It is wrongheaded to think of medicine in terms of “fixing” or “repair.” Treating our bodies like old-time automobiles whose parts wear out is a primitive paradigm. Cloning organs as though they were spare parts or injecting nanobots to fix tissue were stopgap measures for previous generations, but in the long run, that’s an uphill battle. Rather than growing old and trying to piece us back together as we fall apart, is it not more desirable to simply remain young? Using the divine wisdom of the OverSoul to instill youth at the cellular level, we now “heal thyself.” Aging is a disease, no more, no less, and once you cure it, everything else falls in line.
“Well, there’s always the brute force method,” Djoser said with a certain resignation in his voice. “We split up, canvass the area, grok everyone in sight, and hope we get lucky.”
The team had wandered away from the gate of the spanker ghetto. They were debating how to find the demon-the quest objective-but had not yet settled on a plan. The air was beginning to cool as the blurry orange glow of the summer sun faded. Despite the coming of nightfall, the harvester insects did not slacken their humming activity; their bulbous bodies bobbed under their bloated masses, and the bee-derived products resembled small balls of yarn as they went about their business.
Lyra shook her head skeptically. “I don’t think there are enough of us to do it the brute force way, Djoser. According to the maps, it’s a good-sized area. Besides, it’s getting dark. Is it likely that the demon will just be roaming around? For what purpose?”
“Why do demons do anything?” asked Djoser with a shrug. “We don’t have any idea who or what we’re dealing with here, so I’d rather take a long shot than just stand around while our time bleeds out. Soul, if anyone’s got a better idea, let’s hear it.”
Djoser had given D_Light as much of an opener as he could hope for, so D_Light cleared his throat and swallowed hard in preparation to speak. Thanks to a cocktail of focusers and a mild sedative delivered with precision by Smorgeous, D_Light did not even feel the slightest twinge of nervousness when he finally spoke up. “If I may,” he interjected, “the two of you are nobility, so you may not know as much as I do about how we plebs live in these spanker zones.”
Djoser’s eyebrows lifted as he regarded D_Light with a slightly mocking expression. He gave Lyra a quick smirk and then returned his attention back to D_Light. “By all means, avatar artist,” he said. “Earn your keep as our advisor.”
D_Light gave a humble smile and nodded. “Spanker ghettos attract a specific type of person, and so we ought to be able to take advantage of that fact.”
D_Light paused for a moment. He had everyone’s attention, even Brian’s, who did not try to mask the look of contempt on his face. D_Light did his best to ignore the mixed reception. “Perhaps we can think in terms of process of elimination. Let me run it down for you. A ghetto like this is zoned for spankers and spanker games. That means that anyone living in this area is assumed to be hard-core-that is, into the most intense and addictive entertainment games out there.”
Lyra nodded affirmatively. “Indeed, and I think it’s safe to assume our little demon isn’t a spanker. I mean, how would he or she even get an account to jack in?”
D_Light became excited as he realized his idea might get traction. “Right! Spankers have their own culture. Soul, they even have their own way of speaking-and we can use that, starting with the word ‘him.’ I can tell you right off the bat that most spank games are aimed at men. We’re talking about violence and sex. All those guys you see around us swinging imaginary swords, cradling invisible guns, and dry humping the lawn-they’re playing those sorts of games.” In a grand gesture, D_Light swung his arms about, urging everyone to take a look around them in order to fortify his point.
Concerned that he may have offended the nobles with his coarse talk and flamboyant body language, D_Light looked at his present company for signs of disapproval. To his delight, there were none.
Lyra clapped her hands once and spoke with authority. “Okay, so for the kind of games played in this ghetto, any woman we see is worth taking a second look at.”
“Consider it done,” replied Djoser with an impish grin. He put his hand on Lyra’s shoulder in mock tenderness.
D_Light stammered out, “Begging your pardon, sires, what I mean is since demons are as likely to be male as female, and few spankers are female, then the probability of a female we see-”
“Yes, we get it!” Lyra rolled her eyes at D_Light. “We might be nobility, but we’re not inbred.”
D_Light took a generous breath and bowed. “Begging your pardon, Mother.” He bowed again. “At your leave, I have another suggestion.”
“For Soul’s sake, D_Light, if you don’t stop bowing and begging my pardon and otherwise wasting our time with your pleb-speak, I’m going to have Brian here beat the shit out of you,” exclaimed Lyra, who was smiling in a way that D_Light had never seen before-a nasty smile that made him wonder in earnest if she would, indeed, unleash that oaf on him. D_Light took note of an overly eager Brian, who stood proudly behind Lyra, grinning from ear to ear.
Her smile disappeared in an instant, and her voice adopted a certain icy edginess. “You will address me without formality during this game. Formality only slows the communication process, and speed is of the utmost importance. I chose you as my advisor, so I expect you to participate effectively. Is that clear?”
