‘Contrary to popular belief, Neanderthals are not stupid. Poor reading and writing skills are due to fundamental differences in visual acuity—in humans it is called dyslexia. Facial acuity in Neanderthals, however, is highly developed—the same silence might have thirty or more different meanings depending on how you looked. “Neanderthal English” has a richness and meaning that are lost on the relatively facially blind human. Because of this highly developed facial grammar, Neanderthals instinctively know when someone is lying—hence their total lack of interest in plays, films or politicians. They like stories read out loud and speak of the weather a great deal—another area in which they are expert. They never throw anything away and love tools, especially power tools. Of the three cable channels allocated to Neanderthals, two of them show nothing but woodworking programmes.’
‘Thursday Next?’ enquired a tall man with a gravelly voice as soon as I stepped into the SpecOps building.
‘Yes?’
He flashed a badge.
‘Agent Walken, SO-5; this is my associate, James Dedmen.’
Dedmen tipped his hat politely and I shook their hands.
‘Can we talk somewhere privately?’ asked Walken.
I took them down the corridor and we found an empty interview room.
‘I’m sorry about Phodder and Kannon,’ I told them as soon as we had sat down
‘They were careless,’ intoned Dedmen gravely. ‘Contact adhesive should always be used in a well-ventilated room—it says so on the tin.’
‘We were wondering,’ asked Walken in a slightly embarrassed manner, ‘whether you could fill us in on what they were up to, they both died before submitting a report.’
‘What happened to their case notes?’
Dedmen and Walken exchanged looks.
‘They were eaten by rabbits.’
‘How could that happen?’
‘Classified,’ announced Dedmen. ‘We analysed the remains but everything was pretty well digested—except these.’
He placed three small scraps of tattered and stained paper wrapped in cellophane on the desk. I leaned closer. I could just read out part of my name on the first one; the second was a fragment of a credit card statement and the third had a single name on it which made me shiver Hades.
‘Hades?’ I queried ‘Do you think he’s still alive?’
‘You killed him, Next—what do you think?’
I had seen him die up there on the roof at Thornfield and even found his charred remains when we searched the blackened ruins. But Hades had died before—or so he had made us believe.
‘As sure as I can be. What does the credit card statement mean?’
‘Again,’ replied Walken, ‘we’re not sure. The card was stolen. Most of these purchases are of women’s clothes, shoes, hats, bags, and so forth—we’ve got Dorothy Perkins and Camp Hopson under twenty-four-hour observation. Does any of this ring any bells?’
I shook my head.
‘Then tell us about your meeting with Phodder.’
I told them as much as I could about our short meeting while they made copious notes.
‘So they wanted to know if anything odd had happened to you recently?’ asked Walken. ‘Had it?’
I told them about the Skyrail and the Hispano-Suiza and they made even more notes. Finally, after asking me several times whether there was anything more I could add, they got up and Walken handed me his card.
‘If you discover anything at all—?’
‘No problem,’ I replied. ‘I hope you catch them.’ They grunted in reply and left.
I sighed, got up and walked back into the lobby to await Flanker and SO-1. I watched the busy station buzzing around me and then suddenly felt very hot as the room started to swim. The edges of my vision started to fade and if I hadn’t put my head between my knees I would have passed out there and then. The buzz from the room became a dull rumble and I closed my eyes, temples thumping. I stayed there for several moments until the nausea lessened. I opened my eyes and stared at the flecks of mica in the concrete floor.
‘Lost something, Next?’ came Flanker’s familiar voice.
I very gently raised my head. He was reading some notes and spoke without looking at me.
‘I’m running late—someone’s misappropriated an entire cheese seizure. Fifteen minutes’ time, interview room three—be there.’
He strode off without waiting for a reply and I stared at the floor again. The baby was making itself known. Somehow Flanker and SpecOps seemed insignificant given that this time next year I could be a mother. Landen had enough money for us both and it wasn’t as though I needed to actually resign—I could go on the SpecOps reservist list and do the odd job when necessary. I was just starting to ponder on whether I was really cut out for motherhood when I felt a hand on my shoulder and someone pushed a glass of water into my line of vision. I gratefully took the glass and drank half of it before looking up at my rescuer. It was a Neanderthal dressed in a neat double-breasted suit with an SO-13 badge clipped to his top pocket.
‘Hello, Mr Stiggins,’ I said, recognising him.
‘Hello, Ms Next—the nausea will pass.’
There was a shudder and the world snapped back a couple of seconds so harshly it made me jump. Stiggins spoke again but this time made less sense:
‘Helto, our m Ms Next—the nauplea will knoass.’
‘What the hell—’ I muttered as the lobby snapped again and the mauve-painted walls switched to green. I looked at Stiggins, who said:
‘Hatto, is our am Mss Next—bue nauplea will kno you.’
The people in the lobby moved abruptly and were suddenly wearing hats. Stiggins jumped back again and said:
‘That is our ame Miss Next—bue hoivplea kno you?’
