I looked down at my arm where I had felt a cold hand resting. There was nothing. Then I realized, this was all in my head. Like a dream. A fearful role playing.
It was misty and gray all around me. Cold. I could see a figure shrouded in shadow, moving closer. Was it the one I felt? It moved, creeping closer, until I could finally make out a shape familiar to me. It was Brynn, no longer lying on the dirt floor, but here with me.
“What are you doing here?” she whispered, looking around nervously. She seemed desperate to run to me, but held back, afraid.
Her face was streaked with dirt and dried tears. Her luxurious hair was in tangles. I was taken aback by the way she wrung her hands fretfully.
I pulled myself away from staring at her and tried to take a good look around. It would be easy to answer I have no idea, but of course I couldn’t say that. Not if I planned on doing anything worthwhile.
“I came to get you out of here.” It was the best I could do.
“Where exactly are we, Teagan?” Brynn’s voice had an unfamiliar pitch to it. She was scared.
“It’s complicated. Let’s just get you somewhere safe, alright?” I wanted to get as close as I could to her. Somehow I would need to imagine myself pulling her out of here, and then Garreth and Hadrian would take it from there.
Her breathing was raspy and before I knew it, Brynn was clinging to my arm, looking all around us.
“Where do we go? Teagan, I’ve been searching and searching. There’s no way out of here.”
Before I could explain it wasn’t an ordinary exit we were about to go through, I felt her knuckles clench my arm painfully. If Brynn could’ve hidden inside me at that moment, she would have. Her face drained of all color. “He’s here. Oh, Teagan, please hurry!”
“Where?” I was wasting time asking that question, forgetting Hadrian had told me I wouldn’t be able to see him.
“He’s furious with me! Teagan!”
I felt her body shudder against me, and soon began to feel her weight slinking to the floor, pulling me with her. Slashes appeared on her skin in random strokes. Instinctively, I pulled away from her, my eyes refusing to believe what they were seeing.
Suddenly Brynn stood up and stared directly into my eyes. She let out a guttural scream and lunged for my face. “You killed her! You took her away from me!”
I fell back, the force of her striking against me was beyond powerful. There was no way a girl of her build could shove like that, not even for the last pair of shoes at the mall.
“Brynn! What are you doing? Stop!” I tried pushing her off me, but she kept lashing at me with her nails. I knew it was a trick. It was another game Lucifer was playing with our minds. I couldn’t imagine what she must be seeing, she was reacting so violently.
Then suddenly, her face lost its contorted shape and her eyes grew less venomous. She was slowly beginning to calm down. I took careful advantage of the little window of opportunity and spoke gently to her, reassuring her she was safe.
“Brynn, stop. It’s okay.”
I tried rubbing her arms soothingly, even though she could scratch my eyes out at this distance if she lost control again. “You need to focus if we’re going to get out of here.”
She allowed me to lead her a few steps. We weren’t really headed anywhere, but the slightest of steps to me was progress. She was exhausted, so I sat down with her in a protective little huddle. Maybe sleep would come to her, allowing her to finally rest. If she was out for a little, then it would be easier for me to concentrate on getting us back to the stone room beneath the church; back to the two angels waiting for me. I wanted to shut my eyes with her, just for a little while, but her body began shuddering again, and when I looked over at her to try and comfort her, I saw her eyes roll back behind her lids.There was a pulling sensation on my arms. No, Brynn. Go to sleep. Then the fear settled in.
Maybe Lucifer was back.
Someone was dragging me to my feet. I opened my eyes, preparing for another hit or scratch to the face, but found I was opening them to the most beautiful scene I could possibly imagine. I saw two pairs of eyes. One blue. One green. Somehow, we had made it back to my guardians.
Quickly I turned, reaching for Brynn. Did I manage to bring her back with me? She was curled up, sleeping soundly beside the fire, color slowly but surely returning to her cheeks.
I reached up to touch the face of the angel closest to me, but the exquisite faces blurred and began to melt together. A black filmy smoke filled the room, and then without warning, I spiraled downward.
I was no longer looking at Garreth and Hadrian but found myself back in the dirt crawl space I had just escaped from. I decided to venture out into the tunnel, wondering if it was the same one Hadrian and I had walked through hours ago. The walls had that same scraped appearance to them I had taken notice of earlier. And then it hit me. How long had I been underground? Was it morning yet? My feet kept walking, as if begging to be led out of this damp, grubby trap. Then I stopped.
“Teagan?”
There was a voice echoing from the other end of the passageway, the very direction I was walking toward.
“Teagan?”
It was my mother.
