I wanted to defend myself, but my voice was nowhere to be found.
Before I could process a response, I was staring at the back of Garreth’s broad shoulders walking away from me.
What the hell just happened?
And then I remembered I wasn’t alone in watching my guardian’s exit. I turned around, expecting to see victory in Hadrian’s dark eyes, but instead I was greeted with the most magnificent green, welled with sympathy and regret. Sometimes, Hadrian’s eyes were black, obliterating the distinction between pupil and iris. Now they were emerald and clear with a scattering of intriguing gold flecks like an antique kaleidoscope. They were more stunning in the light of day than the green I had witnessed last night in the moonlit veil of my room.
I remembered seeing the first bit of his true eye color, when I felt him slipping away from my grasp. That night in the woods was one I would sooner forget, but for some reason, this moment seemed far worse.
The whooping and hollering grew fainter on the other side of the campus. Their voices blending together. I didn’t even bother trying to find Garreth’s; his voice was no longer his own. I instantly felt forgotten. With blind rudeness, I turned and began walking away from Hadrian. My walk turned into a sprint and Hadrian’s confused voice was getting smaller by the second.
What did he expect me to do? I needed to be alone right now. I didn’t belong here.
But this is my world, I thought to myself as angry tears formed. I looked at my hand.
Stupid mark.
I slowed to a stop, leaning over with my hands on my knees to catch my breath. Slowly, I tilted my head to look at the sky and shook my head, not sure where I belonged anymore.
Before leaving school, Ryan passed me in the hall giving me a “knowing” nod, and although the plan had been mine, I felt shaky and scared. Friday had come all too quickly, ending a week I swore was going to pass as slowly as molasses because of Garreth’s absence. But Garreth had shown up in places I never could have foreseen and admittedly, my thoughts had been elsewhere.
I passed Brynn’s hateful little posse, sans Brynn, and caught the tail end of yet another “Brynn bashing.”
“She’s so secretive now,” Emily spoke candidly to Sage at their lockers, with little regard for eavesdroppers walking by. I rolled my eyes and headed out to the parking lot.
I drove home in a trance, hands gripping the wheel, eyes staring blankly ahead. I was on auto-pilot, but ended up home in one piece. What happened on the football field played over and over in my mind. The whole incident had left me with a residual numbness. I sided neither with Garreth nor with Hadrian. Subconsciously, I must have been siding with myself, sticking with my original plan of leaving my two angels on the back burner and focusing on what I had to do tonight, to save myself from Brynn. And to not get caught doing it.
It was obvious that Hadrian was going to be hanging around for a while and it was also obvious that Garreth had not changed for the better, both of which I had no control over. So, I resigned myself to the plan at hand of trying to appear normal while I ate with the enemy and then later still, when I would break into my mother’s boyfriend’s house to foil the enemy’s plan.
My mother was still at work, although she would be leaving early to clean up and start the oh-so-original-pizza-topping-bar. After my stressful day, I decided to relax with a quick, warm bath before dinner. I filled the tub, still on auto-pilot, mesmerized by the swirling water at the base of the faucet, the steam billowing into humid clouds around my head. When the mirror fogged and the air was filmy, I turned the water off and let my robe slip to the floor. I stepped into the tub and lowered myself into the water, willing my muscles to unclench and relax. I closed my eyes and tried not to think of anything in particular. Just relax. Just me and the warm, soothing bathwater—at least for a little while.
But my brain tingled—something I didn’t even know it could do. Before I realized what was happening, the steam cleared, letting me view a scene, a tangible vision of the one person I was trying to shield myself from. I saw Garreth as clear as day, hunched over in pain. Though my eyes raked over him I couldn’t detect any sort of wound or injury. And then I felt his pain. Internally. Seizing. Gripping. My insides clenched and released in spasmodic jerks.
There were no words for what I was experiencing, and just as the strongest swell of distress washed through me, he faded under the shadow of a dark-winged being so overwhelming it blackened every space in my mind. My terror redirected itself as an unseen force grabbed me by the throat and pulled me under. Just as quickly as it had come on, it disappeared and I was left face down in the tub, pushing myself up. Water spewed from my mouth as I choked for air.
I had died before, my subconscious reluctantly reliving the feeling, but this was different. This wasn’t dying by your own hand to save the one you loved.
This was dark, blackened hate reveling in the fact that you could feel your loved one’s pain, leaving you helpless.
Shakily, I managed to step out of the now chilled bathwater. My plush robe did nothing to calm the tremors coursing through my limbs and I sat down on the rug at the side of the tub, pulling myself into a little ball, trying to calm myself.
Garreth, what is going on?
Standing up, I leaned my weight against the cool porcelain of the pedestal sink and stared at my reflection in the fogged mirror. Lucifer was returning for Hadrian. I saw the urgency in his eyes that night in my room. Was it possible Lucifer was coming back for more than just his brother?
