The Social Services Preservation Act of 2022: Canada is built upon the principle of the Social Safety Net, a series of entitlements and programs designed to ensure a high standard of living for every citizen. However, ever-increasing life expectancies coupled with constant lowering of the mandatory retirement age have placed an untenable burden on our social-welfare system and, in particular, its cornerstone program of universal health care. With most taxpayers ceasing to work at the age of 45, and with average Canadians living to be 94 (males) or 97 (females), the system is in danger of complete collapse. Accordingly, all social programs will henceforth be available only to those below the age of 60, with one exception: all Canadians, regardless of age, may take advantage, at no charge to themselves, of government-sponsored euthanasia through chronotransference.
There! Up ahead! Something moving! Big, whatever it was: an indistinct outline only intermittently visible behind a small knot of fir trees.
A quadruped of some sort, its back to him/it/them.
Ah, there. Turning now. Peripheral vision dissolving into albino nothingness as the rex concentrated on the head.
Three horns.
Triceratops.
Glorious! Cohen had spent hours as a boy pouring over books about dinosaurs, looking for scenes of carnage. No battles were better than those in which Tyrannosaurus rex squared off against Triceratops, a four-footed Mesozoic tank with a trio of horns projecting from its face and a shield of bone rising from the back of its skull to protect the neck.
And yet, the rex marched on.
No, thought Cohen. Turn, damn you! Turn and attack!
Cohen remembered when it had all begun, that fateful day so many years ago, so many years from now. It should have been a routine operation. The patient had supposedly been prepped properly. Cohen brought his scalpel down toward the abdomen, then, with a steady hand, sliced into the skin. The patient gasped. It had been a wonderful sound, a beautiful sound.
Not enough gas. The anesthetist hurried to make an adjustment.
Cohen knew he had to hear that sound again. He had to.
The tyrannosaur continued forward. Cohen couldn’t see its legs, but he could feel them moving. Left, right, up, down.
Attack, you bastard!
Left.
Attack!
Right.
Go after it!
Up.
Go after the Triceratops.
Dow—
The beast hesitated, its left leg still in the air, balancing briefly on one foot.
Attack!
Attack!
And then, at last, the rex changed course. The ceratopsian appeared in the three-dimensional central part of the tyrannosaur’s field of view, like a target at the end of a gun sight.
“Welcome to the Chronotransference Institute. If I can just see your government benefits card, please? Yup, there’s always a last time for everything, heh heh. Now, I’m sure you want an exciting death. The problem is finding somebody interesting who hasn’t been used yet. See, we can only ever superimpose one mind onto a given historical personage. All the really obvious ones have been done already, I’m afraid. We still get about a dozen calls a week asking for Jack Kennedy, but he was one of the first to go, so to speak. If I may make a suggestion, though, we’ve got thousands of Roman legion officers cataloged. Those tend to be very satisfying deaths. How about a nice something from the Gallic Wars?”
The Triceratops looked up, its giant head lifting from the wide flat gunnera leaves it had been chewing on. Now that the rex had focussed on the plant-eater, it seemed to commit itself.
The tyrannosaur charged.
The hornface was sideways to the rex. It began to turn, to bring its armored head to bear.
The horizon bounced wildly as the rex ran. Cohen could hear the thing’s heart thundering loudly, rapidly, a barrage of muscular gunfire.
The Triceratops, still completing its turn, opened its parrot-like beak, but no sound came out.
Giant strides closed the distance between the two animals. Cohen felt the rex’s jaws opening wide, wider still, mandibles popping from their sockets.
The jaws slammed shut on the hornface’s back, over the shoulders. Cohen saw two of the rex’s own teeth fly into view, knocked out by the impact.
The taste of hot blood, surging out of the wound …
The rex pulled back for another bite.
The Triceratops finally got its head swung around. It surged forward, the long spear over its left eye piercing into the rex’s leg …
Pain. Exquisite, beautiful pain.
The rex roared. Cohen heard it twice, once reverberating within the animal’s own skull, a second time echoing back from distant hills. A flock of silver-furred pterosaurs took to the air. Cohen saw them fade from view as the dinosaur’s simple mind shut them out of the display. Irrelevant distractions.
The Triceratops pulled back, the horn withdrawing from the rex’s flesh.
Blood, Cohen was delighted to see, still looked red.
“If Judge Hoskins had ordered the electric chair,” said Axworthy, Cohen’s lawyer, “we could have fought that on Charter grounds. Cruel and unusual punishment, and all that. But she’s authorized full access to the chronotransference euthanasia program for you.” Axworthy paused. “She said, bluntly, that she simply wants you dead.”
“How thoughtful of her,” said Cohen.
Axworthy ignored that. “I’m sure I can get you anything you want,” he said. “Who would you like to be transferred into?”
“Not who,” said Cohen. “What.”
“I beg your pardon?”
“That damned judge said I was the most cold-blooded killer to stalk the Alberta landscape since Tyrannosaurus rex.” Cohen shook his head. “The idiot. Doesn’t she know dinosaurs were warm-blooded? Anyway, that’s what I want. I want to be transferred into a T. rex.”
“You’re kidding.”
“Kidding is not my forte, John. Killing is. I want to know which was better at it, me or the rex.”
“I don’t even know if they can do that kind of thing,” said Axworthy.