D_Light was about to bow to signify acknowledgment, but then he nodded instead. Regaining his momentum, he continued. “Another thing about ghettos like this is that most private apartments are open to other spankers. When you lease an apartment here, you have a choice of whether you will allow the common rooms of your apartment to be open to spank games-that is, open to other spankers.”
Djoser interrupted abruptly. “You mean, someone would allow spanked-out plebs to bumble about in their own private living space? Why would anyone opt for that?”
“Because you earn reduced rent if you allow public access,” D_Light answered. “And believe me, if you’re spending all your time spanking, you need to keep your expenses down.”
Lyra snapped her fingers. “Right, but a demon would not elect for that. A demon would want privacy.”
“That’s my expectation,” confirmed D_Light, “but that brings up a good question. How is a demon able to pay for anything at all? Their status is illegal, so they can’t play the Game of Life, earn points, or spend them.”
Lyra brought in a sharp breath. “Oh, I researched that. Demons typically use what are called ‘proxies.’ A proxy is a player with an account who conducts transactions on the part of the demon. Demons usually pay the proxy with hard currency-you know, sideliner money.”
“Sounds like a dangerous profession,” Amanda purred, her long canines flashing as the words slipped out. It was disquieting to hear Djoser’s bodyguard speak, mainly because D_Light had only heard her speak once or twice thus far. Indeed, he had nearly forgotten she was there.
“But lucrative, no doubt,” added Djoser, who wrapped his arm around Amanda’s waist; she arched her back subtly to accommodate him. The nobleman then looked over at D_Light and spoke to him directly. “Okay, so if we find a female living in a private flat, there’s a good chance she’s a demon. Or maybe we should be looking in the bushes. Why would a demon want to pay rent anyway?”
Just then, a bleary-eyed man in a grass-stained skinsuit jogged up the hill toward Lyra.
“Yo, Amber, you here for the PartyMiiix?” he asked.
In a flash, Brian, with a snarl on his face, was between Lyra and the man.
“Um, yeah, I guess not,” the spanker muttered and then trotted back down.
D_Light took another look around. Like most residential areas, this ghetto appeared to have perfectly manicured landscaping with little in the way of underbrush. “I doubt there is enough natural cover here to hide for very long,” he answered. “Most everyone’s living in these mounds.” He pointed at one of the towering grassy hills. “You can bet all that real estate under there is inhabited.”
“Who says the demon lives here?” asked Lyra. “Maybe it’s just passing through. Don’t make any assumptions unless you have good reason for it.”
D_Light nodded thoughtfully. “Could just be passing through. That would be easier yet. Check this. Since a demon doesn’t have an account, it’s not going to be plugged into a game. Look around you. Pretty much everyone’s jacked in. If we see someone walking around normally-”
“Especially a woman,” Djoser interjected.
“Yes, especially a woman,” D_Light said. “But I’d bet the demon is living here. Soul, this would be a clever place to hide! Everyone’s jacked in, so who would notice you? Who would even see you? You could hide right out in the open. To someone who wants to get lost, someone who’s not a spanker, living here is like living in the middle of nowhere.”
“Nowhere, officially known as Anywhere,” Lyra quipped.
“What did I tell you all? MetaGames are the best!”
Djoser sighed. “Nevertheless, if the demon is just passing through, then we had better get looking real fast.”
Djoser tugged on one of the numerous tails of hair sprouting from Amanda’s head. “You, my dear, are the fastest of us all. Why don’t you have a quick look around?”
Amanda gave a curt nod and then sprinted off without uttering a word. The product did not have a familiar and so would have to rely on her mind interface chip to grok those she saw. The additional processing power of a familiar would be more efficient, but since Amanda now knew the profile of the prime suspects, she could focus her processing power on just those who were of particular interest.
Watching the genetically engineered product running off, Lyra asked, “Should we worry that she might tip off the demon?” The noblewoman looked noticeably vexed.
Djoser shrugged. “Look around-lots of people are running toward or away from Soul knows what. It’s like everyone is narced out in a wrong way. Nah, she’ll fit right in.”
“Everyone is running for their virtual lives, eh?” Lyra stared at D_Light for a moment until he realized that she was talking to him, at which point he smiled awkwardly and nodded.
Wanting to cover as much territory as possible in the least amount of time, Lyra then ordered Brian to take leave of her and assist Amanda in the search for possible suspects. Brian was quick to protest, insisting it was unsafe to leave the two nobles completely unprotected, but Lyra assured him that they would be fine in his absence. Hesitantly, the dutiful bodyguard set out to the streets, holding his trusted mace, Tiffany, firmly at his side.
“So, with the hired help doing their little ad hoc search, what does that leave for us to do?” asked Djoser, his voice sounding bored.
“I’ll show you,” D_Light called back over his shoulder as he jogged down the hill. The others followed, somewhat reluctantly, into the entrance of the nearest apartment mound.
“My bet is that the demon is holed up somewhere in these mounds,” D_Light said.
“What do you propose we do, advisor?” Djoser asked.
“Knock on the doors and give a sales pitch? There must be a thousand apartments in this ghetto!”
