do that for your children?”
Lorenzo watched the fiery wheels turning behind the princess’s eyes and for a moment he thought the argument he had been fearing was about to erupt, but instead Qhora nodded and turned back to face him. “I can do that. But only if you come back to me. Be my Enzo again. No more sulking, no more hiding. And one more thing.”
“What?” he asked.
“Smile, damn you.” She grabbed his collar and pulled him down toward her face.
The smile came on its own, stretching his cold and stiff cheeks, and they kissed. It was the warmest, softest sensation he had felt in over a year and it only ended when he ran out of air. But as he straightened up he saw clearly how blue her lips had become and turned to say his farewells to Ariel, but the ghost had vanished. “Come.” He grabbed her hand. “Let’s get out of here. We have things to do.”
“What things?”
He smiled. “Everything.”