My feet felt strange as the world rippled again and I looked down and saw that I was wearing trainers instead of boots. It was clear now that time was flexing slightly and I expected my father to appear, but he didn’t. Stiggins flicked back to the beginning of his sentence yet again and said, this time in a clearer voice:
‘That is our name, Miss Next, but how know you?’
‘Did you feel anything odd just then?’
‘No. Drink the water. You are very pale.’
I had another sip, leaned back and took a deep breath.
‘This wall used to be mauve,’ I mused as Stiggins looked at me.
‘How you know our name, Miss Next?’
‘You turned up at my wedding party,’ I told him. ‘You said you had a job for me.’
He stared at me for almost half a minute through his deep-set eyes. His large nose sniffed the air occasionally. Neanderthals thought a great deal about what they said before they said it—if they said anything at all.
‘You speak the truth,’ he said at last. It was almost impossible to lie to a Neanderthal and I wasn’t going to try. ‘We are to represent you on this case, Miss Next.’
I sighed. Flanker was taking no chances. I had nothing against Neanderthals but they wouldn’t have been my first choice of defence, particularly against the charge of an attack on one of their own.
‘If you have a problem you should tell us,’ said Stiggins, eyeing me carefully.
‘I have no problem with you representing me.’
‘Your face does not match your words. You think we have been placed here to hurt your case. It is our belief too. But as to whether it will hurt your case, we shall see. Are you well enough to walk?’
I said I was and we went and sat down in the interview room. Stiggins opened his case and drew out a buff file. The contents were typed in large underlined capitals. He brought out a wooden ruler and placed it across the first page to help him read.
‘Why you hit Kaylieu, the Skyrail operator?’
‘I thought he had a gun.’
‘Why would you think that?’
I stared into Mr Stiggins’s unblinking brown eyes. If I lied he would know. If I told him the truth he might feel it his duty to tell SO-1 that I had been involved in my father’s work. With the world due to end and the trust in my father implicit, it was a kind of sticky moment, to say the least.
‘They will ask you, Miss Next. Your evasion will not be appreciated.’
‘I’ll have to take that chance.’
Stiggins tilted his head to one side and regarded me for a moment.
‘They know about your father, Miss Next. We advise you to be careful.’
I didn’t say anything but to Stiggins I probably spoke volumes. Half the Thal language is about body movements. It’s possible to conjugate verbs with facial muscles; dancing is conversation.
We didn’t have a chance to say anything else as the door opened and Flanker and two other agents trooped in.
‘You know my name,’ he told me. ‘These are agents King and Nosmo.’
The two officers stared at me unnervingly.
‘This is a preliminary interview,’ announced Flanker, who now fixed me with a steely gaze. ‘There will be time enough for a full inquiry—if we so decide. Anything you say and do can affect the outcome of the hearing. It’s really up to you, Next.’
He wasn’t kidding. SO-1 were not within the law—they made the law. If they really meant business I wouldn’t be here at all—I’d be spirited away to SpecOps Grand Central, wherever the hell that was. It was at times like this that I suddenly realised quite why my father had rebelled against SpecOps in the first place.
Flanker placed two tapes into the recorder and idented it with the date, time and all our names. Once this was done he asked in a voice made more menacing by its softness:
‘You know why you are here?’
‘For hitting a Skyrail operator?’
‘Striking a Neanderthal is hardly a crime worthy of SO-1’s valuable time, Miss Next. In fact, technically speaking, it’s not a crime at all.’
‘What, then?’
‘When did you last see your father?’
The other SpecOps agents leaned forward imperceptibly to hear my answer. I wasn’t going to make it easy for them.
‘I don’t have a father, Flanker—you know that. He was eradicated by your buddies in the ChronoGuard seventeen years ago.’
‘Don’t play me for a fool, Next,’ warned Flanker. ‘This is not something I care to joke about. Despite Colonel Next’s non-actualisation he continues to be a thorn in our side. Again: when did you last see your father?’
‘At my wedding.’
Flanker frowned and looked at his notes.
‘You married? When?’
I told him and he squiggled a note in the margin.
‘And what did he say when he turned up at your wedding?’
‘Congratulations.’
He stared at me for a few moments, then changed tack.
‘This incident with the Skyrail operator,’ he began. ‘You were convinced that he had a soap gun hidden about his person. According to a witness you thumped him on the chin, handcuffed and searched him. They said you seemed very surprised when you didn’t find anything.’
I shrugged and remained silent.
‘We don’t give a sod about the Thal, Next. Your father deputising you is one thing, replacing you out of time is quite another. Is this what happened?’
‘Is that the charge? Is that why I’m here?’
‘Answer the question.’
‘No, sir.’
‘You’re lying. He brought you back early but your father’s control of the timestream is not that good. Mr Kaylieu decided not to threaten the Skyrail that morning. You were sideslipped, Next. Joggled slightly in the timestream. Things happened the same way but not exactly in the same order. It wasn’t a big one, either—barely a Class IX. Sideslips are an occupational hazard in ChronoGuard work.’
