"They-are unimportant," snapped Chiun, dialling so furiously that the nail of his index finger obliterated the black numbers with each whir of the dial. "It is the gold that is important. Have you learned nothing of what I have taught you?"
Remo continued eating his rice with his fingers, knowing that it was considered uncouth by Korean standards.
"Emperor Smith," Chiun shrieked into the telephone. "The gold did not arrive."
"It must be recovered."
"Or replaced."
"My information is that the sub was challenged by a North Korean gunboat somewhere in the West Korea Bay before it was lost."
"Impossible."
"That was their last report."
"Ridiculous. The minions of Kim Il Sung would not dare challenge the vessel designated to carry the gold of Sinanju."
"It is our understanding that Kim Jong Il is running Pyongyang during his father's convalescence."
"That whelp! He would not dare order this outrage."
"Please go to North Korea immediately and learn the truth, Master Chiun."
"This will be done with utmost dispatch and great zeal," said the Master of Sinanju.
"Here it comes," Remo muttered.
"-once the gold is replaced."
"This is no time to replace the gold," Smith protested.
"You are the secret emperor of America. You can work wonders. I know you can do this, Smith."
"Master Chiun, please."
"The contract has been signed. But the gold has not been delivered. Thus, we have no contract. I would dishonor my ancestors if I were to undertake service under these conditions."
Smith was silent for a breath.
"Is Remo there?" he asked at last.
"No," Remo called out through a mouthful of rice.
"He is lying," Chiun spat out the words. "Of course he is here. But he does not wish to speak with you, therefore it will do you no good to appeal to him."
Harold Smith's voice was pleading now. "Please, Master Chiun. We must act quickly while there is still time."
"Yes, by all means. Act quickly and replace the gold of Sinanju."
"But it takes three days to cross the Pacific by sub."
"What is this? Yesterday you told me that you only then sent the gold. Now you say it reached the West Korea Bay before being lost. How can this be?"
"I, er, fibbed," Smith admitted.
"Hah!"said Remo. "Caught at last."
"Fibbed?" demanded Chiun.
"I, ah, had sent the gold ahead of schedule. It was necessary because the Harlequin was the only sub available for the next three months."
"What if we did not reach an agreement?" Chiun asked suspiciously.
"I could have signalled the boat to turn around at any time. This was done in the interests of efficiency."
"And because of your impatience," Chiun flung back, "my gold has been lost at sea. It must be replaced at once."
"I can possibly have a down payment drop-shipped to your home by late afternoon," Smith offered.
"Unacceptable," said Chiun. "If I accept the gold on American soil, I will be responsible for transporting it to Sinanju and possibly for paying usurious income taxes, exorbitant customs fees and other burdensome levies imposed by your new President, the flint-skinned one, and his grasping consort. Thereby being cheated of full tribute. Only in your barbarian country are such things done, Smith. Do you think the pharaohs handed my ancestors a sack of gold, only to demand one third back in taxes? Or the Romans? Not even the Chinese would stoop so low, and they are notorious thieves."
"Even as we speak, your gold may be in the process of being confiscated by North Korean authorities," Smith pointed out.
"Your gold. It is not mine until I have taken delivery. I have not."
"Would you accept a cash surety until the gold is replaced?"
"Possibly," said the Master of Sinanju, and seeing that he had Harold Smith on the ropes, promptly hung up on him.
"Why'd you do that for?" Remo demanded. "Now he knows you hung up on him."
Chiun lifted his indignant chin defiantly. "If necessary, I will blame you. In the meantime he will move heaven and earth to scrounge up replacement gold."
"I don't think even Smith can scrounge up a boatload of gold ingots on short notice, Little Father."
Chiun made a face. "Why do you care, retired one?"
"Because there's a submarine full of U.S. sailors missing, and somebody's gotta do something."
Chiun leveled a warning finger at his pupil. "You are retired. Remember that. I will have no sunlighting from you."
"That's moonlighting and don't worry. I'm through with Smith."
"Yeah. But is Smith through with you?"
Chapter 10