I felt myself being pulled away from reality. Unexpectedly, the present came to a screeching halt, allowing a timeline of events to flash before my eyes. I saw Garreth in my head as he was the day he gave me his white, protective light, the very light that was supposed to save us from Hadrian. I saw Claire standing in the cemetery. I saw Hadrian slamming my father in the chest with a blue light. I saw my mother open the door to my bedroom and smile, but it was Brynn’s white sterile room, not mine. I saw Mathur condemning Hadrian to an eternity of misery. Above me, a black octagram swirled clockwise, its eight points blurring as it spun wildly out of control.
My thoughts were muddled as the shadows grew closer. I felt a breeze warm like breath.
I couldn’t feel my body and it felt wonderful. All the memories that hurt me throbbed and coursed out of my hand and trickled away. All I had held inside of me, all that was a part of me… my heart had been so full and now it was such a relief to feel it empty. I was moments away from losing consciousness and all I could think about was the delicious silence.
I floated in a dark pool marbled with white light that rippled and threatened to disappear. Very slowly, the pain I felt came back in waves, bringing with it the white light, the blinding brightness of reality, for wasn’t the absence of color the symbol of death?
If only I could be so lucky.
With the growing light, the pounding in my skull worsened. My body felt fractured in a zillion places and I truly feared I would never feel the same again.
Did I dare open my eyes?
I waited for the darkness to return, an emptiness that was so comforting and still, but it refused, and now I could only feel this strange, trembling breeze.
Brynn’s wailing had stopped. Maybe she passed out? That would be a good thing, I thought to myself.
Gradually, new thoughts began to trickle through my brain. What did Hadrian mean when he confronted Brynn? Time warped for a moment as I watched him changing … his wings, dark and beautiful, how I remembered him from my dreams. He was frightening, but it was who he was.
But Brynn? To feel such a devastating unhappiness. What would make her do something so desperate?
And me?
You’re the pawn … Hadrian’s words stung me now.
I had never trusted Brynn, and yet I still felt betrayed.
My hand hurt. It felt welted and hot, and when I made a fist I felt it on the tips of my fingers. The gentle wind was whispering to me again. I floated to the surface. How long have I been under? Please … I want to stay. I was unable to remember why I was here or why the beating of my heart sounded so far away.
For a brief moment I remembered someone … blonde, blue-eyed … he lingered on the edges of my reality, but I couldn’t reach him.
My skin prickled. I was almost awake. Knowing flooded my brain and I heard it once again …
“snuff the light …”
It would not go away and I knew…
I am the light of which she speaks.
I cautiously opened my eyes.
My wish for darkness had been granted. It surrounded me … wings, arms … a feeling of weightlessness. And then a most beautiful face. The face of an angel.
“Hadrian,” I whispered.
He seemed relieved that I recognized him.
“That insipid child should know not to play with fire. She has no idea what she’s done by opening a gate,” he warned, stealing a glance just behind his shoulder.
My eyes must have shown my confusion. I was having trouble snapping into focus.
“Gate?”
“Her desperation let him in and he’s the purest form of evil, Teagan. He’ll stop at nothing now, ripping away from us all we hold dear. Your mother … your friend, Ryan … ,” he looked away for a moment. “He’ll take you away from me.”
“What do you mean, she let him in?” My tongue felt thick in my mouth, but with each passing second I was swiftly becoming aware of my strange surroundings — and that I was with Hadrian, whose dark eyes appeared tender.
“She didn’t just open a gate to let Lucifer in. She is the gate.”
I felt a shudder creep down my spine at that. Although I didn’t understand the significance, it still seemed obvious that it was a starring role for Brynn.
Something important, and horrific at the same time.
“As heaven exists in our minds, so does hell. To someone like Brynn, who has offered herself as a vessel, it is a very strong reality.”
“She sees him?”
“In her mind, yes. Lucifer wields his power through emotional thought, much like a guardian.”
“He doesn’t look like a person? Like you do, and …” I was about to say Garreth.
“When Lucifer was cast out of paradise he was stripped of all luxury, including the ability to materialize in the flesh. He renounced his role as a guardian and chose the path of darkness, so in darkness he shall always remain, seeking refuge in the minds of those who allow him in.”
“But how do we help her?”
I looked at Brynn with new eyes. The fuse of loathing that would usually ignite faltered. It spluttered and fell silent. She looked back at me and her eyes said so much. We didn’t need words. She knew. I knew. We each stretched a little out of our normal zone of comfort and finally, we met in the middle.
I couldn’t bring myself to hate her anymore. She was just a girl, like me. My hand tingled and instantly, I knew the endless stream racing through her thoughts; that I could give her something.
Something she would be willing to accept.
Something I was on the brink of being ready to give.
I could see a glistening tear escape and roll down Brynn’s cheek. Could there possibly be a way to undo the damage she’s started? How she learned of Nate’s journal in the first place, I’d never know. She was vindictive and harsh, always seeking a means to destroy and gain. But as I looked back on how she treated my mother, how she was so careful and tentative with her actions, I understood. To Brynn, my mother was a fragile thing that could be broken at any moment. Brynn was trying to recreate one desperate attempt to hold once again what had been ripped away from her. Reason was lost to her the moment her heart broke. She had made a wish … and the wrong person heard it.
On unsteady legs, I walked over to her. Clearly, I didn’t expect an apology. Brynn had never been the type to give one. I knelt down beside her, still leery of this girl who would go to such lengths to get what she wanted.
“We can’t bring your mother back. I’m sorry,” I whispered.
Brynn shrugged, then looked away.
“Your father loves my mother. Perhaps …” it was the last thing I wanted to offer, but I knew in my heart it could be the beginning she needed. It could be the very thing Nate said only I could give her.
“I didn’t know what I was doing!” Brynn cried. “He promised me I would see her again!” Her body practically crumbled, she was shaking fiercely with regret. “I didn’t understand.”
Hadrian approached quickly. “When did Lucifer make you this promise?”