I hated to be seen like this, so desperate, so completely lacking in control, but I knew that if I wanted to keep my entire world from falling apart, I would have to keep Xavier.
“It seems to me that you have forfeited any rights you had. There is only one thing now that can be done,” said Gabriel.
“What?” I asked, trying to keep the hysteria out of my voice.
“I need to speak with the Covenant.”
I knew he meant the circle of archangels that were called upon to intervene only in the direst of situations. They were the strongest and most powerful of our kind—together, they could bring the world to its knees. Gabriel obviously felt the need to call for reinforcements.
“Will you explain how it happened?” I asked.
“There will be no need,” Gabriel replied. “They will already know.”
“What’ll happen then?”
“They will give their verdict and we will obey.”
Without another word, Gabriel swept from the kitchen, and moments later, we heard the front door close behind him.
The wait was excruciating. Ivy brewed cups of chamomile tea and sat with me in the living room, but it seemed a black cloud had descended over us both. We were in the same room but there was an ocean between us. Phantom too became uneasy, sensing that things weren’t right, and burrowed his face in my lap. I tried to block out the thought that, depending on the verdict, I might never see him again either.
We didn’t know where Gabriel had gone, but Ivy said it was most likely somewhere desolate and empty where he could communicate with the archangels without human interference. It was a bit like using wireless Internet—you had to find the best place to connect and the fewer humans around the better the connection. Gabriel needed somewhere he could meditate easily and contact the forces in the universe.
I didn’t know much about the other six in Gabriel’s arch. I knew them only by name and reputation. I wondered if any of them would be sympathetic to my cause.
Michael was the leader of the arch. He was a Prince of Light, angel of virtue, honesty, and salvation. Unlike the others, Michael was the only one who served duties as Angel of Death.
Raphael was known as the Medicine of God because he was a healer and it was his duty to oversee the physical well-being of his charges on earth. He was talked of as the warmest of the archangels. Uriel was called the Fire of the Lord as he was the Angel of Punishment and was one of those called upon to devastate Sodom and Gomorrah. Raguel’s purpose was to watch over the others in the arch and ensure they behaved in compliance with the code set by the Lord.
Angel of the sun, Zerachiel, kept constant watch over Heaven and earth. Ramiel’s role was to oversee divine visions given to the chosen ones on earth. It was also his duty to lead souls into judgment when their time came.
And of course there was Gabriel. He was known as the Hero of God, chief warrior of the
Kingdom. But unlike the others, who were distant and removed, I looked upon Gabriel as my brother, protector, and friend. I recalled a human saying about the power of blood ties. I felt that way about Gabe and Ivy—we were of the same spirit. I hoped I hadn’t destroyed that bond through one careless action.
“What do you think they’ll say?” I asked Ivy for the fifth time, and she let out a heavy sigh.
“I honestly don’t know, Bethany.” Her voice sounded far away. “We were given clear instructions not to allow ourselves to be exposed. Nobody expected that rule to be violated, and so the consequences were never discussed.”
“You must hate me,” I said in a small voice.
She turned to look at me. “I can’t pretend to understand what you were thinking,” she said.
“But you’re still my sister.”
“I know I can’t justify what I’ve done.”
“Your incarnation is different from ours. You feel things so passionately. To us, Xavier is like every other human; to you, he is something completely different.”
“He’s everything.”
“That’s just reckless.”
“I know.”
“To make one person the center of your world is bound to end in disaster. There are too many factors outside your control.”
“I know,” I repeated with a sigh.
“Is there any chance you can retract your feelings?” Ivy asked. “Or is that out of the question?”
I shook my head. “It’s too late.”
“That’s what I thought you’d say.”
“Why am I so different?” I asked after a moment. “Why do I have these feelings? You and
Gabe can command what you feel. It’s like I have no control at all.”
“You are young,” said Ivy slowly.
“It’s not that.” I twisted my hands. “There must be something else.”
“Yes,” my sister agreed. “You are more human than any angel I’ve ever known. You have identified strongly with earth. Your brother and I are homesick—this place is foreign to us. But you, you fit in here. It’s like you’ve always belonged.”
“Why?” I asked.
My sister shook her head. “I don’t know.” For a moment I caught a wistful look on her face and wondered if in some small recess of her mind, she wished she could understand my allconsuming love for Xavier. But the look vanished before I could dwell on it.
“Do you think Gabriel will ever forgive me?”
“Our brother inhabits a different plane of existence,” Ivy explained. “He is less used to mistakes. He feels that your errors become his. He will see this as his failure, not yours. Can you understand that?”
I nodded and didn’t bother asking any more questions. There was nothing to do now but wait, and we could do that in silence.
The seconds ticked by slowly and the minutes stretched into hours. My fear welled up and subsided at various intervals, like ocean waves. I knew that if I went back to the Kingdom, I would be with my brothers and sisters again, but also alone, with the rest of eternity to yearn for what I’d had on earth. But that was assuming I would be allowed back into the Kingdom. Our
Creator, gracious and loving as he was, didn’t respond well to defiance. There was a chance I could be excommunicated. I refused to let myself picture what Hell might be like. I had heard stories and that was enough. Legend said sinners were hung from their eyelids, burned, tortured, torn to pieces, and stitched up again. They said the place reeked of seared flesh and singed hair and the rivers ran blood. Of course I didn’t believe any of it, but the thought still gave me shivers.
I knew that many people on earth didn’t believe there was such a place as Hell, but they didn’t know how wrong they were. Angels like me didn’t really have a clue what Hell was like, but I knew I didn’t want to find out for myself. An archangel like Gabriel would know more about the dark kingdom but was barred from speaking about it.
I jumped when I heard the front door slam, and my heart hammered against my rib cage. A moment later Gabriel was standing before us, arms folded across his chest, his face careworn but as usual inscrutable. Ivy got up to stand beside him, showing no eagerness to hear the verdict.
“What’s been decided?” I blurted, unable to stand the suspense.
“The Covenant regrets recommending Bethany for this mission,” Gabriel said, his sharp eyes focused on me. “More was expected from an angel of her standing.”