Maybe Garreth doesn’t know this time? Maybe he’s totally oblivious to what’s happening. Maybe his humanity is erasing the guardian in him.
By the time I felt sane enough to get ready and venture downstairs, my mother was walking through the back door. Four white pizza boxes balanced in her arms.
“Grab this would you, sweetie?” she thrust her left wrist out so I could take her purse.
She was overly cheerful, excited about the evening ahead, and for that alone I tried to hide the concern and fear still dwelling inside me.
“Let’s get these pies into the oven. No one wants a cold dinner.” My mother was a bustling tornado, opening cupboards, stacking seasonings. She barked hilarious orders like a crazed drill sergeant … “Open the red peppers!” … “Oh, my gosh, napkins!” For a brief moment, the pain and fear I had witnessed like a prophetic dream slowly slipped to the back of my mind, allowing me time to breathe and enjoy a rare moment with my mom.
Amid everything her cell phone vibrated and the preparations slowed. Her cheery voice confirmed that Nate was on the other end.
“He’s on his way, but Brynn will be a few minutes late,” she volunteered to me, then turned her attention back to the plates that needed to be stacked and the candles that needed to be lit. “Hmm, and I was hoping Brynn could set up the toppings the way she wanted, since it was her idea.” Mom’s hand hovered over the selection of olives and paused. “Well, she can rearrange when she gets here.”
“Why is Brynn going to be late?” the sound of her name spoken out loud suddenly made the smell of pizza unappetizing.
My mom was still lost in thought, muttering to herself.
“Mom? Why isn’t Brynn coming with Nate?” I said with a little more force.
Looking up, she replied, “Oh, she’s just running a little behind. She took a bubble bath and lost track of the time.”
My insides re-stiffened.
That was too coincidental.
Two hours later, my mother’s laughter was the only thing getting me through the evening. Seeing her eyes bright and sparkling with happiness, so full of admiration for Nate, her newfound other half, I almost felt guilty for going behind his back. But then I felt the hairs on my neck stand in warning, and I turned to find Brynn dissecting me from a distance like I was a loathsome little bug in need of squashing. My guilt quickly diminished. It was a feeling I had endured all evening, from the moment she sauntered into the house, all through dinner and even now. My stomach was hurting. I didn’t do well with tension, especially while eating weird pizza. It figured Brynn would play havoc with my digestive system, too, and I remembered there was one last can of ginger ale in the fridge. Maybe that would help.
Brynn’s lip curled in disgust and I turned away, closed my eyes for the briefest of seconds and thought of Claire, who had been so different from someone like Brynn Hanson. The idea of Brynn somehow capable of entering my personal dreamscape, forcing me to see Claire plummet from the rooftop of a warehouse in the woods … I shivered.
My thoughts involuntarily returned to this afternoon, when lavender bubble bath permeated my senses instead of pepperoni, and my angel suffered at the hands of something dark and unknown. I took a swig of my soda too quickly, feeling the bubbles stream down my throat before I could swallow and the choking, drowning sensation took me off guard once again.
“Breathe much?” Brynn murmured from across the room, but I heard it loud and clear. As if she whispered the very words next to my ear.
She stood and languidly stretched her arms over her head, boredom rolling off her in waves. The highlight of her evening was probably making me uncomfortable in my own home, and I cringed at her success. Without a word she marched into the foyer and plucked her coat from the metal hook on the coat stand.
“Don’t stay out too late, okay?” Dr. Dean called from the living room sofa, where he and my mother were enjoying a near empty bottle of Merlot, her giggles growing increasingly hysterical. It was time to escape.
“Not if I can help it,” Brynn mumbled under her breath. “Goodnight Ms. McNeel! Thanks so much for the pizza!” And then with a sickening smile flashed for my benefit, Brynn opened the door and let herself out of my house.
I grabbed my own coat and followed her out onto the porch, my eyes darting in the direction I would soon be running off to, wondering if Ryan was already waiting for me or if he had chickened out at the last minute.
“Don’t think you’re coming with me. Our little “family” soiree ends here and now. Got it?” Brynn adjusted the brown fur collar on her suede coat and pulled matching gloves onto her hands.
“Oh, I wouldn’t do that. I was just wondering what I was missing.” Please don’t go home. Please don’t go home.
“I’m sure you would love to know.”
Without another word she pivoted on her heels and sashayed down the steps to the curb, leaving me alone and shivering on the porch. Her car’s engine hummed to life and I could see her gloved hand through the window, illuminated by the faint blue light of the dashboard as she fiddled with the buttons, knowing heat was warming her as my lips were turning blue. She gave a little wave, which I’m sure was accompanied by a smirk, although I couldn’t quite see it, and then drove off.
I exhaled loudly, my breath pluming visibly before my face.