“More apartments than we could know,” Lyra said as she pressed her hand against the soft, fuzzy dro-vine wall. “These mounds are living things. The walls, the floors-everything’s alive.”
“Yeah, D, this whole ghetto is constantly shifting its halls and chambers around. My guess is the whole complex has gone feral, so forget about a rational floor plan,” Djoser said.
“And I can’t even call up a nanosite map! What kind of backwater is this?” Lyra asked as she stared down at her familiar.
“Anywhere’s like anywhere else-there’s nanosites covering everything and everyone, but spankers usually opt out of allowing their community maps to go public. Remember, this isn’t just a place to live, it’s one big gaming labyrinth. Having a real-time map would spoil the fun.”
“Sounds great so far,” Djoser said sarcastically as he bounced a few times on the spongy floor. “So let’s cut to the master plan here.”
“You mentioned going door to door with a fake sales pitch? Yeah, that might work, except I don’t mean to knock on every door. Remember what I said about a demon opting for a private apartment? I recommend we just check the doors that are off-limits to the spank games. That’ll narrow it down a whole lot…and as far as mapping goes, we’re just going to have to explore manually and let our familiars keep track of where we’ve been.”
Lyra looked unconvinced. “Well, why don’t you enlighten us nOObs on how we are to ID the apartments that are off-limits. Do they have a sign on the door, or do we have to jack into a spank game or something?”
“Exactly!” D_Light said. “Yeah, when you’re in a spank game you don’t even see the private doors, but of course those outside the game can see them.” D_Light walked over to a nearby silver plexi apartment door. “So obviously this door exists, right? But let’s say this is the door to a private apartment and I’m jacked into a spank game.”
“You won’t see it. It’ll be skinned as like a wall or something,” Lyra said with a smile.
D_Light touched his finger to his nose to indicate “spot on.”
Master, that gesture is obsolete and 83.6 % likely to incite negative feedback from your peers. Would you like me to demonstrate a more fashionable-
Not now, Smorgeous.
“If you say so,” Djoser said skeptically. “So what? You have to be jacked in and jacked out at the same time to see the real door that doesn’t exist in make-believe?”
“Yes,” D_Light affirmed. “I’ll jack into a spank game, and Smorgeous, my familiar, will ping the locations of those doors that appear in the real world, but do not exist in the game. Those will be the private doors.”
Lyra nodded. “And that’s when I knock on the door and ask them if they’re interested in a once-in-a-lifetime offer for reducing their rent, and all they have to do is open their apartment up to the games.”
“You two are beautiful together,” Djoser said dryly.
D_Light laughed. “Nice. We then grok whoever is at the door.” D_Light took a moment to access Smorgeous and then said, “The family that manages this zone is called Gallant Guild. We’ll just say that we’re representatives of G amp;G.”
“You want me to do door-to-door sales?” Djoser clutched at his chest.
“I’m afraid I can’t do it because I’ll be jacked into the spank game,” D_Light replied apologetically. “It’ll be more efficient if I don’t have to jack in and out.”
Lyra frowned. “That sounds like fun, D, but Djoser and I are not exactly dressed as salespeople.”
D_Light took note that Lyra had just addressed him by his nickname. He liked that. “I’m not exactly sure how salespeople dress, but I think you should at least consider hiding your royal seals. And I recommend you do the talking, Lyra. Once they see you, they’ll believe anything you say. Remember, spankers are mostly men.” He gave Lyra a flirtatious wink.
“Well, well, look at you, D!” exclaimed Lyra, smiling wryly. “Feeling pretty comfortable now, I see.” D_Light smiled bashfully.
“And I will do what?” asked Djoser, who was clearly irritated by the back-and-forth banter between D_Light and Lyra. “Oh, I know, maybe I can do the sales pitch to the gay spankers,” Djoser said sarcastically.
Lyra smiled sweetly. “No, Djoser my dear, as much as I’d enjoy watching you work your charm with the gentlemen of this ghetto, we need you on security detail. Remember, it’s not the spankers we care about, it’s the demon, and if the demon thinks there’s something up, there might be trouble.” Lyra’s expression became serious. “You need to stay alert and keep your hand near your hilt.”
“True, and I’ll be jacked in, so I won’t accurately see what’s going on,” D_Light added.
Djoser glared at D_Light, a slow smile spreading across his face as though he was thinking, Like you would be of any use anyway. “Funny, I thought we brought bodyguards for that very purpose,” he said.
Lyra rolled her eyes. “Look, we’ve all lived under Rule Seven for decades, right? I would hope the three of us could handle one demon.”
D_Light thought about his throwing discs, Djoser’s short curved sword, and Lyra’s unmatched skill with open-hand martial arts fighting styles. Yes, his mother was correct that they had all become resourceful in combat in their own individual ways. From the day they joined House Tesla, this had been a priority.
Djoser looked skeptical. “Yeah, well, demons are not constrained by divine law, so we’re likely to be up against modern weapons. We’d better not get confrontational. Let’s just ID the bastard and call it in.”