"It is done," he boomed. "We have an agreement."
"We have an agreement," said Chiun. "Now it is time to consult the oracle."
"What oracle?" asked Remo.
"That one," said Chiun.
All eyes followed the Master of Sinanju's indicating finger.
It was pointing toward a big-screen TV in one corner of the great square room.
Chapter 4
"It is a fearsome-looking oracle," intoned Lobsang Drom.
"It's a freaking TV," said Remo.
"Yes, it is a freaking TV," said Kula. "Now that we have thrown off the yoke of communism, there are freaking TVs just like that one in every town and ger in Mongolia. I myself have thirty such devices so that I may watch every program at once without having to change channels."
"It is no ordinary television," said Chiun. "It is an enchanted television."
"Enchanted television, my Buttafuoco," said Remo. "It's Japanese."
The others looked closely and saw the brand name: Nishitsu.
"Truly it is a Japanese TV, as well as a freaking one," muttered Kula.
"Is it a Zen oracle?" Lobsang Drom asked. "I cannot accept visions from an oracle that is Zen."
The Master of Sinanju shook his head sagely. "It is not Zen. And it will show us the new Bunji Lama if he lives."
"The Bunji Lama always lives," said Lobsang Drom.
"Not for long if you don't let him out of his trunk," said Remo.
Abruptly the Master of Sinanju clapped his hands together. "In order to consult the oracle, we must first consult the guide," he proclaimed. "Remo, fetch the mystic guide."
"What guide?"
"The guide to the oracle, witless one," Chiun hissed. "Are your ears filled with hardened wax?"
"No, but my nose is clogged from the stink of whatever's in that freaking trunk."
"I did not know it was a freaking trunk," muttered Kula.
"The guide is always kept in a place of honor atop the oracle so that it will not be misplaced by careless servants," Chiun said pointedly. "Now, bring it to us."
"Oh, that guide," said Remo. He padded over to the TV set and brought back the current week's issue. Chiun accepted it and turned it around so that the others could see the cover clearly.
"I cannot read those English characters," said Lobsang Drom, squinting.
"I can," said Kula. "The red shape forms the words, TV Guide. The Master speaks truly. It is the legendary TV Guide. Very rare to find a copy in this land of America."
"One shape makes two words?" said Lobsang Drom in wonderment.
"You should talk about another person's language," said Remo.
Lobsang Drom leaned closer, squinting at the cover. "Is that a dugpa I see?"
Remo looked. He didn't know what a dugpa was, but he figured it was as good a name for Roseanne Arnold as any.
"She is the most feared dugpa on American television," he assured the Tibetan.
"I do not know this word, ted-a-vish-on, " said Lobsang Drom slowly.
Remo asked, "Where have you been living-in a cave?"
"Yes."
Remo blinked. Then Chiun began consulting the guide to the oracle.
"I vote for 'The Twilight Zone,'" Remo whispered. "Rod Serling's usually good for putting things in perspective."
"Hush!" Chiun hissed. "I seek an augury of the Bunji Lama's fate in this guide."
"And if you find it?" asked Lobsang Drom.
"It will foretell the most auspicious time to consult the oracle on the fate of the Bunji Lama, which will be revealed to us on the dark screen of glass."
Lobsang Drom nodded. It was strange magic but not much stranger than a Tibetan oracle. Perhaps there was hope after all.
Remo noticed that Chiun was consulting the evening listings.
"If you find the Bunji Lama in there," he whispered, "I'll eat whatever's in that trunk."
His face tightening like a spiderweb whose anchorings were stretched taut, the Master of Sinanju ran a long-nailed forefinger down the listings.
"According to the guide to the oracle," he announced solemnly, "the Bunji Lama will be revealed to us at midnight."
Remo closed his eyes. His mind told him that midnight was less than an hour away. He hadn't needed a watch in years. He always knew what time it was. He just didn't know how he knew.
"I have lived for this moment most of my life," said Lobsang Drom, his voice trembling.
"This is a great moment," agreed Kula.
"This is a great big scam," Remo muttered.