"Aaahhh!"
"It is just like the old days," Chiun told Remo. "Before I taught you respect."
"This is crazy!" Remo said, white-faced. "This isn't happening." He pointed an accusing finger at Harold Smith. "You're not my father." The finger swung around. "And this Navy squid isn't my son!"
"Owww! What-oww-watch you say about the Navy, dickhead!"
"I'm a Marine, swabbie."
"Jarhead. Owww!"
"Speak to your father with proper respect, seal-that-barks."
"Owww!"
"Wait a minute. Wait a minute," Remo said suddenly. "This isn't real. It's gotta be more of the Dutchman's illusions."
"Which?" asked Chiun, cocking his bald head to one side.
Remo thought hard. "All of it. Him. Smith. Maybe even you."
"Why am I an illusion?" Chiun asked curiously, not releasing Winston Smith.
"Because you're backing Smith's stupid story that he's my father," said Remo confidently.
"It is true," Chiun admitted. "I am very sorry to have kept it from you all these years, Remo. But it is true."
"Bullshit!" Remo yelled.
"Denial is the first stage of parenthood," retorted Chiun.
Remo stopped, closed his eyes and listened for heartbeats. He counted them. Three. Smith's checked out. Chiun's came through clear and strong. And the kid's heartbeat, too. It wasn't the Dutchman's heart sound. Remo knew that. So the kid wasn't Jeremiah Purcell cloaked in an illusory sheath. The kid was real. And he had the eyes of Freya and the mother Remo never knew.
Remo opened his own eyes, saying, "No way this is real. It can't be." His voice shook with doubt.
Harold Smith cleared his throat noisily. "It is time to clear the air," he said somberly. "For all of you. "
Everyone looked to Harold Smith expectantly.
"When Remo first came to Folcroft for training," Smith began, "it was assumed that his life of service might be short. The work was difficult and dangerous."
"What work?" asked Winston.
"Hush," said Chiun.
Smith asked, "Remo, do you remember a Folcroft nurse named Deborah Dean?"
"No."
"Small wonder. You were sleeping your way through the nursing staff in those days"
"Sue me."
"I saw this pattern of behavior, and knowing that the. . . ah. . . organization would have a long-term need for an enforcement arm, paid Ms. Dean to carry your child."
"Liar. I used rubbers in those days."
Smith looked uncomfortable. "Artificial insemination. We took a semen specimen the first day you came to Folcroft. Winston was the product. He spent his formative years as a ward of Folcroft, his adolescence in military schools and for the last few years served with distinction as a Navy SEAL."
"You can stow the distinction part," Winston Smith said sourly. "I went AWOL when I got your get-lost letter."
"Unfortunate. Perhaps your error can be rectified."
"Up yours," Winston Smith snapped.
"The hamburger does not fall far from the tree," sniffed Chiun, regarding Winston Smith unkindly.
Coloring, Smith went on. "Winston was never told the truth. Only that his parents had died and that I had been appointed his guardian in their absence. If anything were to happen to Remo, the organization would have an operative after Winston's SEAL training was complete."
"Why was he not given to me?" Chiun complained.
"I assumed Remo would object to allowing his son to undergo Sinanju training. And frankly, after all that has transpired over the years, I was looking for an agent who was more . . . er . . . controllable."
"You got that right," said Remo. "You already ruined my life. I wouldn't have let you ruin his." Remo caught himself. "Not that this squid is any son of mine."
"You do not know that."
"For one thing," Remo said, "no son of mine would wear an earring."
"Goat-fuck," Winston Smith said. "Owww. Why does he do that?" Winston asked nobody in particular.
"Chiun enjoys inflicting pain," said Remo.
"What do you mean by agent?" Winston asked. He was ignored.
"A Navy SEAL seemed the next-best thing," finished Smith.
"You insult Sinanju," Chiun said coldly.
"And you insult the Navy," Winston retorted. "SEAL Team Six is the best there is."
"You have a lot to learn, sonny," said Remo.
"You have a lot to learn, sonny," a new voice said.
"Is there an echo in here?" Remo wondered.