This time it was the Tibetan who spit into the fireplace.
"When the Bunji Lama comes to the natural end of his life," he said, "it is his destiny to be reincarnated into the body of an infant born at the exact moment of his death. By certain secret signs is the next body recognized. In the case of the last Bunji Lama, he prophesied that the body fate had decreed for his next fleshly house would be born far from Tibet, and so he further prophesied the certain signs by which his regents could recognize him."
"This sounds really, really cosmic," said Squirrelly.
The Master of Sinanju proclaimed, "Behold, the white woman Squirrelly Chicane. Has she not red hair?"
"Yes."
"Truly."
"Not even dyed," said Squirrelly, patting her carroty shag.
"It is well to remember that the first prediction of the forty-sixth Bunji Lama was that his next body would possess hair the hue of fire."
"That's me," said Squirrelly. "Oh, my God! Was I the Bunji Lamb in a previous life?"
"The first test has been passed. Now it is time to see if this woman recognizes any relics of her former life."
"Show me a relic! Show me a relic!" Squirrelly said excitedly.
At that moment Remo returned with the trunk and before Squirrelly's mesmerized gaze, it was opened to reveal a dead, musty smell and a headless seated mummy. Its head sat in its lap as if that were the natural place for it.
"What's that?" she asked,
"The old Bunji Lama," said Lobsang, prying a bronze ceremonial object from the dead mummy's clenched brown fingers. He brought it over to dangle it before Squirrelly's wide eyes.
"Do you recognize this dorje?"
"Dorje?"
"Ceremonial thunderbolt," said Lobsang. "It is the symbol of the Bunji Lama's temporal power."
Squirrelly's brow knit in perplexity. "No. Darn it, it doesn't ring a bell."
"She has passed the second test!" Chiun proclaimed.
"I have?"
"It was predicted that the forty-seventh Bunji Lama would recognize none of the trappings of his former body."
"My God. It's true. I don't recognize it at all." And looking at the lichen-eaten face of the old Bunji Lama, she added, "As a matter of fact, I don't recognize me at all."
"Bulldooky," said Remo. "Of course she doesn't recognize it. She never saw it before in her life. What kinda of cockamamy test is that?"
"Silence, white eyes!" said Lobsang.
"There are other tests," said the Master of Sinanju. "Reveal to us your left shoulder."
Squirrelly peeled her pink pajama top off her shoulder, unbuttoning the top buttons so Remo could get a peek at her cleavage. He pretended to look out the window with a bored expression. Squirrelly figured he was sneaking a peek in the reflection of the windowpane. Men were so obvious.
"Behold the mark! It is the sign that has appeared on the shoulder of the Bunji Lama down through the ages. "
Squirrelly started. The old Oriental was pointing with a perfectly manicured fingernail at her bare shoulder. She pulled it around, saying, "Mark! What mark?"
And there it was, a dimplelike pit on her shoulder.
"My God! Look at it. It's some kind of birthmark I never noticed before."
"That's your vaccination mark, you dip," said Remo.
"What is this chiling word-'vaccination?'" Lobsang demanded.
"It is a rare word meaning the mark of the Bunji Lama-for even in this backward land the fame of the Bunji Lama has spread!" explained the old man.
The Tibetan was hovering close now, squinting at the mark. His long face was unhappy.
"It is the right mark, isn't it?" Squirrelly asked. "Oh, tell me it is. I've been between past lives for so long I've had a serious case of the blahs."
"It is as the texts describe." said Lobsang. "But you are a female with white eyes. No white eyes has ever been a tulku. "
"What's a tulku?"
"An incarnation."
"Call me a white-eyed tulku. Except they're blue, you know."
"There is another test, one not prophesied by the last Bunji Lama, but known to all Worshipful Nameless Ones in the Dark Who See the Light That is Coming," Lobsang said slowly.
"What's that?"
"I must see your navel."
"Sure." And Squirrelly obligingly lifted her pajama top high enough so the lower curve of her breasts was revealed. Remo continued to pretend to be looking out the window.
"It is true!" Lobsang gasped. "Her navel protrudes, just as did all previous Bunji Lamas!"
"You mean I'm the Bunji Lamb because I'm an outie-"
Chiun lifted a quieting hand. "There remains one final test."
"What is it? What is it? I'll take it, whatever it is. I'm great with tests. Crossword puzzles. Scrabble. You name it."
"There remains the joss," intoned Chiun.
"Yes, the joss," said Kula. "Have you a Buddhist shrine in this place, O Light That Might Be?"