Black? Raiding her dad’s office? What was Brynn getting into?
I didn’t like the sound of this and obviously her friends were getting bored of Brynn’s idea of weekend fun. Luckily, they were all too shallow to read into what this could really be about. Something was not right with this. I knew Brynn hated me but after Ryan’s warning that she was still after me, and the revelation that it was supposed to be me on the roof at the rave last year instead of Claire …
If ever there was a time I needed Garreth to calm my nerves, it was now. But he was absent in more ways than one. I took a deep breath and stepped out into the florescent glow of the bathroom. I splashed some cold water on my face, dried it with a paper towel, and walked quickly to my locker, grabbing everything I would need. The walk to my car took longer than usual. Each step felt like a step backwards as I thought of the impending weekend.
As soon as I got home, I was promptly shuffled from my car into my mother’s Honda. Together we drove to the store for pizza supplies for Friday night.
I followed her around, aimlessly pushing the metal cart like an eight year-old. When you’re eight it is a big deal to push the cart up and down the aisles.
It isn’t when you’re eighteen and a senior and the little gray-haired ladies still smile at you as if you’re the biggest help in the world.
My mind wandered, as usual, and I tried to steer it towards matters of importance—like the calculus homework I had to tackle or what conditioner to buy so my hair never looked the way it did today again. Ever. Then the inevitable happened and my mother dropped a series of bombs. As hard as it was to swallow, the first one was expected. In fact, I expected it yesterday, but I guess she was just trying to be nice.
We were in the frozen food aisle when she asked, “So how is Garreth doing? He hasn’t been around lately?”
“He’s just not feeling himself,” I said quietly. It wasn’t a lie. Our last conversation, the one I’d been avoiding, played through my head. He definitely didn’t act or sound like himself.
“Hmm. That’s too bad. Let’s stop over at the spice aisle. Brynn came up with the idea of having a topping bar! How brilliant is that?”
I rolled my eyes.
The next ten minutes were taken up by intense decision making. Parmesan or parmesan-romano? Crushed peppers or creole powder? Garlic powder? Garlic salt? Garlic flakes? By the time my mom made the earth-shattering choice of what we were all going to shake onto our pizza, I had spaced so severely that I may have even drooled on myself.
Thankfully, the toppings were the last thing on the list. As we were checking out, Mom asked if I wanted a magazine or a candy bar, just like she used to when I was little. After picking out a pack of gum, I noticed she looked a little antsy all of a sudden, like she couldn’t wait to leave. Well, geez, she could’ve felt that way back in the spice aisle.
After paying we walked to the car and she carefully placed the bags in the trunk. I realized that she wasn’t being cautious for the groceries’ sake but for mine as she turned to me and half-whispered “Nate’s asked us to move in with them.”
I stood staring at her like an idiot, unable to move. Really.
“Honey? Well, what do you think?” she was giving me one of her strained smiles. The kind where it’s sort of painted on her face and overly cheerful.
But it was starting to crack from the tension.
Without a word I turned, opened the passenger door and got inside, shutting the door on the mess that had just exploded in my face. I didn’t have to look out the window to know that my mom was still standing there, dumbfounded. I could visualize her biting the inside of her cheek, the crease forming deeply on her forehead. I heard her mutter “alrighty then,” and then she got in on her side and we drove home in complete, uncomfortable silence.
Silently, we unloaded the groceries and then went our separate ways for the rest of the night. Guilt consumed me as I tried to focus on equations and found myself padding inconspicuously into her bedroom, waiting by the doorframe for her to notice and invite me in.
She looked tired as she peered over the top of the novel she was reading. Again, the guilt pangs hit me hard as I realized something. Our disagreements seemed to wear on her, but when she was with Dr. Dean she looked years younger. When she talked about Dr. Dean she gushed like a teenager, going on and on like a first crush, stopping only when my ears rang painfully and I couldn’t take it anymore.
I shook my head and stepped into her room. She patted the covers next to her and I quietly climbed in beside her, curling up on my side.
“Homework done?”
“No,” I answered, letting that subject drop. I took a deep breath then asked, “Do you really love him?”
She slid her finger between the pages she was reading and let the book rest on her chest. “Can you believe it? I really do.”
“Why?”
She looked away thoughtfully, then sighed and her gaze rested back on me.
“For a long time I’ve been the happiest person in the world,” she smiled.
I was confused. I thought living with me was difficult, but then remembered it’s only been that way recently. “You are my life, Teagan. Losing your father was hard, but it was you who helped me through it. You do realize you saved me? If I didn’t have you, who knows what kind of person I would be right now.”
This wasn’t the first time I had heard this story. How the responsibility of taking care of me had kept her grounded. I was also her one last link to my father. Wasn’t it painful that I reminded her of him? I knew she loved me, but I still couldn’t help feeling guilty. Now I understood my need to reverse the roles … why I wanted to take care of her. I’ve been feeling responsible for her well being all along.
“But … sorry, that doesn’t really answer my question.”
She cupped her hand beneath my chin and looked at me thoughtfully.
“When I met Nate in the hospital with you, I was so grateful to him … but there was something else there. A connection. I know it sounds silly.”
“No it doesn’t, go on,” I urged.
For a fleeting moment I felt like we were two girlfriends, having a sleepover and gossiping about guys.
“When I looked at him to take his card,” she blushed. “I was reminded of how it felt when I met your dad. He makes me feel like me again, and she’s someone I’ve missed for a very long time.”
I smiled up at her. How could I take this away from her? She was so happy with him.
“He’s a good guy, Teagan. He doesn’t have to be your father. Just give him a chance to be your friend.”
“I’m sorry I’ve been such a pain, Mom. I know he makes you happy. It’s just …” I let out a huge sigh. “You know Brynn and I don’t exactly get along, so she gets in the way of my getting to know him better.”
“She’s no cup of tea, that’s for sure. Even Nate has issues with her.”
“Are we moving in with them?” I buried my head beneath her arm, afraid of the answer.
“I’d love to, but no, I’m not going to ask you to move.”
“But … then why?” I stammered, bringing my head up to look at her.
“I was just trying to have a heart-to-heart conversation with you, sweetie. Don’t you realize that I’ve missed the way we used to talk to each other?”
I nodded sheepishly, “I miss it too.”
“Do you know how long it would take to list this house and pack all our junk up? This house probably wouldn’t even budge on the market until after your graduation.”
I giggled nervously, realizing my overreaction.
“Did you think we were going to move in this weekend?” she asked.
“If we ever do move in with them, just put me on the opposite side of the house. Better yet, a different floor.”
“She can’t be all that bad.” She smiled, shaking her head.