“You knew what you wanted when you came here,” Jonathan said. “We both knew what you wanted. Yet now you hate me for giving it to you? That strikes me as most ungrateful.”
Jane shoved Brian away, but he was too strong for her. His arms circled around her and he continued to kiss her neck. “It was all I could do not to take you there in his house,” he said. “You’re as lovely now as you were when we first met.”
“That’s because I’m dead,” Jane said. She drove her elbow into his stomach. He let out a surprised grunt and his grip on her loosened. She took the opportunity to escape, whirling around to face him. “Get out,” she ordered.
Brian, bent over as he tried to catch his breath, looked up and smiled seductively. “I don’t think so,” he replied.
Jane started to argue, but she knew better. He was stubborn. She could yell at him all she liked, but she knew he wouldn’t leave. She briefly considered threatening him with calling the police, but that would achieve nothing.
“Oh, how I despise you,” she said icily.
“You don’t really,” Brian said as Jane walked into the living room and turned on a light. “As I recall, you were once very fond of me.”
“Not least because you led me to believe that you were fond of me as well,” said Jane.
Brian laughed. “But I was fond of you, my dear. I still am. If I wasn’t, why would I have come here?”
“Funny,” said Jane. “That’s exactly what I’ve been wondering ever since you appeared in my bookshop.”
Brian sat down in one of the living room chairs. “I suppose it has been a long time,” he admitted. “You probably thought I was dead. Well, more dead. Deader.”
Jane suppressed a smile as she seated herself on the sofa. “The thought did cross my mind,” she told him. “As you yourself said, ‘I am not sure that long life is desirable for one of my temper and constitutional depression of spirits.’”
“I did say that, didn’t I?” Brian laughed.
Jane glowered. “So, how did you find me?”
“Ah,” said Brian, holding up one slender finger. “I’d like to say that it was difficult, but you must admit that you haven’t exactly gone to great lengths to hide yourself. Elizabeth Jane Fairfax indeed.”
Jane picked at the cloth of the couch. “Yes, well, I got rather tired of it all after a century or two, didn’t I? Besides, you haven’t exactly strayed too far from the path yourself in that regard, Lord Byron.” She said his name with all the venom she could muster.
Byron laughed. “So we’ve both tired of being other people,” he said.
Jane couldn’t argue that point. She hesitated before asking, “Why now?”
Byron leaned back in the chair and sighed deeply. “Oh, I don’t know,” he said. “I suppose I’ve been feeling a bit nostalgic of late. Missing the good old days and all that.”
“I don’t remember there being a lot of good involved,” said Jane. “At least not as far as you’re concerned.”
“Come now,” Byron said. “Our time together wasn’t all bad, was it?”
“No,” Jane admitted. “Dinner the first night was quite nice, as I recall. It was everything after.”
“Come now, Jane,” said Byron. “Look what I did for you. Despite your age you were still a child. Why, you were practically imprisoned in that vicarage. I saved you from all that.”
“Saved me?” Jane exclaimed. “I was perfectly happy in my little world.”
Byron waved away her protest. “If you were happy, then why did you come to me?”
Jane started to speak, but found she couldn’t. He had hit upon the weak spot in her argument. Sensing this, Byron smiled at her, his eyes bright. “You see?” he said. “You came because you wanted experience. You were determined to offer up your virginity to me.”
“I came at your invitation!” Jane objected.
“Yes, yes,” Byron agreed. “But it was you who wrote to me first. I simply did what I could tell you wanted. You didn’t have to come. In fact, I believe you took great pains to make the journey.”
Jane stood up. “You’re impossible,” she said. She turned away from him so he wouldn’t see the frustration in her face.
He was beside her in a moment. “I’m sorry,” he said gently.
“You’re not,” said Jane. “You never were.”
Byron put his hands on her shoulders. She allowed them to stay there. “I am now,” he said. “I’ve changed over time. I know now that what I did to you was wrong.”
“It’s a bit late for that realization,” said Jane.
Byron kissed her hair. “I never meant to hurt you,” he said. “I was careless.”
“Careless,” Jane repeated, shaking her head. “Is that what you call it?”
“What other word is there for it?”
Jane turned, facing him. She looked into his eyes. “Evil,” she said. “I would call it evil.”
She was surprised to see that Byron was genuinely hurt. He stepped back, his face twisted in confusion. She almost reached out to him, but forced her hands to stay at her sides.
“Do you really hate me so much?” Byron asked. His voice shook with emotion, and his eyes betrayed the sadness in his heart.
A long silence passed during which Jane wrestled with her emotions. Don’t let him in, she warned herself. Not even a little. She knew she should listen. She should end things once and for all. But another part of her wept to see Byron in despair. He says he’s changed, she argued.
“No,” she said finally. “I don’t hate you. Not anymore. Because of you I’ve seen and done wonderful things. Have I hated you sometimes in the past? I would be lying if I said I haven’t. But what good does it do?”
Byron dropped to his knees before her and grasped her hands, laying his cheek on them. “I knew you couldn’t,” he said. “Jane, you don’t know how often I’ve longed for you. But I couldn’t face you, knowing how you must feel about me. About what I did.”
Jane closed her eyes. She was remembering too much. Things she had buried deep within her mind were rising to the surface. Memories. Images. Feelings. None of them welcome.
“Stand up,” she told Byron, pulling him to his feet. She continued to hold his hands as they faced each other. “I don’t hate you,” she said. “But I don’t love you either.”
Byron brought one of her hands to his mouth and kissed it. “No,” he said. “Not now you don’t. But perhaps you will again.”