‘That’s preposterous,” I scoffed. Stiggins would know I was lying but perhaps I could fool Flanker.
‘I don’t think you understand, Miss Next. This is more important than just you or your father. Two days ago we lost all communications beyond the twelfth of December. We know there is industrial action but even the freelancers we’ve sent upstream haven’t reported back. We think it’s the Big One. If your father was willing to risk using you, we reckon he thinks so too. Despite our animosity towards your father he knows his business—if he didn’t we’d have had him years from now. What’s going on?’
‘I just thought he had a gun,’ I repeated.
Flanker stared at me silently for a few moments.
‘Let’s start again, Miss Next. You search a Neanderthal for a fake gun he carries the following day, you apologise to him using his name, and the arresting officer at the Skyrail station tells me she saw you resetting your watch—a bit out of time, were you?’
‘What do you mean—”for a fake gun he carries the following day”?’
Flanker answered without a trace of emotion, ‘Kaylieu was shot dead this morning. I think you should talk and talk fast. I’ve enough to loop you for twenty years. Fancy that?’
I glared back at him, at a loss to know what to do or say. Looping was a slang term for Closed Loop Temporal Field Containment. They popped the criminal in an eight-minute repetitive time loop for five, ten, twenty years. Usually it was a laundromat, a doctor’s waiting room or a bus stop, and your presence often caused time to slow down for others near the loop. Your body aged but never needed sustenance; it was cruel and unnatural—yet cheap and required no bars, guards or food.
I opened my mouth and shut it again, gaping like a fish.
‘Or you can tell us about your father and walk out a free woman.’
I felt a prickly sweat break out on my forehead. I stared at Flanker and he stared at me, until, mercifully, Stiggins came to my rescue.
‘Miss Next was working for us at SO-13 that morning, Commander,’ he said in a low monotone. ‘Kaylieu had been implicated in Neanderthal sedition. It was a secret operation. Thank you, Miss Next, but we will have to tell SO-1 the truth.’
Flanker shot an angry glance at the Neanderthal, who stared back at him impassively.
‘Why the hell didn’t you tell me this, Stiggins?’
‘You never asked.’
All Flanker had on me now was a slow watch. He lowered his voice to a growl.
‘I’ll see you looped behind the Crunch if your father is up to no good and you didn’t tell us.’
He paused for a moment and jabbed a finger in the direction of Stiggins.
‘If you’ve been bearing false witness I’ll have you too. You’re running the Thal end of SO-13 for one reason and one reason only—window dressing.’
‘How you managed to become the dominant species we will never know,’ Stiggins said at last. ‘So full of hate, anger and vanity.’
‘It’s our evolutionary edge, Stiggins. Change and adapt to a hostile environment. We did, you didn’t. QED.’
‘Darwin won’t mask your sins, Flanker,’ replied Stiggins. ‘You made our environment hostile. You will fall too. But you won’t fall because of a more dominant life form. You will fall over yourselves.’
‘Garbage, Stiggins. You lot had your chance and blew it.’
‘We have right to health, freedom and pursuit of happiness, too.’
‘Legally speaking you don’t,’ replied Flanker evenly. ‘Those rights belong only to humans. If you want equality, speak to Goliath. They sequenced you. They own you. If you get lucky perhaps you can be at risk. Beg and we might make you endangered.’
Flanker shut my file with a snap, grabbed his hat, removed both interview tapes and was gone without another word.
As soon as the door closed I breathed a sigh of relief. My heart was going like a trip hammer but at least I still had my liberty.
‘I’m sorry about Mr Kaylieu.’
Stiggins shrugged.
‘He was not happy, Miss Next. He did not ask to come back.’
‘You lied for me,’ I added in a disbelieving tone. ‘I thought Neanderthals couldn’t lie?’
He stared at me for a moment or two.
‘It’s not that we can’t,’ he said at last. ‘We just have no reason to. We helped because you are a good person. It is enough. If you need help again, we will be there.’
Stiggins’s normally placid and unmoving face curled up into a grimace that showed two rows of widely-gapped teeth. I was fearful for a moment until I realised that what I was witnessing was a Neanderthal smile.
‘Miss Next—’
‘—Yes?’
‘Our friends call us Stig.’
‘Mine call me Thursday.’
He put out a large hand and I shook it gratefully.
‘You’re a good man, Stig.’
‘Yes,’ he replied slowly, ‘we were sequenced that way.’
He gathered up his notes and left the room.
I left the SpecOps building ten minutes later and looked for Landen in the café opposite. He wasn’t there so I ordered a coffee and waited twenty minutes. He didn’t turn up so I left a message with the café owner and drove home, musing that with death by coincidence, the world ending in a fortnight, court charges for I don’t know what and a lost play by Shakespeare, things couldn’t get much stranger. But I was wrong. I was very wrong.