I broke into a jog. A run would have been more efficient, but I was so weary and the ground was so uneven. A faint glow warmed the packed earth of the tunnel wall a few yards ahead, and I kept my eye on it, pushing myself onward to reach it. When I saw her, I couldn’t help but crash into her. I wrapped my arms around her waist and buried my head into her neck, only … it was not my mother. The figure I clutched was not warm and tender like a real person. Instead it was strangely chilled and vaporous in spots, formed to serve a momentary purpose.
The image my heart wanted so desperately to see was just one of Lucifer’s many tricks, and I had to remember not to want anything while still trapped down here. If I did, it would be presented to me, it would tempt me to reach out and take it, believing in a lie. This was all part of Lucifer’s game. This was how he played, preying on the wants of others. He was the deliverer, and by the time you realized it wasn’t real, it was too late. But how do you tell yourself not to want? Especially when you’re faced with desperation and fear?
Was that what happened to Brynn? Was she so desperate for her own mother that she believed the lie enough to fall deeper into the clutches of something she couldn’t control?
But it was too late. The moment I thought of my mother, the very second my heart wished for her—that was enough for Lucifer to make his move. The image that was my mom rippled a bit, and then her sweet smile morphed into a sneer, and her face became Brynn’s. Her laughter bounced off the walls. I backed away as Brynn’s chortle melted into Claire’s scream, and as I watched helplessly, the face changed from one to the other and back again. The faces and voices switched back and forth so rapidly, I needed to cover my ears with my hands and turn away.
It was at that moment I began to notice the tiny little bites at my ankles and legs. I looked down, letting out a breathy yelp. Swarming at my feet were tiny, hideous creatures. I swatted at them, hearing their soft little bodies smash into the ground. Horrified and repulsed, I turned and ran the other way.
The ceiling of the tunnel sprang to life. Once a gnarled mess of roots and vines, it was now a tangle of human limbs. Arms and hands extended downward, hands outstretched, clasping and grabbing. They were inches from touching my hair as I fled past them. Is this what hell was like? One horrible mental torture after the next?
Beyond the reach of the dangling arms, I found myself pausing reluctantly to catch my breath. I leaned over, my hands resting on bent knees as my lungs rejected the air I was trying to stuff into them. But there was no rest for me. I was being followed. I turned to see the opaque wall of black rushing toward me seconds before it slammed me into the nearest wall.
The darkness, the hatred, rained down on me. I felt heat burning my skin from the black smoke that wove it’s tendrils around my arms, my neck, my legs. Inside, my entire being was a concoction of everything I had ever feared and hated, all wrapped up into one emotion. It seeped deep within, hemorrhaging, to all the spaces inside me.
Lucifer.
I couldn’t see him. I questioned if he was even real, if I indeed was in his presence. But I knew the answer to that. No one else could cause these emotions to spread within me.
How would I ever reach my guardians now? Even if I did, Lucifer would never let me go, at least not without pulling them both into this with me.
I felt hatred stirring inside me. I felt hatred toward Nate for coming into our lives. Hatred toward my father for leaving us. I even hated Claire right now for dying on me, and Garreth for leaving me alone. I hated Hadrian’s dark beauty, for the way he loved me, and the way I wanted him to. And most of all, I hated myself for wanting both of them.
A tingling touched the very back of my brain. A part of me was still untouched, unchanged. I remembered when Garreth had told me guardians could tap into a person’s subconscious. I thought of Ryan. I could hear his voice the night we were in the closet. He was going on about hell being a part of our minds — to think of it was to succumb to it. All the stories of good winning over evil — was it possible? If we learned to tap into the light we each held inside ourselves, perhaps it would block the darkness always yearning to touch us, the evil that was forever seeking a way in. There had to be some sort of balance.
A glimmer of hope hit me just then. My balance was waiting for me just on the other side. It was dark and it was light, and to succeed in banishing evil, I had to acknowledge both. Not run away from one, while chasing the other. It was here all along. The ingredients to the mix. Light and dark.
I struggled to follow Ryan’s rule, the one he claimed to be his reason for seeing Claire months after her death. He simply thought of her. With that one thought I began to envision Garreth, and my mind filled with light, and when thoughts of Hadrian slowly penetrated my mind as well, I didn’t fight it. I allowed them in. There was no guilt, just clarity. But I felt Lucifer, still clinging to me, refusing to let me go and as soon as my mind unwillingly accepted that he was still here, I felt the sharp claws of the shape he was possessing dig into my back. Thoughts of where I was seemed impossible to block out.
Lucifer. He was fear. He was torment.
His voice struggled against the barrier I was placing. His wrath was venomous, but little by little, I reclaimed what was mine. I looked around to make sure that Brynn had made it out of this fabricated hell and then raised my hand and felt another grabbing hold of it.
It was warm.
It was almost human.