Although what that was, she hadn’t a clue. The X-rays were showing that the bones had been aligned properly, Manny’s skills having fixed them perfectly. That spinal cord, though — that was the wild card. She’d had a hope that some regeneration of nerves might be possible — she was still learning about the vampire body’s capabilities, many of which seemed like pure magic compared to what humans could do in terms of healing.
But no luck. Not in this case.
And it didn’t take an Einstein extrapolation to figure out what Payne was looking for.
«Be honest with me, shellan of my twin.» Payne’s crystal eyes locked on hers. «Be honest with yourself.»
If there was one thing that Jane hated about being a doctor, it was the judgment call. There were a lot of incidents when decisions were clear: Some guy presented at the ER with his hand in an ice cooler and a tourniquet around his arm? Reattach the appendage and run those nerves back where they needed to be. Woman in labor with a preemergent cord? C-section her. Compound fracture? Open it up and set it.
But not everything was that «simple.» On a regular basis, the gray fog of maybe-this, maybe-that rolled in, and she had to stare into the cloudy and the murky—
Oh, who was she kidding.
The clinical side of this equation had reached its correct sum. She just didn’t want to believe the answer.
«Payne, let me go get Mary—»
«I did not wish to speak with the counseling female two nights ago, and I shan’t speak unto her now. This is over for me, healer. And as much as it pains me to call upon my twin, please go and get him. You are a good female and you should not be the one.»
Jane looked at her hands. She had never once used them to kill. Ever. It was antithetical not just to her calling and her commitment to her profession, but her as a person.
And yet as she thought about her hellren and the time they’d spent together when she’d woken up with him, she knew she couldn’t let him come here and do what Payne wanted him to: He’d taken a small step back from the precipice he’d been about to jump off of, and there was nothing Jane wouldn’t do to keep him from that ledge.
«I can’t go get him,» she said. «I’m sorry. I just won’t put him in that position.»
The moan that rose from Payne’s throat was despair from the heart given wings and released. «Healer, this is my choice. My life. Not yours. You wish to be a true savior, then make it look accidental, or get me a weapon and I’ll do it. But leave me not in this state. I cannot bear it, and you have done no good for your patient if I continue thus.»
On some level, Jane had known this was coming. She had seen it clear as the pale shadows in the dark X-rays, the ones that told her everything should be working right — and if it wasn’t, the spinal cord had been irreparably injured.
She stared at those legs that lay under the sheet so still and thought of the Hippocratic oath she had taken years ago: «Do no harm» was the first commandment.
It was hard not to see Payne as having been harmed if she were left like this — especially because she hadn’t wanted the procedure in the first place. Jane had been the one urging the salvation, pushing it on the female for her own reasons — and V had been the same.
«I shall find a way,» Payne said. «Somehow, I shall find a way.»
Hard not to believe that.
And there was a greater chance of safe success if Jane helped in some manner — Payne was weak, and any weapon in her hand would be a disaster waiting to happen.
«I don’t know if I can do this.» The words left Jane’s mouth slowly. «You’re his sister. I don’t know if he’d ever forgive me.»
«He need never know.»
God, what a bind. If she were stuck in that bed, she would feel exactly as Payne did, and she would want someone to help her execute her final wish. But the burden of keeping something like that from V? How could she do that?
Except. . the only thing worse would be his not coming back from that dark side of himself. And killing his sister? Well, that was an express train right into that part of his neighborhood, wasn’t it.
The hand of her patient found her own. «Help me, Jane. Help me. . »
As Vishous left the nightly meeting with the Brotherhood and headed for the training center’s clinic, he was feeling more like himself — and not in a bad way. The sex with his shellan had been mission critical for them both, a kind of reboot that hadn’t just been physical.
God, it had felt good to be back with his female. Yeah, sure, there were problems still waiting for him. . and, well, shit, the closer he got to the clinic, the more the mantle of stress returned, hitting his shoulders like a pair of cars: He had seen his sister at the beginning of every evening and then again at dawn. For the first few days, there had been a lot of hope, but now. . that had mostly passed.
Whatever, though. She needed to get out of that room, and that was what he was going to do tonight. He was off rotation, and he was going to take her to the mansion and show her there was something other than that white cage of a recovery room to live for.
She wasn’t getting better physically.
So the mental was going to have to carry her through. It just had to.
Bottom line? He was not prepared to lose her now. Yeah, he’d been around her for a week, but that didn’t mean he knew her any better than he had when this had all started — and he was thinking they both needed each other. No one else was the offspring of that goddamn deity mother of theirs, and maybe together they could sort out the crap that came with their birthright. For shit’s sake, it wasn’t like there was a twelve-step for being the Scribe Virgin’s kid:
Hi, I’m Vishous. I’m her son and I’ve been her son for three hundred years.
HI, VISHOUS.
She’s done a head job on me again, and I’m trying not to go to the Other Side and scream bloody murder at her.
WE UNDERSTAND, VISHOUS.
And on the bloody note, I’d like to dig up my father and kill him all over again, but I can’t. So I’m just going to try to keep my sister alive even though she’s paralyzed, and attempt to fight the urge to find some pain so I can deal with this Payne.
YOU’RE A STRAIGHT-UP PUSSY, VISHOUS, BUT WE SUPPORT YOUR SORRY ASS.
Pushing his way out of the tunnel and into the office, he crossed over to the glass door and then strode down the corridor. As he went by the workout room, someone was running like their Nikes were on fire, but otherwise, there was a whole lot of no one around — and he had a feeling Jane might still be back in their bed, lounging after he’d done her right.
Which the bonded male in him took a fuckload of satisfaction from. For real.
When he came to the recovery room, he didn’t knock, but—
As he stepped inside, the first thing he saw was the hypodermic needle. The next thing was that it was about to change hands, going from his shellan’s to his twin’s.
No therapeutic reason for that.
«What are you doing?» he breathed, abruptly terrified.
Jane’s head whipped around, but Payne didn’t look at him. Her stare was fixated on that needle like it was the key to the lock on her jail cell.
And sure as shit it was going to help her out of that bed. . right into a coffin.
«What the fuck are you doing.» Not a question. He already knew.
«My choice,» Payne said grimly.
His shellan met him in the eye. «I’m sorry, V.»
A whitewash cut his vision off, but did nothing to slow his body down as he lunged forward. Just as he reached the bedside, his eyes cleared and he saw his gloved hand latch onto his shellan’s wrist.