“You’ll see him soon. I mean, he’s right here. It can’t be that hard to see him.”
“You would think so,” I sighed, picking at a spot on my shirt.
“Until then, we have this really nice place.” His voice changed, taking on an exaggerated nonchalance, so I looked up at him. He wouldn’t meet my eyes, staring intently at the deck cards, and his smile looked forced. “A nice little home, with… a nice bedroom in back.”
“Oh.” I rolled my eyes. That’s what he was getting at.
“I’m just saying that there are two bedrooms, and that master bed is pretty big,” Lazlo continued, peeking up at me to see how I was responding. “It’s plenty big for two people.”
“It’s not that big.”
“It’s not the biggest ever, but…” He trailed off and sighed heavily. Looking up at me, his dark eyes were a mixture of wounded and confused. “What’s so bad about sleeping with me?” The instant he said it, his expression faltered. “No, I didn’t mean it like that. I just meant… you know. Same bed. Sleeping, with actual sleeping.”
“I know what you meant.” I picked up a Joker that had slipped out of the deck of cards and twirled it around the table. I needed to occupy myself with something.
With a sudden flourish, he splayed the cards out on the table. He flipped them all face down, and then sliding his hand across, he flipped them all face up. He had a showman’s hand, and he smiled at me, sad and hopeful all at once.
“I’m laying all my cards on the table,” Lazlo grinned at his own bad joke, and I returned it uneasily. “I like you.” He paused, and when I didn’t say anything, he went on. “Kind of a lot, actually.”
My pulse quickened in the way only he seemed to be able to make it, but I couldn’t think of anything to say. Everything inside me froze up and stopped. Too much had happened for me to ever consider really liking someone again or having a normal life.
These things just weren’t possible anymore, and I wanted to explain that to him, to make him see that this didn’t have anything to do with how I felt about him. We couldn’t happen.
Instead of saying any of that, I fought to keep my breathing even and looked down at the table.
“Remy, what’s going on with us?” Lazlo asked quietly when I didn’t say anything.
“Do you really wanna know?”
“Depends on what the answer is,” he admitted.
So I didn’t answer. I turned my head to look out the window behind the couch. The curtain obstructed most of my view, so I lifted it a bit. The sun had started setting, and the sky above the trailers glowed pink and purple above us. Lazlo took this as my response, and he sighed.
“I guess I’ll take the couch tonight,” he muttered, getting up.
“No, you don’t have to do that,” I shook my head. “I can take the couch.”
“I can take the flipping couch.” He grabbed the deck of cards off the table and threw them in a kitchen drawer, slamming it shut.
“No, I’m the one having an issue.” I slid off the couch and stood up, trying to calm him down. “I should be the one to sleep on the couch.”
“You don’t always have to do that!” Lazlo snapped at me.
“Do what?”
“That!” He gestured to the couch as if it’d mean something to me. “You don’t always have to be the tough guy, okay? I am the guy, here. I can be a gentleman sometimes.”
“This isn’t about being tough or chivalrous or whatever the hell it is you’re having a problem with.” I pulled a strand of hair that had come loose from my bun. “I’m just trying to be…” I trailed off, not even sure what I was doing.
“Strong,” Lazlo finished for me. “You’re always trying to be strong and isolated. And I get it. You can kick my ass, hands down. But we’re here now!” He spread his arms wide, referring to the trailer and quarantine as a whole. “Can’t you just let your guard down for a minute?”
I squirmed and looked away.
“Just because I offer to sleep somewhere-”
He moved towards me, his mouth covering mine before I could finish. One of his hands went to the soft skin of my side, and when I started kissing him back, he squeezed slightly, sending warming tingles through me. His other hand was on my cheek, cradling it. My back pressed against the counter behind me, and he leaned into me, pushing me against it.
I loved how desperately he kissed me. Nobody had ever kissed me like that before, like he couldn’t breathe without me. Butterflies swirled through me, and my heart hammered so hard in my chest, I was sure he could feel it. I felt weak all over, but I didn’t hate it.
When he stopped kissing me, we were both panting, and he looked intently at me. His eyes had gone dark with passion. He pushed the hair from my face, and I was surprised to find that I had knotted my hand in the fabric of his shirt, pulling him tightly to me.
“Are you okay?” Lazlo’s expression changed from heat to concern.
“I…” I could barely catch my breath, and as much as I wanted to kiss him again, I was too scared to. “I need to take a walk.”
“Oh.” Hurt flashed across his face, but he hurried to erase it and mask it with false indifference. He took a step back, so I could move. “Yeah. Sure.”
“Sorry, I just…” I ran a hand through my hair and wouldn’t look at him as I slid by. “I need to get some air.”
“No, I understand,” he lied.
I pushed out the front door before I could say anything else awkward and stupid. With night falling, it had gotten significantly colder, especially after spending so many days in the desert heat.
Bright white street lights allowed me to see as I walked on the winding trails through the trailers. Wrapping my arms tightly around me, I mis-stepped several times, but eventually, I found my way to Ripley’s cage.
Linking my fingers through the chain link, she came over and nuzzled at them again. I wanted to sob and throw up, so I just wrapped my arm tighter around my stomach, holding it in.
I didn’t understand how I could handle myself so well in a zombie fight but not at all in real life. It used to be the exact opposite. I had forgotten who I used to be entirely.
Ripley tired of rubbing against the cage and went in the corner to take a nap. I had gotten myself under control, but I wasn’t ready to go back yet. I wandered around the quarantine, avoiding other people as much as possible, and tried to focus on what really mattered: seeing Max.
My options were counting on Tatum’s ability to pull strings and get me a sanctioned visit or breaking in.
I made my way over to the building. It looked like a giant fortress. No windows on the first floor, and the windows on the second had bars over them, guaranteeing that no zombies could break in. Or no one could break out. The walls were smooth concrete, without any divots or cracks, making it impossible to scale.
The only ways in or out were through two sets of massive steel doors, protected by a punch code and two armed guards. This quarantine had been so well thought out, I would’ve been impressed if I hadn’t been trying to break in.
I stood near the doors, chewing my lip and trying to think, when two men in blue scrubs walked up. They said something to the guards, punched a number in the keypad, and went inside. I didn’t recognize either of them, but an idea dawned on me.
“Um, hi,” I walked up to the guards, and they both barely looked at me. “I’m not feeling well, and I need to see a doctor.”
“Talk to Bishop, and she’ll set something up for you,” he said, keeping his eyes fixed on some target above my head.
“No, um, I know the doctor.” I shifted my weight. “He’s a friend, and he checked me out today, and he said if I have any problems, to come back and see him. And I’m having problems.” The solider looked at me skeptically. “Doctor’s orders.”
“What’s his name?” he sighed.