MONDAY
1
Gia was staring at the clock when the phone rang.
She sat at the kitchen table, a mug of green tea cooling next to her elbow. An hour, almost to the minute, since she'd called Dr. Eagleton's office about her pregnancy test. The receptionist had said her results weren't in yet, but she'd call the Beth Israel lab and have them fax it over.
Jack was gone. After making a few cryptic calls earlier this morning, he'd gone out to run a few errands, and since then Gia had barely moved.
But she moved now, rising, stepping to the phone, checking the caller ID, seeing the name A. Eagleton MD on the display. Her breath caught a moment, she hesitated, then snatched up the receiver.
"Yes?"
"Ms. DiLauro?" A girl's voice. She sounded like a teenager.
"Speaking." Her hand felt slick on the plastic.
"This is Dr. Eagleton's office returning your call. Doctor says to tell you that your pregnancy test is positive."
Gia felt her body go rigid. She brought up her second hand to help grip the receiver, to keep it from falling.
"You're... you're sure?"
"Positive." She giggled. "I mean, yes. Doctor wants you to arrange an appointment for some routine preliminary blood work. When do you think you can-?"
Gia hung up on her and sat down.
I'm pregnant. With Jack's baby... Jack's and mine.
She should be bursting with joy, she knew, but she wasn't. Instead she felt uncertain, and maybe a little afraid.
Gia closed her eyes. I'm not ready for this... the timing's all wrong.
She picked up the mug of tea, looking to warm her chilled hands, but the cup was nearly room temperature. She took a sip of the pale yellow liquid but it tasted sour on her tongue.
Of course this wasn't just about her. There was Jack. Telling him wasn't a matter of if-because he had every right to know-but a matter of when. It was so very early in the pregnancy, a time when too many things could go wrong and end in miscarriage. She'd had two of those before Vicky was born.
Then the question of how he'd react. She knew Jack, probably better than anyone else in the world. Even better than Abe. But she still wasn't sure how he'd deal with it in the long run.
She knew his first reaction would be joy. He'd be happy for her, for himself. A baby. She wanted to see him grin, see his eyes glow. And she knew it might be enough to drag him out of his funk over losing Kate. One life ends, then a new one begins.
But telling this early carried risks. What if, say, next week, she miscarried?
Jack, you're a father-to-be! You're first child is on the way!
No, wait. Never mind. Your child is gone. Sorry.
Considering how down he'd been, was it right to risk putting him on that sort of emotional roller coaster? Wouldn't it be better, kinder after what he'd just gone through to wait until she was sure her pregnancy was firmly established?
Or was she just buying herself more time before she had to face up to the task of telling him?
So those were the short-term issues. But what about long term? When it sank into Jack what raising a child, what true fatherhood would mean to his independence, his treasured autonomy... what then? Would he think the cost too high?