I gave him one of my serious looks. “Don’t even go there.” I was tired, but adrenaline was pumping through me. I knew there was one goodbye I needed to say, and I knew now was the right time to do it.
In the solitude of my room, I leaned back on my pillow and closed my eyes. I wasn’t quite sure how to do this, except that calming myself and preparing my mind seemed to feel right. I began relaxing my muscles, then my limbs, starting at my feet and working upwards until every part of me felt blissfully peaceful, but alert.
My mind emptied of all the busy thoughts of the day, even though the entire conversation with Nate kept creeping in. I pushed it aside and concentrated. Within minutes I felt a floating sensation, as if my body was balanced on a cloud or laying in water. The motion rocked me slowly and gently, pressing me to ask for more.
I reached my mind out and felt the warmth of hers clasp around it.
I padded slowly over to my computer and pulled the chair out from my desk. Quietly, my fingers found the familiar keys and I opened my inbox, ready to begin the email I was finally able to bring myself to write. But the little icon in the corner caught my eye and everything tugged inside me all at once. I had an email.
Teagan, All of the emails and the thoughts and the dreams … I’ve heard them from where I am. I didn’t want them to go unanswered before I say goodbye.
I’m glad Ryan has you for a friend. He sees in you what I’ve always known. Please tell him that I don’t blame him for that night. Take care of my car, Tea. Play Pink now and then, just for me. And Tea, if the dreams stop for a while, don’t worry about me, I’ll always be here. My heart misses you.
Claire My heart felt as if it was about to burst. I wouldn’t forget Claire, but I was ready to let her go. Deep down I had been searching for a proper way to say goodbye, always remembering her and the friendship we shared, not just the tragic emptiness left behind. Somehow, this felt right.
I felt the air shift, growing wavy between us like heat on a dark surface. She was as thin as vapor, the sensation of her fading within me. In saying goodbye to Claire, I wondered if I was also severing another tie.
Hadrian.
So often he had been summoned to me when I emailed Claire, my thoughts filtering out to him. I had given him light in a world that had been too dark for too long and I comforted myself with the fact that somewhere he still existed and that this was how it was meant to be.
The kiss on my forehead was like air. A whisper of breath, warm and light. My eyes opened to find they were staring into the finest of crystal blue, shining back at me.
“You were gone last night. I missed you.”
Garreth was perched on his side, resting on his elbow, staring intently at me as if he hadn’t seen me for a very long time.
“I know,” I said reflectively. “There was a baking lesson at Brynn’s. A history lesson in Nate’s study and …” I paused, watching Garreth take it all in.
“What?”
He leaned over to me, taking my face in his one hand, and kissed me tenderly.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered.
“Me too.”
We shared a look between us, knowing all was forgiven.
“So, how does it feel? Knowing?”
“It feels good,” I said with a smile.
Garreth leaned closer again, shifting his weight to pull me in to his chest.
“I love you, Teagan.”
The sound of my mother rousing down the hall felt suddenly normal. I felt as if my world had moved out of place the last few weeks, then shifted back.
Resuming itself.
“Guess that’s my cue,” Garreth whispered. We both knew my mom’s routine well enough. She would walk sleepily down the hall, knock twice to make sure I wasn’t snuggling back under the covers, then make her way to the shower. Garreth would be on his way out by then, fading into the beautiful, morning mist, only to return a short while later to take me to school.
The dresser drawer scraped shut through the wall. I could hear her feet padding their way toward my door. The predictable knock came.
“I’ll see you in a few,” my beautiful guardian whispered, but I stopped him, pressing my hand to his cheek.
“Things are different now. Stay.”
His face registered surprise, but also contentment to go along with my train of thought.
“You’re not acting like your usual self, you know,” he said, with a teasing smile creeping slowly across his mouth.
“Apparently, I’m not an ordinary girl.”
He settled back down, embracing me tightly, his lips on mine. From the other side of the hall, I could hear the water turn off in the shower. I was ready to say goodbye to the days of watching him leave, of watching him shimmer and fade. The last time he did that, he didn’t return.
My mother learned enough about his world mirroring our own this week. Nothing unusual was left to make her head spin or leave questions dangling from her lips. There were no secrets anymore.
I sighed, reveling in the warmth of my angel’s arms, with a sense of satisfaction. No more darkness, only light. I thought about the future: my mother’s upcoming marriage, the strange fact that the girl who was once my greatest enemy would soon become my sister, that Nate was going to make a great dad - and Garreth. But in thinking to the future, I couldn’t seem to let go of the past and all who had touched it. They flowed through my veins, forcing me to take stock of the wonder, the irony of how we were all connected.
Garreth, Hadrian, Ryan, Brynn, my mom, my father, Nate … and Claire. Eight lives that had touched my own. Eight.
I held them each within my heart, keeping them close and safe with the power of my thoughts. I was also careful to keep others guarded.
We have the power to entertain any thought we wish. To fully embrace them is another matter. Sometimes we get lost along the way, and sometimes we get lucky and find the answers.
I took Garreth’s hand and opened the door. If we hurried, there would be just enough time to put a pot of coffee on for my mom before leaving for school. Pausing, I looked at the endless line of my lemniscate, how it traced and retraced its way across my hand, winding in and out, crossing back to the beginning. This was a new beginning, this world of light that was my own. It was beautiful and it was infinite.
It’s time to thank some incredible people who mean the world to me!
First and foremost I owe a tremendous thank you to my family. To my husband Chris, for riding the rollercoaster with me and for listening to my incessant ramblings about writing, edits, plot ideas, and of course … books.
Thanks to my son Christian who always informed me when his friends mentioned my books and for sharing the love of YA fiction with me - to my daughter Megan for doing her best to understand when I hogged the computer and for squealing with delight whenever I revealed a new idea floating around my brain.
This would not be complete without my thanking the amazing people I’ve met along the way -
Tom Xander - your talent is truly a force to be reckoned with, an absolute gift. Thank you for devoting so much of your time to share my books with the world.
Lacey Williams - for your contagious enthusiasm! You are the countdown queen!
Michelle Flores - for not only being the first blogger to ever request an ARC of Angel Star but for also being a valuable friend. You’re the best PITA anyone could have!
To the brilliant crafters of YA fiction who so graciously opened their arms and accepted me into their world - Cyn Balog, Christine Johnson, Liza Wiemer and my debut sisters Shelena Shorts, Shannon Delany, PQ Glisson and Jordan Deen.
To Kimberly Martin and Lori Coleman for design and editing, and making sure Lemniscate looked its best.