Before Jane could contradict him he kissed her. His mouth closed over hers, his lips full and warm. Jane struggled only a moment before giving in. She kissed him back, hating herself but unable to resist. His arms slipped around her, pulling her close so that their bodies were pressed tightly together. Almost immediately Jane was overcome with a tingling that flowed over her skin, causing her to shudder. She’d forgotten what it was like to kiss one of her own kind.
The sensation grew more intense the longer they kissed. Jane felt her thoughts begin to join with Byron’s. She knew that soon she would lose all control as her connection with him intensified. She had only moments left.
Summoning what was left of her will, she pulled away from him. The separation was painful, and she gasped. It was as if she’d been torn away from a dream and plunged into reality. She was suddenly intensely cold, and put her arms around herself in what she already knew was a futile attempt at getting warm.
“I can’t,” she whispered as Byron reached for her.
“You can,” he said. His voice was seductive, and for a moment she felt herself slipping back into the dream state.
“No,” she said, shaking her head vigorously. “Please, just go.”
She was surprised when Byron turned and walked to the door. He opened it and turned back to look at her. “Who listens once will listen twice,” he said softly. “Her heart, be sure, is not of ice, and one refusal no rebuff.” Then he was gone, and Jane was alone in her living room.
“Damn you,” she said to the door.
She turned the lights off and went upstairs. In her bedroom Tom was curled up on her pillow. He opened one eye and gave her a brief look before returning to sleep. Jane sat on the bed and began to pet him, and he purred softly.
She still felt the effects of Byron’s kiss. She knew it would last for some time, probably until she fed again. She resented the fact that she would have to feed earlier than usual. But she could go another day or so before the need became too great. Had she remained in his arms much longer the need would have been nearly impossible to resist.
As it was, her thoughts were all jumbled together. And some were Byron’s. She saw faces she’d never seen, smelled scents foreign to her, felt longing and fear and lust that were not her own. It was as if she’d been drugged.
She undressed and lay down, slipping beneath the sheets and trying to sleep. But her body burned. She was unbearably hot. Kicking the quilt and sheets away, she tried to cool her overheated skin. Sweat beaded her forehead and dampened her nightgown. Tearing at the garment with trembling fingers, she drew it over her head and dropped it to the floor. The air around her was thick, and her breathing became labored.
Invisible hands caressed her, running over her arms and down her sides, cupping her exposed breasts. Lips teased at her neck, her fingertips, her nipples. To whom did they belong? There were two mouths, three, a dozen. She searched the darkness for faces but saw nothing.
These are his memories, Jane thought. She tried to banish them, to regain control over her mind, but it was like fighting off the effects of too much wine. Instead she became more confused. The bed seemed filled with bodies, with arms and legs intertwining. Hot breath licked at her while she tried to turn her head away.
“No!” she cried.
Cold descended. She was alone, standing on the shore of a wide, dark lake. Above her the sky was filled with glittering diamonds and the moon, impossibly full, was reflected in the water at her feet. She was naked. Then arms were around her and she felt the slow beat of another’s heart against her back.
“It’s time for your rebirth,” Byron’s voice said in her ear. “Come with me.”
He took her hand and stepped into the water. His body, white in the moonlight, was like marble. His eyes burned like the stars. Jane looked into them as she allowed him to lead her into the lake. The water rose around her. Then Byron was lifting her, and she floated on the water, looking up into the eyes of the heavens.
Byron too was floating, his body beneath Jane’s and her head resting on his chest. He held her in his arms like a child as he kicked his legs, pushing them into deeper water. As he swam he hummed a lullaby, the words of which Jane heard in her mind but which flitted away as soon as she tried to capture them.
They seemed to swim for hours, or maybe days. Then they came to a stop and floated on the still surface of the lake. Byron took Jane’s wrists in his hands and crossed them over her chest, laying his arms atop hers.
“I feel as if I’m dreaming,” Jane murmured.
Byron released her, his arms moving to her shoulders. He caressed her gently. “The great art of life is sensation,” he said. “To feel that we exist, even in pain.” His hands gripped her more tightly. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, and Jane was pushed beneath the water.
She struggled for breath. Through the water she could see the stars. They broke apart, swarming like bees, as she thrashed around. Her ears rang with the sounds of her muffled screams. But Byron’s hands, like iron weights, held her down.
Water poured into her mouth, filling her throat. She gasped and found no air. Her eyes grew cloudy, and overhead the stars winked out one by one, until all was black.
She woke up choking. She was in Byron’s bedroom, cradled in his arms. He was stroking her hair and once again humming the tuneless lullaby. Jane turned and spat onto the floor, clearing her mouth.
“It’s all right,” Byron said. “It’s all right now.”
Outside, the storm was still raging. The stars were gone, and the moon was black. Although still naked, Jane was dry, as if she’d never been in the lake, never floated beneath the sky, never been pushed beneath the water.
“What did you do?” Jane asked. She felt her heart beating, but something was different. She was changed somehow.
“You’ve been reborn,” said Byron. “I took your life, then gave it back to you.” He showed her his wrist. Blood flowed from a fresh wound. Jane realized with horror that the liquid in her mouth was not water. She ran her tongue over her teeth and found them thick with the taste of meat and iron.
“No,” she said, trying to push herself away from Byron. “Let me go!”
Byron pulled her back, holding her tightly against his chest. “It’s too late,” he said. “It’s done.”
“You drowned me!” Jane cried, beating at him with her fists.
“A dream,” said Byron. “Of your rebirth. We all experience it differently. But you have never left this bed.”
“What have you done?” Jane sobbed. “What have you done to me?”
The alarm woke her up. Tom was sitting beside her, staring down at her expectantly. He meowed once.
Jane sat up. Already the nightmare was fading. But she remembered enough of it. It hadn’t come to her in a very long time. Now, she feared, it would return again and again. Byron’s kiss had given new life to it.
“Damn him,” she said to Tom. “Damn him for coming back.”