Sometimes I felt removed from this part of Xavier’s life. It was like he was living a double life: one he shared with his family and friends, and then his deep attachment to me.
“Do you ever think we don’t belong together?” I asked, propping my chin on my hands and trying to read his face.
“No, I don’t,” he said without a second’s hesitation. “Do you?”
“Well, I know this wasn’t supposed to happen. Someone upstairs slipped up big time.”
“We are not a mistake,” Xavier insisted.
“No, but I’m saying that we’ve gone against fate. This wasn’t what they planned for us.”
“I’m glad about the mix-up, aren’t you?”
“I am for me. . . .”
“But?”
“But I don’t want to become a burden for you.”
“You’re not a burden. You’re infuriating sometimes and you don’t listen to advice, but you’re never a burden.”
“I am not infuriating.”
“I forgot to add that you aren’t the best judge of character either, including your own.”
I ruffled his hair, relishing its silkiness on my fingers. “Do you think your family would like me?” I asked.
“Of course. They trust my judgment about most things.”
“Yes, but what if they thought I’m weird.”
“They’re not like that, but why don’t you find out? Come over and meet them this weekend. I’ve been meaning to ask you.”
“I’m not sure,” I hedged. “I’m not comfortable around new people.”
“They’re not new,” he said. “I’ve known them my whole life.”
“I meant new to me.”
“They’re a part of who I am, Beth. It’d mean a lot to me if they got to meet you. They’ve heard enough about you.”
“What have you told them?”
“Just how good you are.”
“I’m not that good or we wouldn’t be in this situation.”
“Girls who are all good have never really appealed to me. So you’ll come?’
“I’ll think about it.”
I had hoped he would ask and I wanted to say yes but part of me feared feeling different from them. After what I’d heard about his conservative mother, I didn’t want to be judged.
Xavier read my face.
“What’s the problem?” he asked.
“If your mother’s religious, she might recognize a fallen angel when she sees one.” It sounded pretty stupid once I’d said it aloud.
“You aren’t a fallen angel. Do you have to be so melodramatic?”
“I’m fallen compared to Ivy and Gabriel.”
“Well, I hardly think my mother’s going to notice. I had to face the God squad, remember?
And I didn’t try to squirm my way out of it.”
“You have a point there.”
“Then it’s settled. I’ll pick you up Saturday around five. Your lit class is about to startI’ll walk over with you.”
As I was gathering my books, a peal of thunder echoed through the cafeteria and the sunlight streaming through the windows vanished. The sky had darkened and was threatening rain. We had all known the blissful spring weather wouldn’t last, but it was disappointing just the same. The rainy season could be bitter along this part of the coast.
“The rain’s about to hit,” Xavier observed looking at the skies.
“Good-bye, sun,” I moaned.
No sooner had I spoken than the first fat drops began to fall. The skies opened and soon rain was falling in steady sheets, drumming on the cafeteria roof. I watched students sprinting across the quad, shielding their faces with folders. A couple of junior girls stood in the open, allowing themselves to be drenched and laughing hysterically. They would be in trouble when they finally turned up to class soaked. I saw Gabriel heading to the music wing, a troubled expression on his face. The umbrella he held was slanted by the strong wind that had blown up.
“Coming?” Xavier asked.
“Let’s stay and watch the rain for a while. There’s not much going on in lit right now.”
“Is this bad Beth speaking?”
“I think we need to revise your definition of ‘bad.’ Can’t I stay with you for this lesson?”
“And have your brother accusing me of being a bad influence? Not on your life. By the way, I hear there’s a new student, on exchange from London. I think he’s in your class. Aren’t you a bit curious?”
“Not especially. I have everything I need right here.” I ran my finger along his cheek, tracing its smooth contours.
Xavier removed my finger and kissed the tip before planting it firmly back in my lap.
“Listen, this kid might be right up your alley. According to the grapevine, he’s been expelled from three schools already, and he’s been sent here to sort himself out. I guess because it’s far away from anything that might get him into trouble. His dad’s some media mogul or something.
Interested now?”