"Get me out of Tibet! I came half way around the world to get you out of Tibet."
"I'm going nowhere!" Squirrelly protested. "I'm the Bunji Lamb and in Tibet the word of the Bunji Lamb is absolute law. Now, here's my plan. First, we-"
Remo and Chiun both stifled any further protest with warning gestures of their voice-deadening fingers, and they all climbed back into their respective vehicles and roared off in the direction of Gonggar Airport.
Chiun had joined Remo in the truck. Remo was driving, and Bumba Fun was hunkered down in the truck's bed.
Behind them, Lhasa quaked with explosions.
"I told those Khampas not to make a mess," Remo complained. "The minute they blew into town they couldn't wait to tear into the Chinese."
"When did you become a Khampa?" Chiun sniffed.
"I'm an honorary Khampa." Remo leaned over and whispered, "They think I'm this Gonpo Jigme character."
"And who do you think you are?" Chiun asked.
Remo threw his silver-fox turban out the window and slapped an itchy spot on the back of his head.
"A guy in serious need of a bath," said Remo. Then, noticing that the Master of Sinanju's bald head was streaked with black, he asked. "What's that on your head? It looks like you've been playing in a coal bin."
"It is a part of my disguise."
"Disguise?"
"You are in disguise. Am I not entitled to the same?"
"Well, whatever it is, it's coming off," Remo pointed out.
Checking himself in a side mirror, Chiun plucked from one sleeve a small aerosol can. He used this to liberally apply a black powdery substance to his streaked scalp.
Remo caught a glimpse of the label before the can disappeared back up the sleeve. It read Hair In A Can.
Remo rolled his eyes. Getting out of Tibet couldn't come soon enough for him.
THERE WAS a reception committee waiting for them when they wheeled into Gonggar Airport. Not soldiers, although there were a few of those present but they quickly retreated into the background.
Ordinary Tibetans lined the approach road and formed a semicircle on the tarmac. Prayer wheels, both plain and ornate, spun anxiously. All eyes followed them as they pulled up near a waiting turboprop aircraft.
"I don't like the looks of this," Remo said as he searched the crowd with his eyes.
"They will not interfere," said Chiun, but his eyes were concerned as he stepped from the truck.
"Don't be silly," Squirrelly said. "It's my adoring public." She began blowing kisses. "Yoo-hoo. It's me-the Bunji Lama."
The ranks of Tibetans regarded her without emotion.
"What's the matter with them? I've been gone sixty years. You'd think they'd be thrilled to see me."
A middle-aged Chinese in military uniform stepped from the crowd. "I am the one who offered you safe passage," he announced.
"And you will be the one to pay dearly if such passage is not granted," warned Chiun in the man's own language.
"As minister of state security for all of China, I have summoned the people of this area to see you off."
"They are welcome to behold the unhappy sight," said Chiun thinly.
"It is important that the people of Tibet see that the Bunji clique does not care for them and is willing to return to the soft comforts of the West," the security minister purred.
"We go because we chose to depart," said Chiun stiffly
"But the people of Tibet will not be left without spiritual leadership," the security minister continued smoothly, his words directed to the crowd. "For one has come to this land to offer guidance during these confusing times."
With that the Chinese minister of state security gestured to the east. "For the Tashi has returned to Tibet!" he said loudly.
"The Tashi!" Lobsang hissed.
The Tibetans took up the name, repeating it over and over in hushed reverent tones that gathered in volume to a chant.
"What's the Tashi?" wondered Remo, who had not been able to follow the conversation but noticed the word repeated over and over.
"The Tashi Lama," said Chiun tightly.
"There's another llama?" Squirrelly burst out.
"Also know as the Panchen Lama," Lobsang hissed. "He is and always has been a tool of the Chinese."
"Is he very powerful?"
"He is the reincarnation of Opame, Buddha of Boundless Light."
Squirrelly's eyes went wide. "Boundless light! Is he a bigger star than me? Am I outranked? How big is his trailer? Oh God, on top of everything else, I'm being upstaged."
"The Tashi comes!" Kula growled.
"Oh my God, the Tashi Lama is coming and my hair's a mess! And look at these clothes! I have to change. Where's my dressing room?"
"Hush. This is a moment of great importance."
The crowd parted, and a quartet of abbots in red-and-gold vestments glided into view. They approached with stately steps.
"Which one is the Tashi?" Squirrelly whispered.
As if on cue, the abbots separated, revealing a tiny figure in golden robes padding along, face soft and serene beneath his miter, eyes possessing an innocence and beauty that were beyond words.
"It's just a kid," Remo said.